Sunday, September 25, 2011

Vegas with Pride48

So last Friday, the 16th, I hopped in a cab and made my way to Tucson International Airport and made my way to Las Vegas to FINALLY meet a group of podcasters and a handful of listeners that I have only known by voice and picture.  Normally, I would have been scared shitless, but for some reason, I was actually pretty calm.  It may be that I was medicated, but I really think I was just so damn excited to see everyone, I didn't let my nerves get the best of me.  The flight from Phoenix to Vegas was BLAH!  Most of you know I am a fat girl, so I get hot easy.  Well that, and it's a side affect of one of the pills I take.  So I squeeze my ass into my seat, only to have a big boy squeeze into the seat next to me.  Oh yeah, no air-conditioning.  I was a sweaty mess by the time I got to the baggage area and looked for the darling Melissa.  She very graciously came and picked me up and dropped me back off at the airport.  Can I tell you what a gem she is?  Well she is one.  A pretty, sweet thing she is.

When we finally get to the Luxor, I start running into folks, new and familiar.  All within 10 minutes I saw the Foul Monkeys, That's What She Said, Ramble Redhead, and one Cocktail and Cream puff.  And this is also where Nessa got her first bong of juicy goodness!  A giant slushie drink with booze!  I was a toasted girl thanks to my BFF Waylon!

I got to my room, showered, and made my way to the podcasting suite where I met more familiar faces and voices.  And as i looked around the room, I counted the penises I had seen.  By the time the trip was over, I was up to six and one set of balls.  I know, my mother is so proud.

Friday night, I did a little Casina with some pals and went upstairs to listen to Ricky snore and have him knee me in the butt several times.  There was little sleep had that night, but I was fine with it.  The lack of sleep probably contributed to my drunken state on Saturday, that and the large amount of Vodka I consumed.  I couldn't feel my face at some point and it became the running joke.  People continuing to ask me the next day if I could feel my face.  After the shows, I spent some time with Christina and Nicole.  Teaching Nicole how to gamble.  It was tons of fun!

Sunday was a little sad because I had to say good bye to my roommates for the weekend.  But I will be making my way to Chicago soon to see them!  I promise!  But I had lots of shows to listen to and participate in.  I had a fabulous time.  Then I started my goodbyes and started doing what I do best....Cry.

I didn't do a show of my own due to lack of time on the schedule and I was really going as a fan.  But I was surprised and thankful that I got to make several guest appearances on other shows and the opening skit.  Can I tell you listener pals how proud and happy I was to be involved in Pride48 this year?  The enormity of it all, the very special, fabulous people I got to meet.  And with a group that large, you would think there would be some drama.  We really did all get along famously.  I really feel like I made some great friends and look forward to interacting with the group and having more people show up next year!  Oh yes listener pals, Pride48 2012 will be happening, and I will be in attendance.

I know that some of you want juicy gossip and want to know the details not available live on the stream.  But you know what they say, What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

I do want to give an update on my health, mental and otherwise.  I went to the doctors on this past Friday and I have lost more weight and my blood pressure was normal.  Not high, not borderline high, but normal!  I have been borderline high for the last six years.  Also, my anti-depressant medication was adjusted so I am not so lethargic and unfocused.  I feel good.  I will say that the coroner did send my father's belongings to me that I am expecting any day.  I am anxious about it, but I think I will handle it considerably better then maybe a month ago.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho

So exciting news in Casa de Hello Nessa this week.  Derek found a job!  And not just any job; he will be joining the GEICO family as a Claims representative.  Because we love in the same home and are a couple, he couldn't work in my department, but he went through the hoops they call a hiring process and starts on November 7th.

I am very proud of him for putting in his effort and not settling for another retail job.  Not that that would be necessarily bad, but I know Derek was frustrated in his last position as a shift supervisor at Rite Aid.  GEICO will give him opportunities to use his smarts and to really get to a good place in the company.  It was great to see him walk into the house with his chest a little puffed out and him be proud of himself.  I am a very proud ex-wife right now.

After some victory laps around the living room, dancing around how he got a job, he went into the bedroom and grabbed my engagement ring and came out and said, "now that I can take care of you, will you marry me again?"  He was in his boxer shorts and had the biggest grin on his face.  How could I say no?

The best part of the interview process and Derek getting a job was the night before his final interview.  I take a tranquilizer for my anxiety and was passed out.  I get shaken by a very concerned Derek.  He sounds like he is on the verge of tears.  He says, "Baby, I was trimming my fringe (bangs) and thought my sides looked too long, so I took a razor and trimmed those.  Then I figured the back might look shaggy so i tried to trim it with the razor, but I can't see it.  Can you tell me if it looks ok?!"  I look up and see this:

I think I counted 13 patches where Derek had tried to trim his hair, but just shaved himself bald.  I was dopey because of the meds and couldn't get up to fix it right away.  So I tell him, DONT TOUCH YOUR HAIR, I will fix it in the morning.  I just kept telling him to not touch his hair until I passed back out.

At some point, Derek walked to Wal-Mart and bought clippers and attempted to fix his hair.  It looks ok for the most part.  Minus the 13 bald spots.  He told the manager who interviewed him that "his wife was a better cook than a hairdresser."  If I ever meet this man, I am going to have to pretend I fucked up Derek's head.  Butthead!

Sunday, September 4, 2011


After my last show, I thought getting some more things off my chest would make me feel better.  And it did, to an extent.  Monday Derek came to live here permanently, which has also helped.  I started swimming for about an hour almost every day, and that helped.  But the physical pain I was feeling, the inability to turn my brain off at night, and the random waves of anger and sadness.  I knew I wasn't "back to normal."  In fact, I was finding new things to stress and worry about.  I can't relax and let it go like I used to.  I was also worried that what if I did have a heart attack and they misdiagnosed me.  I was driving myself crazy.

I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Abraham, who will be my primary care physician.  He is a soft spoken man, bald, with a wild beard.  He was also wearing a bolo tie.  Something about him, I instantly liked and felt comfortable with.  I found out three things during this visit.  I lost five pounds in the last week, I am indeed 5'8" and not 5'6" as I always thought, and I have depression with a side of sever anxiety.  Oh, and I didn't have a heart attack.  My blood pressure was actually closer to normal than high.

We talked about my different option to handle my stuff and the doctor decided that Cymbolta with a side of Lorazapan would be best.  I take them both at night because I have a low tolerance to pills that make me sleepy. But I have found that if I sleep through the night, the day time isn't so difficult.  The doctor said it will take two weeks for my body to regulate.  I am trying to be patient, but I am so eager to feel normal, it's hard.  He did sign me out for two days a month in case I have bad reactions or just have bad days.  I won't use them, but it a comfort to know I won't lose my job because I am having mental issues.

My next step is to stick to the pills, stick to the swimming, and find a good therapist.  As much as I share with you all, I feel like I need someone who can show me tools that will help me with everything.  I am really working on me right now, and for the first time, I don't feel selfish about it.

In other news, Derek is here and hey we're living in sin.  Our divorce was final on September 1st.  We both have agreed that we want to remarry, I am just waiting for him to ask me.  He is trying so hard to be understanding with my break downs and is being tremendously supportive of me trying to be healthy physically and mentally.  This is a much more mature Derek.  I am proud of him for his efforts.  He is diligently looking for a job and keeps the house relatively clean.  He's taking care of me when I need it, and is giving me space when I need that.  I wish we didn't have to go through the last year, but I don't think I would appreciate him as much as I do if we hadn't.

Nothing too exciting this week, just really working on feeling better.  I want to be decent for pride48 in Vegas on the 15th.  I am super happy that I will get to see a bunch of people again, plus meet some new folks.  Put faces to the names.  I really can't wait!