I heard this song in a department store on Prince's St. in Edinburgh, Scotland. Anytime I hear this song I remember exactly what I was doing and who I was with. I was walking down stairs to go to the women's department with my sister-in-law Fiona. They had TVs everywhere playing this video. I said, Oh, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. And Fiona said, I don't know who that is. Not sure why I remember this at all.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
So here it begins...
Well, my pals that read this on a regular basis will know the news. Derek and I are divorcing. With this divorce is coming a number of changes. I am trying to remain positive in this new journey. I still have bad days and I am entitled. Today was a rough one. Made the mistake of listening to a song, but I need to cry sometimes. I am not a robot.
I miss my podcast and I have missed interacting with the lot of you. So I am making plans for a new show. Not sure how it will work, what I will do, what I will talk about. But I am determined not to become the bitter divorcée and deepen my inability to leave my house. When I do release anything, I will post announcements via twitter or facebook. I am hoping some of my podcasting pals will help me spread the word too. This blog will not be related to whatever show I decide to do. I want to keep them separate. So I won't be making any further announcements here.
You would be proud of me, I have been out walking. Not a terrible amount of distance, but I take the dog out every day for at least 20 minutes. This used to be Derek's job. Now I do it. Sometimes, I will drop Maggie back at home and keep walking. A HUGE accomplishment for me. Last week, I walked 17 miles. That is amazing for me.
I went to the San Diego Fair with my sister. I walked around with her and ate deep fried butter! I didn't really care if anyone was looking either.
I went to my friend Sarah's and she waxed my eyebrows. We hung out and talked and I had a great time. I am working on changing this shut-in quality I gained during the last seven years of my life. It is still hard, but I have made myself go and do things I haven't had to do for a long time. I washed my car for the first time in like 3 years. Gross I know. It sounds so silly that I am proud that i go grocery shopping, or I go to the bank. But I am.
The big news besides my divorce is I am making a move. In March of next year I will be on my way to Idaho. My parents have graciously offered me a place to stay until I get on my feet. A new state, a new job, new people. I am scared to the point of tears, but if I can do this, i can do pretty much anything. I have spent my entire 32 years in San Diego. I have never known anything other than here. But I long to have my family close and to make a real home for myself. I will so much about California, but it's time. I am a little excited, I already have Erik in Seattle promising drinks and Nicole and Christina will be like an hour away. Walt, you will need to come visit since Erik is an hour plane ride away from my new home. Erik should be reason enough ;)
I am hoping that i can save enough money to go to Florida in the winter. I need to get away and I have a group of people I need to meet. I have found so much support during this hard time from all corners of the earth. I can't even thank y'all enough. Even though I have not been very public about the goings on here, It is so comforting to know I could contact someone if I need to.
I think this is all I can do right now. I am getting emotional and I need to walk it off. I plan on writing more often. I need to purge my emotions. I want to remain positive and hope y'all will forgive the occasional bad day.
Nessa XO
I miss my podcast and I have missed interacting with the lot of you. So I am making plans for a new show. Not sure how it will work, what I will do, what I will talk about. But I am determined not to become the bitter divorcée and deepen my inability to leave my house. When I do release anything, I will post announcements via twitter or facebook. I am hoping some of my podcasting pals will help me spread the word too. This blog will not be related to whatever show I decide to do. I want to keep them separate. So I won't be making any further announcements here.
You would be proud of me, I have been out walking. Not a terrible amount of distance, but I take the dog out every day for at least 20 minutes. This used to be Derek's job. Now I do it. Sometimes, I will drop Maggie back at home and keep walking. A HUGE accomplishment for me. Last week, I walked 17 miles. That is amazing for me.
I went to the San Diego Fair with my sister. I walked around with her and ate deep fried butter! I didn't really care if anyone was looking either.
I went to my friend Sarah's and she waxed my eyebrows. We hung out and talked and I had a great time. I am working on changing this shut-in quality I gained during the last seven years of my life. It is still hard, but I have made myself go and do things I haven't had to do for a long time. I washed my car for the first time in like 3 years. Gross I know. It sounds so silly that I am proud that i go grocery shopping, or I go to the bank. But I am.
The big news besides my divorce is I am making a move. In March of next year I will be on my way to Idaho. My parents have graciously offered me a place to stay until I get on my feet. A new state, a new job, new people. I am scared to the point of tears, but if I can do this, i can do pretty much anything. I have spent my entire 32 years in San Diego. I have never known anything other than here. But I long to have my family close and to make a real home for myself. I will so much about California, but it's time. I am a little excited, I already have Erik in Seattle promising drinks and Nicole and Christina will be like an hour away. Walt, you will need to come visit since Erik is an hour plane ride away from my new home. Erik should be reason enough ;)
I am hoping that i can save enough money to go to Florida in the winter. I need to get away and I have a group of people I need to meet. I have found so much support during this hard time from all corners of the earth. I can't even thank y'all enough. Even though I have not been very public about the goings on here, It is so comforting to know I could contact someone if I need to.
I think this is all I can do right now. I am getting emotional and I need to walk it off. I plan on writing more often. I need to purge my emotions. I want to remain positive and hope y'all will forgive the occasional bad day.
Nessa XO
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Father's Day and other things
Or other things and father's day.
First, I want to say that I appreciate everyones' comments on my previous post. I know that it was a decision I needed to make on my own, and the general consensus just confirmed that I need to trust my instincts. I am ok with not speaking with her, I am sad that anyone would have to experience cancer, but I don't contact everyone who does. For her childrens' sake, I hope all goes well for her.
My sister-in-law has a baby on the 14th. I know have a niece named Heather. I haven't seen a picture yet, but i am sure she's a cutie. Pretty soon, she and her husband will be moving to North Carolina for work so I may make it to the east coast finally. i have a feeling Jen will come here as soon as possible, she loves the zoo.
So Father's Day. Always a sore subject with me, well until this year it has been a very sore subject. For those who have read my blog for a long period of time will know that I have issues with my father and have had a hard time dealing with not having answers. In the last few months, I have come to the realization that there is no point to beating myself up over things i can't change.
There are people in my life who have give me things that I could and never receive from my father. They have shown me patience, love, acceptance, and respect. So instead of being depressed that my biological father isn't in my life, I am going to be thankful that I have more than most people have.
Of course I am not a robot and I will always have a soft spot around this time of year, but the time i spend crying over it will be less and less.
First, I want to say that I appreciate everyones' comments on my previous post. I know that it was a decision I needed to make on my own, and the general consensus just confirmed that I need to trust my instincts. I am ok with not speaking with her, I am sad that anyone would have to experience cancer, but I don't contact everyone who does. For her childrens' sake, I hope all goes well for her.
My sister-in-law has a baby on the 14th. I know have a niece named Heather. I haven't seen a picture yet, but i am sure she's a cutie. Pretty soon, she and her husband will be moving to North Carolina for work so I may make it to the east coast finally. i have a feeling Jen will come here as soon as possible, she loves the zoo.
So Father's Day. Always a sore subject with me, well until this year it has been a very sore subject. For those who have read my blog for a long period of time will know that I have issues with my father and have had a hard time dealing with not having answers. In the last few months, I have come to the realization that there is no point to beating myself up over things i can't change.
There are people in my life who have give me things that I could and never receive from my father. They have shown me patience, love, acceptance, and respect. So instead of being depressed that my biological father isn't in my life, I am going to be thankful that I have more than most people have.
Of course I am not a robot and I will always have a soft spot around this time of year, but the time i spend crying over it will be less and less.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
"Vacation" roundup
I am home from the Idahos finally! Normally I really enjoy being with my mom, but this trip was very stressful.
My mom has some cough that she hasn't been able to shake. He doctors think it might be an acid reflux thing, but after six months, don't know why. So the whole trip was spent with a less than stellar attitude, doctor appointments, and sleeping. The person we spent time with wasn't my mom, it was a miserable old lady and it made me super sad. I know once she gets the cough taken care of, she'll be her old self, it is just sad to see her not well.
I was successful in not eating meat or drinking soda in the Idahos, was easier than I expected. They have this cool place called the Pita Pit and they had a pita that was all vegetables and was so good. I cooked a lot. And can I say mincing almost two pounds of mushrooms sucks when you don't have a food processer! But all the meals went over great with the family. My stepdad loved everything I made and said he was actually feeling pretty good. They did have a steak BBQ day, but I just had a burger made from portabello mushrooms, soooo good.
Have you ever noticed how well you sleep when you in your own bed when you come home from vacation. I love my bed. I love my sheets. Today Derek and I will be recouperating from the horrible flight home. You know in the movies when people yell is there a doctor on the plane? It happened to us last night. The airvents were not working very well and it was a tad warm. A poor old man started to overheat and had a siezure. We had a nurse on board that got him to calm down and cool down. When we landed an ambulance was racing down the runway. It was so weird.
The best thing I saw was an asian guy in a bright purple "leather" jacket. I tried to take a picture with my phone, but it didn't turn out, but the following picture is pretty much the same, except bright purple!
My mom has some cough that she hasn't been able to shake. He doctors think it might be an acid reflux thing, but after six months, don't know why. So the whole trip was spent with a less than stellar attitude, doctor appointments, and sleeping. The person we spent time with wasn't my mom, it was a miserable old lady and it made me super sad. I know once she gets the cough taken care of, she'll be her old self, it is just sad to see her not well.
I was successful in not eating meat or drinking soda in the Idahos, was easier than I expected. They have this cool place called the Pita Pit and they had a pita that was all vegetables and was so good. I cooked a lot. And can I say mincing almost two pounds of mushrooms sucks when you don't have a food processer! But all the meals went over great with the family. My stepdad loved everything I made and said he was actually feeling pretty good. They did have a steak BBQ day, but I just had a burger made from portabello mushrooms, soooo good.
Have you ever noticed how well you sleep when you in your own bed when you come home from vacation. I love my bed. I love my sheets. Today Derek and I will be recouperating from the horrible flight home. You know in the movies when people yell is there a doctor on the plane? It happened to us last night. The airvents were not working very well and it was a tad warm. A poor old man started to overheat and had a siezure. We had a nurse on board that got him to calm down and cool down. When we landed an ambulance was racing down the runway. It was so weird.
The best thing I saw was an asian guy in a bright purple "leather" jacket. I tried to take a picture with my phone, but it didn't turn out, but the following picture is pretty much the same, except bright purple!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Song of the Day 10/08/08 and Vacation Has Started
Well, kinda...
Derek and I are heading up to the ID for about a week to see my mom and pops. And that means lots of grilled cheese sandwiches! hurrah! Something about the way my mom makes them is better than anyone else's. I am a firm believer that a sandwich made by someone else is always better.
Visiting my mom will also mean I will be lectured on my health and in turn will lecture my mom on voting and nagging my stepdad. You gotta love your family right?
In all seriousness, I do love my family, even if we are all a bunch of misfits.
Today was the last day I had with my supervisor Fred. He is honestly the best boss I have ever had and I had to bolt out of the building so I didn't cry. I wish him all the best in his new position!
Shout out to my lil' bro Adrian for getting 10 stars at school and ice cream for dinner rules!
Here is a song of the day. It came on my iPod while I was reviewing my ballot booklet thingy.
Changes IV, by Cat Stevens
Don't you feel a change a coming
from another side of time
breaking down the walls of silence
lifting shadows from your mind
Placing back the missing mirrors
that before you couldn't find
filling mysteries of emptiness
that yesterday left behind
And we all know it's better
Yesterday has past
now let's all start the living
for the one that's going to last
Yes we all know it's better
Yesterday has past
now let's all start the living
for the one that's going to last
Derek and I are heading up to the ID for about a week to see my mom and pops. And that means lots of grilled cheese sandwiches! hurrah! Something about the way my mom makes them is better than anyone else's. I am a firm believer that a sandwich made by someone else is always better.
Visiting my mom will also mean I will be lectured on my health and in turn will lecture my mom on voting and nagging my stepdad. You gotta love your family right?
In all seriousness, I do love my family, even if we are all a bunch of misfits.
Today was the last day I had with my supervisor Fred. He is honestly the best boss I have ever had and I had to bolt out of the building so I didn't cry. I wish him all the best in his new position!
Shout out to my lil' bro Adrian for getting 10 stars at school and ice cream for dinner rules!
Here is a song of the day. It came on my iPod while I was reviewing my ballot booklet thingy.
Changes IV, by Cat Stevens
Don't you feel a change a coming
from another side of time
breaking down the walls of silence
lifting shadows from your mind
Placing back the missing mirrors
that before you couldn't find
filling mysteries of emptiness
that yesterday left behind
And we all know it's better
Yesterday has past
now let's all start the living
for the one that's going to last
Yes we all know it's better
Yesterday has past
now let's all start the living
for the one that's going to last
Thursday, September 25, 2008
It's not even Holloween yet!
So over the past week or so, a couple things have happened.
First thing is my supervisor has a new position and will no longer be my supervisor effective October 11. The person taking his spot is a night time supervisor whom I didn't have many good interactions with. Although I am happy for Fred's new position, I am kind of scared what is going to happen. I am looking at it as it could be so much worse. It could be my old boss who was a complete and utter piece of work...and by work I mean shit. I am also on job burn out. This happens from time to time. I get bored pretty easy and need something to spark my interest in it again. Maybe the new supervisor will do that.
Second is kind of some good news. Our landlord has agreed to extend our lease for at least another 18 months with no Rent change for now. Ultimately, Derek and I will be moving up to the Idahos to be near my mom. With all the crazy junk going on I have been in a state of worry. So I will be able to keep an eye on her and Derek will be in a city that is more like home to him. plus, buying a house for under 150K is appealing.
My sister has been in Idaho for a few months getting her life in some sort of order. She spent the last three years flushing it down the toilet. She wants to come back to San Diego, so she maybe spending a couple months with me since we have the extra bedroom. I never wanted anything for her other than to be happy. I hope she finds what she's looking for. I am happy she will be here for Christmas. That a big deal to me. This year's theme is red and white snowflakes. Yes i have already started planning. I want to make sure Christmas is a special time for Derek and I. We don't have any family in the area, so we spend this time with people we hold close. My pal April, her mom and dad, and this year we will have her boyfriend Doug joining us! And I love Christmas music soooo much. i know it's only September and I am already planning Christmas, I'm sick. But it really is the most wonderful time of the year for me.
Thanks for all the emails and comments on my songs of the day thing. I will continue to do it. It gives me something to look forward to. If anyone wants to email me directly, it's missxomisery@aol.com. You can even tell me your song of the day and I'll use it if I can't think of one.
First thing is my supervisor has a new position and will no longer be my supervisor effective October 11. The person taking his spot is a night time supervisor whom I didn't have many good interactions with. Although I am happy for Fred's new position, I am kind of scared what is going to happen. I am looking at it as it could be so much worse. It could be my old boss who was a complete and utter piece of work...and by work I mean shit. I am also on job burn out. This happens from time to time. I get bored pretty easy and need something to spark my interest in it again. Maybe the new supervisor will do that.
Second is kind of some good news. Our landlord has agreed to extend our lease for at least another 18 months with no Rent change for now. Ultimately, Derek and I will be moving up to the Idahos to be near my mom. With all the crazy junk going on I have been in a state of worry. So I will be able to keep an eye on her and Derek will be in a city that is more like home to him. plus, buying a house for under 150K is appealing.
My sister has been in Idaho for a few months getting her life in some sort of order. She spent the last three years flushing it down the toilet. She wants to come back to San Diego, so she maybe spending a couple months with me since we have the extra bedroom. I never wanted anything for her other than to be happy. I hope she finds what she's looking for. I am happy she will be here for Christmas. That a big deal to me. This year's theme is red and white snowflakes. Yes i have already started planning. I want to make sure Christmas is a special time for Derek and I. We don't have any family in the area, so we spend this time with people we hold close. My pal April, her mom and dad, and this year we will have her boyfriend Doug joining us! And I love Christmas music soooo much. i know it's only September and I am already planning Christmas, I'm sick. But it really is the most wonderful time of the year for me.
Thanks for all the emails and comments on my songs of the day thing. I will continue to do it. It gives me something to look forward to. If anyone wants to email me directly, it's missxomisery@aol.com. You can even tell me your song of the day and I'll use it if I can't think of one.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Things that were good/funny today
My pal Izola brought me her yummy mac and cheese, but also brought me a mix cd full of david cook and NKOTB!
Beth remembered to bring in the movie she was going to let me borrow 3 months ago.
My pal Keela came back from vacation!
Told Ricky to scrapbook about his mussy!
I received the sweetest email from one of the greatest people! He will never know how special his words were to me. For reals!
Received the following video via email from a pal who knew I was in a Dresden Dolls mood and I love Amanda so hard:
and this one too:
Was on Archerr's gang bang show and DQYDJ with Melanie, Patrick, and Stacey! (Missed you Jerry)
Found out my sister and I have something in common with Chip Coffey!
and no one was in the ER!
All I have to say to the above is Hurrah!
Beth remembered to bring in the movie she was going to let me borrow 3 months ago.
My pal Keela came back from vacation!
Told Ricky to scrapbook about his mussy!
I received the sweetest email from one of the greatest people! He will never know how special his words were to me. For reals!
Received the following video via email from a pal who knew I was in a Dresden Dolls mood and I love Amanda so hard:
and this one too:
Was on Archerr's gang bang show and DQYDJ with Melanie, Patrick, and Stacey! (Missed you Jerry)
Found out my sister and I have something in common with Chip Coffey!
and no one was in the ER!
All I have to say to the above is Hurrah!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
What a week
I have had an interesting week. I am still reeling over WMBYS. I go from being angry, to sad, to frustrated, to whatever. It is hard to put a lot of yourself into a project and then be told you can't do it anymore. I am so appreciative of the emails, phone calls, comments I have received. At first, I really thought that I could be ostracized from the community I love so much, but I was so wrong. I have never been so happy about being wrong. And yes I am very sad things happened how they did. But you know, I have learned that I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes and that's ok. I would rather be emotional then a cold person with no feelings you know? I will probably still be sad about WMBYS for awhile, but I am ready to move on. I don't want to be surrounded with negative feelings or thoughts when the whole experience was the complete opposite for me. I had a very good time doing it and i have met some fucking awesome people through it. That can never be bad. I may venture out on my own, but I am taking a break for now. Not sure what I want to do.
Moving on...
From what I gather from my mom's cryptic description, my stepdad has some weird growth on his stomach. They are gauging his symptoms and it could be nothing or something more severe. My stepdad takes crap care of himself, so I am hoping it's just him being fat. We'll see. No news is good news.
My mom's hand looks so gross. The whole top of her finger that she cut off is black and bleck. She's ok for the most part, but she can skip the ER this week.
I thought my air conditioner broke this morning and I was scured! September is the hottest part of summer for the East County and I was not having that. Derek fixed it because he knew what was good for him. I am a grouchy bitch when I am hot.
I have been doing great with the vegetarian diet this week. I am an emotional eater, so i was concerned I would be like, fuck it I don't care. But I stayed on track and I feel so good about it.
Ok I am off to play Sims. I know i'm a dork!
Moving on...
From what I gather from my mom's cryptic description, my stepdad has some weird growth on his stomach. They are gauging his symptoms and it could be nothing or something more severe. My stepdad takes crap care of himself, so I am hoping it's just him being fat. We'll see. No news is good news.
My mom's hand looks so gross. The whole top of her finger that she cut off is black and bleck. She's ok for the most part, but she can skip the ER this week.
I thought my air conditioner broke this morning and I was scured! September is the hottest part of summer for the East County and I was not having that. Derek fixed it because he knew what was good for him. I am a grouchy bitch when I am hot.
I have been doing great with the vegetarian diet this week. I am an emotional eater, so i was concerned I would be like, fuck it I don't care. But I stayed on track and I feel so good about it.
Ok I am off to play Sims. I know i'm a dork!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Breakdown, party of one
Ok, so i usually am not a high strung person. I am pretty good about letting things go. If something annoys me, I say my piece and let it go. I am not angry at anyone, just kind of sad.
My sister left for Idaho yesterday. My sister is a pain in my ass. I mean, really. But I still have a feeling of responsibility for her and I worry constantly. This passed month, I have been so worried and stressed about her. Awhile ago she was let go from her job. She has slowly sold off all of her belongings and it got to where she had nothing left. My mom said the only way she would help her is if she moved. So my step-dad flew in yesterday and they started driving up this morning. I told my sister that I hope she can get herself into a better place. Sometimes the people we think are our friends are actually poison to our soul. I feel that some of my sister's friends were her poison. I feel a little relieved and also a little sad. Ultimately being up in Idaho is my goal, maybe in the next two years.
With the stress of my sister and concern over other aspects of my life, I haven't slept more than 5 hours a night. I finally exploded into a ball of tears at work. My poor supe thought I was being bitchy at first because I was being so disespectful, and finally he just asked why I was so angry. I just lost it. So he said I could take Wednesday off and I always have thursday off, so my days have consisted of sleep, mario kart, dinner with the step dad, and researching the veggie diet. (kudos to the meat free radio boys for their emails!) I feel ok now, I think my mom was right about me needing therapy. Bwa bwa.
In other news...Everyone has returned home from the Orlandos gaydays and I have enjoyed the pictures and videos :) I got a little misty when I watched PIMC's video because I so wanted to go. I am going next year. I need me some Taylor love ;) hahah! And who knew Rodan was so cute! And from I hear, everyone got along with everyone and that makes me so grateful to be part, even if it's a tiny one, of this community.
Speaking of podcasting. I will be meeting Ricky around the 4th of July, I may be able to meet Dad aka Big Fatty the following weekend with other special guests (I hope). Something may be happening with Wes and Mary around the 21st and Phreddy is later in the week. And my 5 year wedding anniversary is the 7th of July. I will have a busy month.
Who wants to win the lottery and be my sugar daddy or momma? And you botches need to cough up your MarioKart codes, hahaha I said botches.
My sister left for Idaho yesterday. My sister is a pain in my ass. I mean, really. But I still have a feeling of responsibility for her and I worry constantly. This passed month, I have been so worried and stressed about her. Awhile ago she was let go from her job. She has slowly sold off all of her belongings and it got to where she had nothing left. My mom said the only way she would help her is if she moved. So my step-dad flew in yesterday and they started driving up this morning. I told my sister that I hope she can get herself into a better place. Sometimes the people we think are our friends are actually poison to our soul. I feel that some of my sister's friends were her poison. I feel a little relieved and also a little sad. Ultimately being up in Idaho is my goal, maybe in the next two years.
With the stress of my sister and concern over other aspects of my life, I haven't slept more than 5 hours a night. I finally exploded into a ball of tears at work. My poor supe thought I was being bitchy at first because I was being so disespectful, and finally he just asked why I was so angry. I just lost it. So he said I could take Wednesday off and I always have thursday off, so my days have consisted of sleep, mario kart, dinner with the step dad, and researching the veggie diet. (kudos to the meat free radio boys for their emails!) I feel ok now, I think my mom was right about me needing therapy. Bwa bwa.
In other news...Everyone has returned home from the Orlandos gaydays and I have enjoyed the pictures and videos :) I got a little misty when I watched PIMC's video because I so wanted to go. I am going next year. I need me some Taylor love ;) hahah! And who knew Rodan was so cute! And from I hear, everyone got along with everyone and that makes me so grateful to be part, even if it's a tiny one, of this community.
Speaking of podcasting. I will be meeting Ricky around the 4th of July, I may be able to meet Dad aka Big Fatty the following weekend with other special guests (I hope). Something may be happening with Wes and Mary around the 21st and Phreddy is later in the week. And my 5 year wedding anniversary is the 7th of July. I will have a busy month.
Who wants to win the lottery and be my sugar daddy or momma? And you botches need to cough up your MarioKart codes, hahaha I said botches.
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