Saturday, June 20, 2009

Father's Day and other things

Or other things and father's day.

First, I want to say that I appreciate everyones' comments on my previous post. I know that it was a decision I needed to make on my own, and the general consensus just confirmed that I need to trust my instincts. I am ok with not speaking with her, I am sad that anyone would have to experience cancer, but I don't contact everyone who does. For her childrens' sake, I hope all goes well for her.

My sister-in-law has a baby on the 14th. I know have a niece named Heather. I haven't seen a picture yet, but i am sure she's a cutie. Pretty soon, she and her husband will be moving to North Carolina for work so I may make it to the east coast finally. i have a feeling Jen will come here as soon as possible, she loves the zoo.

So Father's Day. Always a sore subject with me, well until this year it has been a very sore subject. For those who have read my blog for a long period of time will know that I have issues with my father and have had a hard time dealing with not having answers. In the last few months, I have come to the realization that there is no point to beating myself up over things i can't change.

There are people in my life who have give me things that I could and never receive from my father. They have shown me patience, love, acceptance, and respect. So instead of being depressed that my biological father isn't in my life, I am going to be thankful that I have more than most people have.

Of course I am not a robot and I will always have a soft spot around this time of year, but the time i spend crying over it will be less and less.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

No Title

First, I apologize for how disorganized this post might end up, I am in a weird place right now.

I found out that one of my friends from high school has breast cancer. I am in shock. Up until now, I hadn't known anyone who had breast cancer. This friend from high school and I haven't talked in six years and our friendship really just fizzled out and then ended when she stole my rent money. If she were to walk down the street, I wouldn't give her a second glance. And after our friendship ended, I found out that she lied to me about a lot of things. It made me sad because I really felt like she was my best friend, I mean we lived together for years.

But now I have come to a point where I am not sure where to go. If she didn't have breast cancer, I would have no reason to talk to her. I don't hate her, I just have nothing to say to her and there is no potential for her and I to be friends again. Because she has cancer am I supposed to talk to her? I am genuinely sad for her and her children. Is it wrong that I don't feel the need to contact her? I care if she's alright, but I would have that hope for anyone.

I feel conflicted because I feel sad about what she is having to go through, but I don't feel bad about not wanting to call her. i feel bad because I don't feel bad if that makes sense. And in a selfish way, I am afraid this makes me a bad person. I don't expect people out there to give me the answer, I have to come up with that on my own. I guess I needed to get some things off my mind.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Sorry Ricky, Birthdays, and Viva Las Vegas!

Pictures a go-go! So it has been so busy, but so fabulous! I will start from the beginning and hopefully make it short and sweet.
So the the 21st, Brian, Frank, & Christian from the TWSS podcast, Ricky from Foul Monkeys, and Miss Wes from Live it up came to Case de Nessa & Derek for dinner and drinks. I think Ricky and I were the only ones who drank to the point of drunkenness, hence the picture of us above. We played rockband, watched TV, recorded a show, and hung out. Can I just say that I love those boys. All of them are as sweet as can be and I am so lucky to have met them all and maintained a friendship. It was probably the most fun I have had in forever. And as silly as it sounds, I miss them. Bwa bwa sorry ME!
Ok, Derek and I left for Vegas the following Tuesday and spent my birthday there. It also coincided with the in-laws being in Vegas. We stayed in the Venetian and OMG! it was gorgeous. I am lame and didn't take hardly any pictures, but my father in law did. When he sends me copies, I will put some up here. I had a great time! I didn't even gamble that much. There was so much to do otherwise. Derek's 2nd cousin Janice lives in Vegas and she and her husband Bob drove us through Red Rock Canyon and it was so pretty. Vegas gets 5 stars for sure. However, the next time I go, I am going during Fall or Winter. I hate the heat.
Also, Over on the facebook, I got so many happy birthday wishes. I felt loved, so thank you all who did that. :)
So, i hate to beg, but I want to make sure I help my friend Izola as much as I can. She is raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Her fundraising page is up and she is accepting donations. Her goal is $6,500 and she is 25% there! You can read all about what she is running for by clicking the picture below! THANK YOU!!