Saturday, June 13, 2009

No Title

First, I apologize for how disorganized this post might end up, I am in a weird place right now.

I found out that one of my friends from high school has breast cancer. I am in shock. Up until now, I hadn't known anyone who had breast cancer. This friend from high school and I haven't talked in six years and our friendship really just fizzled out and then ended when she stole my rent money. If she were to walk down the street, I wouldn't give her a second glance. And after our friendship ended, I found out that she lied to me about a lot of things. It made me sad because I really felt like she was my best friend, I mean we lived together for years.

But now I have come to a point where I am not sure where to go. If she didn't have breast cancer, I would have no reason to talk to her. I don't hate her, I just have nothing to say to her and there is no potential for her and I to be friends again. Because she has cancer am I supposed to talk to her? I am genuinely sad for her and her children. Is it wrong that I don't feel the need to contact her? I care if she's alright, but I would have that hope for anyone.

I feel conflicted because I feel sad about what she is having to go through, but I don't feel bad about not wanting to call her. i feel bad because I don't feel bad if that makes sense. And in a selfish way, I am afraid this makes me a bad person. I don't expect people out there to give me the answer, I have to come up with that on my own. I guess I needed to get some things off my mind.

7 comments:

Rachel said...

I totally understand feeling bad for not feeling bad. But like you said, if she didn't have cancer then it wouldn't be an issue. Even with the cancer she's still the same person, the same person who did all those negative things. Maybe it's Karma.

Bjorn said...

Cancer doesn't change a person. I think you feel fine but don't bother if she is not in your life now. Things are better and you can feel sorry for her but do you want whatever drama she would bring in?

Malchera said...

Lady had her chance to make it up to do you before her illness. You did not wish this on her. You have your life, and she is not a part of it.

Walt said...

I don't believe you are under any obligation to get in touch. Sure, it sucks that she's dealing with breast cancer, but if she was healthy right now, would there be any reason to get in touch? No. This really shouldn't change things.

Sasha said...

You're a good and decent person, that's why you feel bad...so don't feel bad about that. I hope -that- makes sense. You'll know what to do but I pretty much agree with what's already been said. You're probably coming to that conclusion on your own too.

RambleRedhead said...

Nessa I can't agree more with the others who have posted here.

A similar thing happened with me and my ex - I hadn't talked with him during this time for a long time. He calls out of the blue and tells me he is in the hospital for something dealing with his heart. I told him well hope you get better and that was it. Two days later a mutual friend calls and asked me if I was going to go see him and I said no. She said why not be the better person and go see him and I said why - we are done and I really want nothing to do with him. She kept insisting so we went to him and of course while we were they he was a total ass. He said he would call us in a few days to let us know what is going on and of course he never called. Since I am such a nice guy I called and once again he was such an ass when I asked him if he was surprised that we came to see him - he replied well I was more surprised that the other friend showed up then you.

Moral of the story: An ass will always be an ass even if they are sick!

Put your thoughts away about feeling bad and remember you are a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy!

Hugs to you!

Taylor The Latte Boy said...

You have to listen to your gut. If it's telling you not to contact her, then there must be some reason for that. Go with what feels right.

(And don't forget, I have a master's degree in this shit, so I know what I'm talking about :) )