Saturday, November 20, 2010

30 Day Song Meme Day 9

Day 09. A song that you can dance to (supposing I dance)

Oh Yeah.

30 Day Song Meme Day 8

Day 08. A song that you know all the words to

This is also one of my favorite songs.  I even remember the first time I heard it, i was at a school dance when I was 11.  Fell in love immediately.

30 Day Song Meme Day 7

Day 07. A song that reminds you of a certain event

I have heard this song everyday for the last month.  Before that, I hadn't heard it in over seven years.  I heard this song millions of times driving to and from the hotel where Derek and I had our honeymoon.  So this song reminds me of my wedding day.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

30 Day Song Meme Day 6

Day 06. A song that reminds you of somewhere

I heard this song in a department store on Prince's St. in Edinburgh, Scotland. Anytime I hear this song I remember exactly what I was doing and who I was with. I was walking down stairs to go to the women's department with my sister-in-law Fiona. They had TVs everywhere playing this video. I said, Oh, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. And Fiona said, I don't know who that is. Not sure why I remember this at all.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

30 Day Song Meme Day 5

Day 05. A song that reminds you of someone

I'm 14 and he was my first love. He would randomly call and sing this song. We were weird kids.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

30 Day Song Meme Day 4

Day 04. A song that makes you sad

I had it narrowed down to two songs. This one made me cry first.

This comment on the youtube didn't help...

"Makes me miss my late wife so much. The first time I saw her wearing her "Micky Mouse" sweat shirt. Her Long brown hair, and bright blue eyes, and big smile. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I was so luicky; even if for only 10 short years."

I hope that man finds peace somewhere...

Sunday, October 10, 2010

30 Day Song Meme Day 3

Day 03. A song that makes you happy

Queen - Don't Stop Me Now

Thursday, October 7, 2010

30 Day Song Meme #2

Day 02. Your least favorite song

Easy...I cringe when I hear this song.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Stolen from Bjorn and Walt

30 Day Song Meme!

Day 01. Your favorite song

Of all time?! This is like asking me to pick between my children...If I had any.

About a Girl, Nirvana

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I am stronger than I give myself credit for

So yesterday was my 7 year anniversary. When I woke up, I felt confused. I thought I was going to be devastated and feel sorry for myself, and I didn't. I went to work and my pals did a good job keeping my mind off of it. I didn't think about it at all really.

Then I did something that i have been putting off because it made the divorce too real for me, I closed the joint bank account. This was the last thing other than the lease Derek and I had in both of our names. Then I came home, cried a little bit. Said something on twitter I shouldn't have because I was upset. Then got myself together and went for a walk. I went to my sisters and hung out with her and Mike. Met her boyfriend. He is very nice.

I came home and watched Dog the bounty hunter and fell asleep. Other than the time I was upset, it really wasn't as big of a deal as I was afraid of it being. I also got a bunch of stuff together for my little show. I am so excited about it, but at the same time, I have no idea what I will be talking about. I have some ideas. I just hope I don't bore everyone to tears.

Today I wasn't feeling well this morning, so I slept a lot. i needed it, I haven't slept more than 4 or 5 hours a night for weeks. I finally got up and hit the Target and made tomato cobbler that is in the oven now.

I am considering going back to being a vegetarian, but haven't decided. I will just take it as it comes and make my decisions when i am ready.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

I just want to make a change

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be
I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine
I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy
Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no

One track mind, one track heart
If I fail, I'll fall apart
Maybe it is all a test
Cause I feel like I'm the worst
So I always act like I'm the best

Friday, July 2, 2010

So here it begins...

Well, my pals that read this on a regular basis will know the news. Derek and I are divorcing. With this divorce is coming a number of changes. I am trying to remain positive in this new journey. I still have bad days and I am entitled. Today was a rough one. Made the mistake of listening to a song, but I need to cry sometimes. I am not a robot.

I miss my podcast and I have missed interacting with the lot of you. So I am making plans for a new show. Not sure how it will work, what I will do, what I will talk about. But I am determined not to become the bitter divorcée and deepen my inability to leave my house. When I do release anything, I will post announcements via twitter or facebook. I am hoping some of my podcasting pals will help me spread the word too. This blog will not be related to whatever show I decide to do. I want to keep them separate. So I won't be making any further announcements here.

You would be proud of me, I have been out walking. Not a terrible amount of distance, but I take the dog out every day for at least 20 minutes. This used to be Derek's job. Now I do it. Sometimes, I will drop Maggie back at home and keep walking. A HUGE accomplishment for me. Last week, I walked 17 miles. That is amazing for me.

I went to the San Diego Fair with my sister. I walked around with her and ate deep fried butter! I didn't really care if anyone was looking either.

I went to my friend Sarah's and she waxed my eyebrows. We hung out and talked and I had a great time. I am working on changing this shut-in quality I gained during the last seven years of my life. It is still hard, but I have made myself go and do things I haven't had to do for a long time. I washed my car for the first time in like 3 years. Gross I know. It sounds so silly that I am proud that i go grocery shopping, or I go to the bank. But I am.

The big news besides my divorce is I am making a move. In March of next year I will be on my way to Idaho. My parents have graciously offered me a place to stay until I get on my feet. A new state, a new job, new people. I am scared to the point of tears, but if I can do this, i can do pretty much anything. I have spent my entire 32 years in San Diego. I have never known anything other than here. But I long to have my family close and to make a real home for myself. I will so much about California, but it's time. I am a little excited, I already have Erik in Seattle promising drinks and Nicole and Christina will be like an hour away. Walt, you will need to come visit since Erik is an hour plane ride away from my new home. Erik should be reason enough ;)

I am hoping that i can save enough money to go to Florida in the winter. I need to get away and I have a group of people I need to meet. I have found so much support during this hard time from all corners of the earth. I can't even thank y'all enough. Even though I have not been very public about the goings on here, It is so comforting to know I could contact someone if I need to.

I think this is all I can do right now. I am getting emotional and I need to walk it off. I plan on writing more often. I need to purge my emotions. I want to remain positive and hope y'all will forgive the occasional bad day.

Nessa XO

Thursday, June 17, 2010

My New Obsession

Marina and the Diamonds

Hot damn it's so good!

The best thing about this song is the line that says, "Girls they never befriend me cause I fall asleep when they speak of all the calories they eat."

So good. Has kept me sane the last month.

Monday, April 19, 2010

A - Z Music I love, Z is for Zeppelin

Yea, yea, you could get me on a technicality, but you can also suck it! Hehe! During spring break of my 10th grade year, I spent hours with Brian and Josh listening to Houses of the Holy and and doing our own horrible versions. Liking Led Zeppelin in high school is almost mandatory. Every now and then when I hear them on the radio, I think fondly of that spring break and how dorky we were, but it was awesome. This is my most favorite song from this band. This also ends my A through Z blog posts :) (for now muahahaha)

A - Z Music I Love, Y is for Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I have been told that this song isn't their best. I say I don't care cause I love it. I don't know much about this band, but I know I have liked what I have heard and Karen O is pretty.

A - Z Music I love, X is for XTC

To be honest, I don't know any other band that begins with X, but I am fine with that. I am actually new to XTC. I had heard of XTC because an ex-boyfriend was named after an XTC song, which I never heard until the day we broke up. It randomly played on the radio. About seven years ago, I purchased a box set of new wave music. And this song was one of my favorites in the set.

A - Z Music I Love, W is for Weezer

I was in the 10th grade when the Blue Album was released. I was in Art History class and the teacher let us listen to the radio and we each had a turn picking a station. A senior named Kim picked the town's alternative station and I hear Undone (The Sweater Song). I was in the middle of my NIRVANA IS THE BEST BAND IN THE WORLD, I don't want to say phase, cause they are. But I would pay little mind to the "nerd rock" scene. But I fell in love with the Blue album, Pinkerton is still in my top ten of favorite albums, The Green Album was good too. I am not so much into Weezer so much anymore, but I still have a soft spot for the band that made it seem ok to listen to more than Nirvana.


A - Z Music I Love, V is for Violent Femmes

Right after I got my license, My pal Shannon, her boyfriend Tom, and I hopped into Mollie, my 1991 Ford Escort, and we went down to the beach to sit outside the bar where The Violent Femmes were performing. Despite not really getting to "see" them, the show was fantastic.

The Violent Femmes also provided the soundtrack of when a friend of mine and I would cruise around town. She ended up being a mega bitch, but back then, we were always hanging out. Going to shows to see a co-worker's band. Going to Coco's and counting down the tip based on the service. Being 19 was the best.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

A - Z Music I Love, U is for The Used

The Used reminds me of a relationship in my younger days. This person was and will forever will be important to me.

A - Z Music I Love, T is for Tori Amos

Tori's voice is beautiful, her music is hot. Her music can take me to places in my mind, it is almost like being Alice in Wonderland. Eclectic and memorizing. Sweet and sexy. Hurtful and dirty. There is not one single word I can pinpoint to describe Tori. Of all the music I love, she is my favorite woman.

I discovered Tori because I'm a thief. I was at a friend's house and one of his friends left a box of CD's. I found Little Earthquakes and thought, huh, I've heard of this chick. So I swiped the CD. I know, horrible of me. Now, if I find any Tori album, I have to have it. Who cares if I have 10 versions of Precious Things?! I love every single one of them.

A - Z Music I Love, S is for Saves the Day

Saves the Day is another band Melanie introduced me to in 1999/2000. This is one of my favorite songs because I always wished I could go to Jersey and Melanie and I would drive somewhere and rock out to this song. Hey I was 20 and didn't have a care in the world and I think this song described what I was feeling at the time. Anytime I here this song I think about my pal Melanie tons.

I miss when emo was good. I bet Bjorn is puking right now.

A - Z Music I Love, R is for Rilo Kiley

I saw Rilo Kiley perform this song on Craig Ferguson one night and said I need this album. What this album brought was my love affair with Jenny Lewis. Who knew an actress who did a few episodes of the Golden Girls, stared in the Wizard with Fred Savage, and was in Troop Beverly Hills with Shelly Long could write and sing songs that I would fall in love with.

A - Z Music I love, Q is for Queen

Is there really another musical act that comes to my mind? Nope. Here is something I wrote about Queen in 2006:

I saw Queen with Paul Rogers last night in concert.

My mother's favorite band in the late 70's through the 80's was queen. My sister and I grew up on the beautiful, flawless voice of Freddie Mercury, The guitar god Brian May, Roger Taylor and his perfect percussion. (I don't have much to say about John Deacon, he always seemed to just be there).

I, growing up in the household filled with this wonderful music, had an appreciation of my own of Queen. Experiencing a sheer heart attack while spending a night at the Opera or having a day at the races. Remembering news of the world and the game, jazz will still be my favorite. I could write pages upon pages of how this band has an intricate (sp) part of my life. Spending hours listening to Prophet Song with my ear phones turned up loud, watching my sister dance around the living room to Radio Gaga. Singing every word to Mustapha even though I had no idea what the words meant. Listening to Love of Life over and over again when David Brannon broke my heart. secretly laughing to myself when I'd listen to Fairy Feller's Master Stroke.

I was always trying to find my place in my musical world, what genre would I be classified in (when I thought it mattered). Rap, heavy metal, pop. Through all the experimental times with music, queen was a constant.

In 1991, I thought my 13 year old life was over when I heard that Freddie had passed. Knowing I would never get to experience his presence on stage and how sad would my mom be when I told her when she got home. I have only been sad when two musical persons had passed, the first was Freddie and the second was Kurt.

Though I have finally found the music I can listen to over and over and over....Queen is still a big part of my appreciation of musical art.

When I heard that Brian May and Roger Taylor would be touring as Queen and have Paul Rogers as the singer, I was curious. I mean Paul Rogers was great with Bad Company...but Freddie's boots are hard to fill. I was scared he would try too much to be him.

To my surprise and extreme delight, This concert was amazing to say the least. I was in such awe of the performance...stunned...Paul made these Queen songs so dear to so many his own, but showed so much respect.

Towards the end, a tribute to Freddie in the form of Bohemian Rhapsody. His angelic voice coming out of speakers so loud it was like he was there and his beautiful face gracing the huge screens...I was brought to tears. I called my mom and held my phone in the air so she could hear it.

The best part of the whole night was being able to share this experience with Derek, April, Shari, and my sister. Although we don't agree on a lot where music is concerned, we all were able to share a moment so extraordinary....Freddie was there too.

Picking my favorite Queen song would be like asking me to pick my favorite child (If I had them). This song is one of my favorites off of Jazz. And it makes me think of my pal Brian.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A - Z Music I Love, P is for Peaches

I love women who do whatever the fuck they want and make no excuses. Peaches is, in my opinion, an in your face bitch. Love her! Huh? What? right? Uh!

A - Z Music I Love, O is for OutKast

OutKast to me is more than a rap group. I think they hit most of the elements I want from my music. Creativity and a sound you don't hear everywhere are at the top of those lists. There videos have a look to them that is unmistakably OutKast and I love the way Andre 3000 dresses. B.O.B was the first OutKast song I ever heard and went what the fuck is this?! in a good way.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

A - Z Music I Love, N is for Nirvana

In 1992, while the bulk of my friends were listening to pop music, I was struggling to find something that satisfied my ears and my soul. Sounds cheesy, but it is true. Music heals, feeds, warms your soul. People don't remember or don't know that. But some of us lucky bastards know when you hear a song or a voice or a melody, that will take us somewhere else or to a moment in time that has found a permanent place in our memory.

I stumbled across a radio station playing Lithium. I needed more. Listening to Bleach and Nevermind over and over. Something in that music spoke to something in me and like millions of other kids, Kurt Cobain became my hero, for a lack of a better term.

I still listen to Nirvana on a regular basis, I still love it, and damn do i feel old to hear that the 20th anniversary of Bleach was released this year. Bleach has my favorite Nirvana song. About a Girl to me is the ultimate love song. If someone made a mix tape (CD now a days) and included this song, I knew it was serious.

This post is coming up on the 18th anniversary of Kurt's death. A death I still morn, but more importantly, a life I still celebrate and music I truly love.

"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." Kurt Cobain

A - Z Music I Love, M is for Modest Mouse

I am not sure how I found Modest Mouse. I really think it was back in the Napster days before iTunes and paying for music. I think I found Modest Mouse at the right time in my life. It was the end of a relationship and nothing was making sense. And here was Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset. Full of lyrics and music that made sense and at the same time...didn't.

A - Z Music I Love, L is for Lady Gaga

I didn't want to love her. I was determined to hate her. But I saw her on Oprah, not performance wise, but her interview. She was thoughtful, intelligent, and so creative. She wasn't this pop music star in a package that some producer threw out and is about as creative as Jessica Simpson or similar. So, I listen to the Fame, over and over. I wouldn't consider myself a pop music fan, but when it's good, it's good. And Gaga is better than good.

Friday, March 19, 2010

A - Z Music I Love, K is for Kenny Loggins

Yes..Kenny Loggins. Footloose, Danger Zone, I'm Alright, ect...

But one song haunts me. My mom said in passing that she wanted this song played at her funeral. I am not sure exactly why, but this song means something to her. Every time I hear it, it reminds me that I am going to lose her one day. It breaks my heart. My mom really means everything to me and becoming an adult child and having to come to terms with losing your parent is heart wrenching. It's a beautiful song and my mom really is a beautiful lady.

A - Z Music I Love, J is for Jimmy Eat World

Back when I first got internet access (like 1999/2000), I was in a random chatroom when a girl named Melanie sent me an IM. For some reason, we clicked. She lived in Jersey and was amazing. She introduced me to bands like Alkaline Trio, Jets to Brasil, and The Juliana Theory just to name a few. Her and I emailed and wrote letters back and forth for several years. When Derek and I got married, she wrote to me that I Derek was a lucky guy and she loved me. She called after that, but I missed the call. When I tried calling back, it was disconnected. I don't make friends with girls easily. Let's face it, girls are bitches. Melanie wasn't, she didn't want anything from me but to be a friend. I miss her. And she introduced me to this song and I will always think of her when I heard it.

A - Z Music I Love, I is for INXS

There is not a whole lot I enjoy as far as music goes that starts with the letter 'I'. But then I was struck with a memory from my youth. My aunt used to watch my sister and I during the summer while my mommie was working. She used to turn on MTV and we would rock out to the videos. Although the song I selected is not a video that would have been on heavy rotation during those summers, INXS always reminds me of my aunt and how she encouraged us to find our inner rock star at the age of 10 and 6.

Monday, March 15, 2010

A - Z Music I Love, G is for Garth Brooks and H is for Hole

Yup, that's right. I said Garth Brooks. I am not a huge fan of country music, but I can appreciate entertainment. When I was 19, maybe 20, I saw Garth in concert with my very first gay. His name was Alex and was the first openly gay man I had ever met. We would go to Hillcrest and hang out, I learned about drag queens and how you could probably tell a top from a bottom.

The concert was great and Alex and I had a great time. I miss Alex. He moved to San Francisco to be with his boyfriend and I never saw him again. I hope where ever he is, he is happy and doing well.

It is surprising to a lot of people that I would like Hole. Yes Courtney is a train wreck, but aren't we all at some point? Hole was different from anything I was listening to at that point and taught me that women can rock, that they don't have to be soft and dainty. Women don't have to be quiet and shy. Train wreck as she may be, Courtney gave me a different look on how a talented woman can be.

Friday, March 12, 2010

A - Z Music I Love, E is for Elliott Smith and F is for the Fire Theft

Of Course E would be for Elliott. Elliott is my heart. I was a late comer to the Elliott game. He was already gone when I fell in love. The majority of his songs speak to me, as corny as that sounds. It is like he is describing to the world how I feel, but was too afraid to say on my own. Sometimes when I get sad, listening to Elliott reminds me that I am not alone in that pain, and I find solace in that. This might not make sense to a lot of people, but that's OK. Another extraordinary artist gone entirely too soon, and I miss him. And to quote Elliott, "I'm never gonna know you now, but I'm gonna love you anyhow."

The Fire Theft is my selection for F for one song. I haven't heard a great deal of the Fire Theft, but where ever I heard this song, it resonated with me so much that I can't forget it. I know I first heard it shortly after Derek and I got married. I just found it to be a beautiful song and sometimes I just listen to it over and over again.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A - Z Music I Love, D is for Def Leppard

There are actually a few "D" musical acts I love, but Def Leppard has the distinction as being my first concert. I was 15 and my best friend Janessa (cute right) went with my mom and her best friend. I also saw them a second time a few years ago when they toured with Journey (another guilty pleasure). I love my 80's music, it holds a special place in my heart. Mostly because it's what my mom listened to. If it weren't for my mom, I don't think I would have the music appreciation I have today. This is my favorite Def Leppard song.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The A-Z Music I Love, C is for Coldplay

Now before anyone groans, let me explain. I am actually not a huge fan of Coldplay; however, I am a huge fan of one of their songs.

Back before Derek and I were married...hell before we lived in the same country, Derek sent me the CD single of this song as a gift. I am not sentimental about material items; however, I still have this CD packed away and will never get rid of it. This song reminds me of falling in love, how exciting it was to have someone adore you, and it reminds me of possibility.

On and on from the moment I wake,

To the moment I sleep,

I'll be there by your side,

Just you try and stop me,

I'll be waiting in line,

Just to see if you care.

Did she want me to change?

But I change for good.

And I want you to know.

But you always get your way,

I wanted to say,

Don't you Shiver? Shiver, Shiver

I'll always be waiting for you,

So you know how much I need ya,

But you never even see me, do you?

And this is my final chance of getting you.

Monday, March 8, 2010

The A-Z Music I Love, B is for The Bird & The Bee

I first hear The Bird & the Bee on Jimmy Kimmel's show singing Love Letter to Japan. The next day, I purchased two of their albums and fell in love. This song I posted is in my top 5 favorites. I could and have listened to this band all day long.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The A-Z Music I Love, A is for The Airborne Toxic Event

I stole this idea from my pal Walt. I always steal the good things from him :)

I heard The Airborne Toxic Event on the radio about nine months ago...maybe longer. I instantly loved it. I bought the album based on one song and was very happily surprised that I loved the whole album.

Monday, January 25, 2010


This song explains how I am feeling today. The lyrics say a ton.

drink up, baby, stay up all night
the things you could do, you won't but you might
the potential you'll be, that you'll never see
the promises you'll only make

drink up with me now and forget all about the pressure of days
do what I say and I'll make you okay and drive them away
the images stuck in your head

people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

drink up, baby, look at the stars
I'll kiss you again between the bars where I'm seeing you
there with your hands in the air, waiting to finally be caught

drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
keep you apart deep in my heart separate from the rest
where I like you the best and keep the things you forgot

the people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

Monday, January 11, 2010


So, Happy New Year. Been almost a month since I have written, bad Nessie!

So Christmas and New Years was quiet, which is good since I was sick most of it. Booo! Other than being sick, I enjoyed Christmas and on New Years I got to ring it in, via skype, with Cheeks, Brian, and Frank. Have I ever mentioned how much i love them? Well I do!

Got lots of iTunes gift cards and made some purchases. I used Bjorn's best of list as a guide. Purchased the Noisettes and St. Vincent. I also purchased Allison Iraheta's album. I have been obsessing over The Gossip.

I was feeling nostalgic today. Back when I was dating Nigel, he made me a mix tape (yes, an actually cassette) and on one side was him talking and playing songs on his guitar and the other side was a bunch of songs. And listening to him talk made me appreciate how innocent love can be. In the beginning when you are so excited to see someone, and you talk to them on the phone for hours, even if you just saw them. You really believed you would be with them for a long time. Nigel is a good memory.

So resolutions for New Years. I don't normally make them because I always disappoint myself. This year, with inspiration from a special someone, I decided, I should try again. So, I made a resolution to start and finish a 30 day program. I need to start small and move up. I think I always over-whelm myself with huge goals and give up. So 30 days. It started on the 4th and I am right on schedule.

So, here, watch this: