Saturday, December 29, 2007


haha the restrooms are closed.

So tomorrow afternoon, April, Derek, April's mom, and I will be heading up for three days and two nights at Disneyland. Woohoo! April, has been my friend since we were seven. We are both about to turn 30. Since April is my dearest friend, I wanted to do something nice for her. So Derek and I took my profit sharing money and booked a room with the Disneyland Hotel and park hopper tickets for her mom, derek, and I for her her 30th birthday (which is on New Years Eve). She is so excited. I am so happy that I was in the position to do this for her.

So I won't get to really talk to my pals here on the internets, but I hope you all have a wonderful (and safe) new years eve and have nothing but good things coming to you in 2008


Friday, December 28, 2007

Skype Me Baby

XO_Nessa <-- That's me on the Skype. Add me bitches!

Also, Just for research sake, what programs do you all use for recording and editing your podcasts? (I have a PC)

Taylor, I don't know how you read this dummies book, I am lost in it. haha!

Ok I'm gonna go play with this thing.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Spoiled Rotten and Bring on New Years

So My boss was nice enough to let me go home early on Christmas eve. When I came home, I expected to find April's parents cooking our Christmas dinner. Being that we were going to eat at 6 and the turkey needs to cook for awhile. 2:30 and the house is empty...3:00 no parents. Finally at 3:45 we have parents and Sandy (april's mom) is panicing about the turkey.

So one minor set back. Dinner was fabulous. We had turkey, hassleback potatoes, mushroom sage stuffing, cranberry dipping sauce for the turkey, panzenella salad, gravy, this greenbean shallot dish and pumpkin cheesecake. Although the pumpkin cheesecake tasted more like pumpkin pie than a cheesecake.

We also had drinks o' plenty. We were drinking 357's. Which is a shot of Vodka, a shot of spiced rum, and a shot and a half of Amaretto, then you fill the rest of the glass up with 7 up. We watched Peewee's Christmas special, Garfield Christmas special, then we watched Journey and Queen videos. The night was fine until Derek puked on himself, puked on Maggie's stairs (yes my dog uses stairs to get on our bed), In our walk in closet, in the hallway, and in the bathtub. So a night of drinking and eating brownies has created brown stains all over my house :(! So I was up until 4am, scrubbing the carpet, being angry and embarrassed, and extremely tired.

I was up at 8am to make cinnamon rolls. We munched on breakfast and waited for April's parents to come back. We got our goodies from our stockings ( I got an assortment of lotion and sprays from bath and bodyworks and some tarts for my burner)

We then opened our pressies. I was spoiled yet again. I got:

2 Kitchen aid utensil sets in red (to match my stand mixer I bought myself in February)
a kitchen aid emulsion blender in red
a kitchen aid mandolin in red
Some nice crocks for the oven
An assorment of hello kitty items (pens, paper, lunch containers)
The golden compass books
hello kitty pj's
gift card for bed bath and beyond
Mario Galaxy for wii with the "help guide"
a sandlewood reed diffuser.
a ipod case
a pink wii remote cover
an elliott smith hoodie
Bill and Teds excellent adventure
To live and Die in LA hahaha
and Young Guns 2

My husband hates that I love kitchen items for Christmas, but I love it. So with my gift card I will invest in a new steak knife set and cooks knives. Maybe a new pan.

Oh yea...My husband also got me a headset mic for my computer and the Podcasting for dummies book. This I found extremely funny since Holly, Walt, and I joke about about borrowing Taylor's. My husband said that maybe we i would like to know how podcasts work since I listen to so many. Sounds fishy to me. hahaha!

Ok I am extremely tired and I am back to work tomorrow.

This time next week, I will be in Disneyland! hehe!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

What I will be Watching on Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas to all my pals. Love you like family! XO

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Great Good and Bad

So first off, the great news. Derek and I found a condo that is the next cul-de-sac over. The owner called yesterday and said we wanted to meet with us on Saturday to sign the lease. So, by the way I see it, we'll be moving on Jan 15th. So that is a huge relief.

The good news. My pal April's mom is in town for Chrimbal and April's 30th birthday. April has been my pal for 20 plus years, so of course I love her mom. Some aspect of her mother's lifestyle make me uncomfortable, but I love her regardless.

The bad news. My mom has a cat named Scooter Pie. My mom got Scooter when I was 14. Scooter is staying over-night at the vets because they think her kidneys are failing. If thats the case, my mom will be putting her down. :(! So I have been a little sad. I cried a little bit. I hate that part of having pets. Seriously, I will need help when it comes to be Maggie's time :(. When Harvey got hit by a car last year, I seriously needed a day off of work because I couldn't stop crying. He was only 5. :( Now I'm all depressed. blarg indeed.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Twitter Twatter

Ok, my newest addiction...Twitter.

It's weird. It's like a slow chat room, yet I can't look away. It's nice that I can converse with all my podcast pals because they are all lovely people. I still don't know if I am working it right, but it's fun. So we'll see how that develops. Skype. I hear all this hulabaloo about it, and I'm curious. Sounds like a phone through the computer. I don't know who I would talk too. I would be sitting here staring at my screen hearing voices and trying to figure out how to talk. I am so technically retarded.

Anywho, I should go to bed. But I am waiting for my friend Laura to call me back. She's having problems with the babies daddy...blah

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Cough Couch Hack

So I have the flu. I blame Izola. She came to work sick. bah. I hate being sick.

So the house hunt is still going on. We may have found a condo the next cul de sac over. The gentleman who we have been dealing with, his mother owned it. Derek said she fell off a bus they use to drive the elderly around in. I feel so bad for him. And he's all alone for Christmas. I almost want him to come to my house, even if he doesn't rent the condo to us.

Work is alright.

I received my mother's christmas box today. A Christmas card from The Qcast boys. Walt sent me the most amazing Christmas cds that i have been enjoying almost every day :). I have a little something coming from Fairy Princess Holly too. I have been so blessed this years with all my new pals.

Ooh Jesus Christ Super Star is going to be here with Ted Neeley in January! :x My mom is going to see it in Washington this month. how awesome.

sorry, random. I really had a million things to say, but my brain has decided to shut down. I think I'm gonna make some sweet potato fries. maybe...not.

Friday, December 7, 2007

A Boat Full of Johnnys!

Ok so tonight I went to my pal April's house and we have a really great dinner and watched Pirates 3. There is a part where I guess Jack Sparrow is going crazy and there is like 20 Johnny Depps! Love it! I mean really, who wouldn't want at least one?

Tomorrow is CHRISTMAS BAKING EXTRAVAGANZA! Nessa will be in the kitchen making yummy treat for some of my pals. I promise not to spit in anything :) I am super tired. Nighty Night!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

To Taylor

And by Aunt Kitty, I mean Taylor. XO

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Time to hire movers

Ok, so (I blame you Pod is my co-pilot for me saying that alllll the time)

I did 40 minutes of OT today, feeling a little better from the migrain I had this morning. There are 2 messages on my machine from Derek. He never says what he wants, he says my name 50 times and then says he'll call back.

So I get a hold of him and find out that we have been asked to vacate the premises by February 1, 2008 so the owner can live here. I wasn't mad about it because she gave us 60 days instead of the required 30. I was kind of expecting it. The only thing that is making it hard is Maggie. It is really hard to find a place that accepts dogs. And, I hate moving. I am seriously going to do a purge of my stuff so I have less to move. For reals, I am really considering hiring movers.

We may have found a place already, Derek is going to call them tomorrow. I have a list of a few other places that are in the vicinity. We are limited due to Derek's lack of driver's license and our sucky public transportation.

Blah, I really hate moving!

If all else fails, I'm moving in with Holly!

In good news though, for me at least is that my pal Keela may be working the same shift I do! I worked with her when I was in a phone unit and when I worked nights. I love her.

Ok I need to go to bed.

Friday, November 30, 2007

December 1, 2007

I have been thinking really hard about what I would like to say concerning World Aids Day. I honestly don't think I can say anything that will do any justice. I can only be simple.

For information regarding HIV/AIDS you can go to or

For more information on the RED campaign, what you can do in your area, or donate funds. You can go to or

It starts with us all. I think we have all in one way or another been affected by HIV/AIDS. It's important to be educated or educate others.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I'm dreaming

Here are some clips to help with you scrooges out there...cough (holly and walt) cough cough! ;)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hmm Haaaw

I feel the need to post, but don't feel the need to say anything.

do you ever see someone and feel a twinge of regret?

I need a hug.

Monday, November 26, 2007


So most people know that I wake up around 3:45-4:00 am so I can work out, make a proper breakfast, get the house picked up (because british men are sloppy cunts)(sorry I love that word)

My sister had gotten in the habit of text messaging me at like 11:30 with random pictures. I have asked her to stop because it wakes me up. She complied. Well her friend Mike has taken to texting me from her phone saying things like "Vagina makes me moist" or something. i asked her to ask him not to do that. And he complied...until last night.

I received text messages from my sister's roommate's phone saying more of the same. i had to call my sister at almost midnight to ask him to stop. So I slept like shit. So when I see that piece of shit (only cause i'm grumpy and tired) at work, I will be sticking my foot up his ass.

I was craving salad like whoa last night, so Derek graciously picked up a southwestern cobb for me on his way home from the Rite-Aids. I am also trying to find a winter veggie recipie for Christmas. My pal April and I are doing a stepped-up Christmas dinner on christmas eve. The only thing "traditional" will be the turkey. Instead of potatos, were doing gnocchi, a cranerry dipping sauce for the turkey instead of gravey, some sort of stuffing/dressing. Do any of you have any ideas? I've been through all my Rachal Ray and Paula Deen cook books and about 30 pages of the 826 pages has.

Ok I need to go get ready for work and try to wake up. Even after my walk I am still dragging balls.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Last Call!

Ok I am doing Christmas cards....I have the following peoples done:

Kevin, Michael, and John
Ricky and Herbe

I know that giving strange girls on the internet your address is odd, but...I have a few other people i would like to send a card to (Taylor, archerr)

If it's ok, send me your address ( If not, it's groovy.

i really hope I am not forgetting anyone :( I am horrible at remembering names.

It's Christmas time ya'll!!!


Friday, November 23, 2007

Quick Question

Who lives in Moorefield, WV?

Speak now!

To Lie and Die in LA

So, on Taylor's advice, I added this movie to my netflix queue.

My pal April is also a William Petersen lover so we made a night of it. We ordered Olive Garden to go, and popped it in.

Ok, I was expecting maybe a fast, badly lit shot of what could have been WP's peen. That is not what I got. I saw flopping around for a good 10 seconds and there was no mistake of that being a peen. hahaha! Yes this was the only reason we watched it!

It actually was an entertaining movie, probably not for it's intended way, but it was good. I could see why Taylor would rewind and play over again ;x yum-o

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Bye Thanksgiving! Hello Chrimbal!

So Derek and I are huge Christmas (or Chrimbal) nerds and have already decorated the tree(s) and the house. I made a little video to show you :D! Yes, I am lame!

Chrimbal Trees

Yes I have 2 trees. the little one at the end Derek bought for us on our first Christmas as a married couple. We wouldn't have had one unless he did cause we were super poor then. He said he grabbed it because it was super cheap. I like it. The big one is also a fakey because the cats are retarded about real ones. So when they are too old to care, we will get real ones.

hehe! I am off to bed, I get the pleasure of working :/

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and you stuffed yourselves silly :D

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Love to Eat Turkey in a Big Brown Shoe

adam sandler

I am actually excited about Thanksgiving...That's because the day after I can break out the christmas music!!!!!!

Hehehe! And the decorations!!! I love it!

I'm bored :/


Monday, November 19, 2007

Pre-Thanksgiving Thoughts

You know, I have used this blog for a lot of complaints. From tomorrow through Thanksgiving I will not use this blog for evil. As bad things happen in your life, you tend to forget there are good things. So while I am thinking about my good things, I wanted to write them down so I don't forget.

I am thankful that my loved ones did not loose their homes in the fires
I am thankful that I got to spend time with my mom
I am thankful that Derek and I are trying to be better to one another
I am thankful for my "old" friends April, Keela, Todd, and Ru
I am thankful for my new podcast friends who have been amazingly entertaining and loving.
I am thankful for having a steady job, a roof over my head, and my car making it up that hill.
I am thankful for my Maggie, my Sabrina, and My Jazzmine.
I am extremely thankful for the inspiration others have provided me without even trying. Making me think about life in new ways trying to live a better life and be a better me.

I have to ask you all a question....Are you a good witch or a bad witch? I hope Kevin enjoys his WIZARD OF OZ REFERENCE FOR TODAY!

gobble gobble!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Nessa the hag...

Ok, so this is my bitch post. I need to vent!

Now, I wake up at 3:45 am 5 days a week, I get up, I work out for 30 minutes, I cook breakfast for Derek and I, and I do the dishes.

Now Derek works nights, so his breakfast is in the fridge when he wakes up. He also has lunch made when he comes home on his break, and has dinner waiting when he comes home. I would say this is true 90% of the time because some days, I am too tired to make dinner sometimes.

Part of our deal is that since I do cook and clean in the morning that derek will make my lunch for work and put the dishes away. Today is like the 3rd day this week that the dishes weren't put away and the ice packs i need for my lunch bag were not in the freezer. On top of that, there was coffee spilled on the counters, food from his dinner left in the sink, his uniform left in a pile in the dining room, two sodas that he drank half of left in various places, the oven light left on, all the fans left on, the DVR and cable box left on, and trash on the floor. Now this probably wouldn't have been a big deal except it's the 3rd time this week I have woken up to a dirty house that was otherwise clean when I went to bed.

Now I don't expect him to scrub the house down everyday, but come on! trash on the floor, the clothes, the spilled coffee! COME ON NOW!

Good thing I woke up early today so I had time to semi-clean up the mess.

Now I am off to shower and face another fun exciting day at the geicos.



Congratulations on being named the official Bruce!!! I am excited for you and look forward to stories of Nemo adventures :)

Saturday, November 17, 2007

I don't want to forget this later on

So I was on the pogo's with my mom playing some solitaire game and I told her that Derek and I are trying to decide what to do for vacation time and we threw around orlando. Derek wants to go to disney world. I said something like, And maybe i can meet Michael Kevin Taylor Ricky ect. Someone in the chat named Derek said were going to Florida? and I said sure, why not. My mom asked how I knew all these men in FL. I said mom their my gays.

The Derek guys says: <---Gay
I say: really, I love the gays
he says: ME TOO!

And I laughed really hard.

My pal Ru turned the big 30 today!

So I say to him Happy Birthday! *hugs* Have a safe trip home!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


Damn you Daily Purge and Foul Monkeys!

So i am listening to the daily purge this morning and John and Robbie start talking about 2 girls 1 cup. It didn't sound that bad, so I was like, I'm gonna look it up when I get home. I forgot of course.

So i am checking in with Ricky and Herbe and Ricky posted a link to it on their forum. I'm thinking, ok why not.

For reals, if you have not watched it, don't. It was by far the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

However, the reations to it on youtube are hilarious.

So for the four or five of you that read here. I need addresses for Christmas cards. I think I still have Walt's, Holly's, and Ru's. I need Michael and Kevins' and Taylor if he is comfy. Everyone else has a po box of some sort I can find. Email me at and I promise I will respect the restraining order this time ;).

Ok, I am off to find something that will erase that horrible image out of my mind.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I hate being a Representative of my Company

sometimes...But I will get back to that.

April has been my best friend since I was 6 years old. I love her like family. I love her family like family. her family will be coming to my house for Christmas. For her 30th birthday (which is on new years eve) Derek and I are taking her to Disneyland.

In 1997, April's brother Robbie passed away from cancer at the age of 18. We were all devistated. The thing is, when I mourne, I like to be alone. i have one gigantic emotional fit then continue to face the world. April on the other hand needs to be around the people she loves. I couldn't be there for her. I dunno, his 28th birthday was last week and April still doesn't got to work, watches all of his favorite movies, does what she needs to. I remember after we went to his graduation (Aunt Peggy accepted his diploma) April said she always imagined Robbie and I getting married. That was probably the first and only time we grieved together. My mom has a picture of us after our cry, sounds wierd I know, but I love that picture. I miss Robbie, a lot. He was funny, had a great laugh. Very handsome. I hate that I am not remembering as much as I used to. But I will always remember his laugh. I know it's been ten years, but you know, I don't want to forget. With that being said, next subject.

Of course everyone knows that gay men and women can't be legally married. Some states, like California, have passed laws granting Domestic Partnerships that give the couples the same rights are married people and in my industry that means we can list them as spouses and married. I guess in Washington state they passed some similar laws granting some rights for domestic partners. A gentleman wrote in to my company two weeks ago and said hey these laws were passed, what does that mean for me and my husband. I told him I would look into it. Our "legal" department states that the laws passed do not require us to give same sex couples the married rate and we wont.

So i have to write this man and tell him that the only thing I can do is list him as a domestic partner on their policy, but he can't have a married rate. This is where I had to separate my work persona from what I really wanted to say to this guy. My email to him was more personalized then I am supposed to write and if my boss read it, I would more than likely be "talked to."

I had an emotional day and needed to vent. I love my blog. I would love my blg more if it gave me ice cream and washed my car...but i'm not picky.

I have been thinking...I was actually inspired...but I think it would be fun to be on a podcast. But then I think, oh yea, I don't do the computer so well and oh, yea...what the fuck would I talk about. oh well, I shall continue to be a loyal participant. It's a random thought.

Ok my brain is tired. i think i'm done. yup.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Porn for Taylor and me

For reals, this man is so hot! Grrr!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

My name is what?

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Holly Cruiser
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Chocolate Malted Crunch Chocolate Chip
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
V Pem
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Red Giraffe
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Naomi San Diego
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Pem Va
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, first tool that comes to mind, put “The” at the beginning)
The Purple Wrench
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Dick Robert hahahaha
9. STRIPPER NAME : (favorite candy, the name of your favorite perfume/cologne)
Krackel Obsession
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Francis Lee

I got the fever

Last night, after Derek got home from work, Derek and I went to the Viejas Casino. I am notorious for losing all of my money in 20 minutes. I don't ever cash out when I should. I always think one more time. haha.

So last night we were down about $50 bucks. Derek and I were kinda of done and I was bummed because the Wheel of Fortune game was down. So as we were trying to find the exit, I see three mini Wheel of Fortune games. They called to me! Pay Sajack's sweet voice asking me what I would do with all the money I won. Vanna White cheering me on. Derek gave me a five and said ok this is the last time.

Well the mini Wheel games are penny slots. So I lost it all but I think 90 cents. I bet as much as I could on each line and I got a wheel spin. I ended up winning $24 bucks :) I wanted to keep going, but Derek hit the cash out button.

So Pat Sajack, Derek and I had Dennys at 2am with all the money I won. Derek is from the british persuasion when it comes to breakfast. It's called heart attack meat plate. he had 8 pieces of sausage, 2 pieces of ham, 2 eggs, hash browns, and toast. He said it was the closest thing he could find to a proper british breakfast. What ticks me off is Derek is probably 130 pounds :/ bastard.

When we went to scotland, I had never seen so much pork product in my life. I don't eat the pig so I would have scones with cheese and jam (sounds gross, but it is really good)

April is coming over for dinner and CSI. Have I ever mentioned my attraction to gray haired men...Of course I have my love for the Bens and matts of the world. But for real, I love william petersen...HAWT!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Ramble Ramble Ramble

I have found that the steam I had when I first started this blog is dwindling. but I think it's quality not quantity. riiiight!


For those who have asked about my sister...Thank you and I am sorry I haven't gotten back to any of you regarding it. My sister is fine. Apparently she has not been eating. her excuse is that she doesn't have any money. Well, I don't have anything mature to say to that. I am angry at her for lieing to me about it. I specifically asked her if she had been eating and she said she had. My sister makes extremely poor decisions when it comes to her money. I had been helping her for almost two years. It got to be too much. She also would rather get stoned and wallow in her misery than go grocery shopping. She is 25 years old. She is at the point where she needs to sink or swim. I can't help her anymore. So yes, she is fine from her stint in the ER, everything else, not so much.

Back when I began the love of my life posts, I had talked about David. I actually found him on the myspace. He is married with three children. His wife is very pretty. I sent him a message, not really expecting to hear anything back. He actually did write me back and we have traded a few emails. I'm happy that he has grown up. He seems to be doing well. I'm happy for him.

This whole week of fires, ER visits, and just normal life has taken it's toll on me. I went home a few hours early on Friday because I began crying and couldn't stop. I think i needed to have a good cry and some rest. My sleep pattern has been all out of whack, I haven't been eating as well as I should. I haven't gone back to my awful ways, but i haven't been drinking as much water. I still have been exercising 5 days a week, but I really think the added stress and lack of good food has altered my mood greatly. I really need to get back on track.

Have any of you seen the preview for August Rush? It looks like a make Nessa cry movie. I haven't really heard anything else about it.

ok, I am off to do something else....Like take a nap haha!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Archerr, My sister, and Charlie Brown

Yesterday I was upset with Archerr for comments he made regarding the fires here in California. He apologized today and I really appreciated it. His apology was sincere and I knew he didn't intend to upset anyone, SO I don't hold one ounce of a grudge. Love ya Mr. Archerr!

I left work at 1:15 today to take my sister to the emergency room. She passed out at work and was incoherent. So we sat in the ER for hours to find out there is nothing wrong, which is great. But my work only allows sick time for parents, grandparents, and children. So I have to argue with the powers than be that I shouldn't be penelized because we were in the ER.

I am sitting here watching It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. I love Charlie Brown. I always thought of myself as Lucy. A couple of blockheads sitting in a pumpkin patch! hahahaha!

I love everything about Charlie Brown. I always have a soft spot for the underdog.

Ok I am going to eat my frosty and go sleepies.

I really am glad my sister is ok...I was kinda scared.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Zoning the hell out O_-

So updates galore. well, not really.

So everything is sorta going back to normal. I can honestly say that I have never seen so many fire trucks and police vehicles in my life. When I was driving home Sunday there was a line of nine green colored fire trucks hauling ass up the road.

That I know of, two men lost their homes at my work. A bunch of people were evacuated and only a portion of people have returned home. the fires aren't out, but for the most part, its getting resolved.

I have to sent a very special thanks to Taylor, Taffy, and Rodan from Pod is my Copilot for their very kind words and thoughts. It meant a lot :)

I don't know how many readers listen to Archer's podcast, but I still find what he said upsetting. But I guess I really can't blame him. If California is protrayed as a upper class fun zone, then I guess I can't expect people to empathize with us po' folk. I'm not mad at him, I think I was surprised by it. I'll leave it at that.

For reals ya'll, I just saw a commercial for Charmin where the bears had paperballs stuck to their butt. i tried to find the commercial on the youtube, but instead found this:

I say....WTF?

Friday, October 26, 2007

Long Distance Dedication

With the reunion of My pals Michael and Mr. Bee I thought a little mood music was in order. Enjoy boys! (that rhymed har har)


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

emotional overload

I have been so lucky that this fire has not come near my home. The closest it was I think was about 15-20 miles but then the winds shifted and it started to go back the other way. I have been keeping an eye on the news, answering the text messages from co-workers and family.

I will not be required to return to work until Friday as things stand now. I am waiting to hear from my supervisor. He's the type of guy to call everyone to make sure they're ok...he hasn't which leads me to believe he was evacuated. (I believe) he lives in an area that was hit pretty hard. So I am keeping good thoughts going his way.

The govenater was down here all day surveying the scene and Bush will be here on Thursday. FEMA arrived earlier today also. heh, I keep say FEMA's here ya'all! ala Britney Spears.

I have to say, I love fire fighters. I love them. They are working so hard to keep as many structures standing as possible. Working days straight with little sleep. I love them. I am sending them extra special good thoughts.

Thank you all for your thoughts and kind words. It's nice to know you have love coming your way when your scared and worried out of your mind.

Monday, October 22, 2007

For reals, we're burning

This might give an idea of how bad it is right now. For reals, I am freaking out. I live in Santee.

The winds and smoke have been so bad, they haven't been able to flight planes over to dump some water.

I am safe right now, and I am sooo thankful. I really hope that everyone is safe and thank you thank thank you for the places who have offered shelter for the animals.

Sorry ya'll. I am babbling like whoa. But I'm scared ya'll. I am glad I stole the green blanket from my mom. I don't care if I come off like a cry baby right now. this shit sucks.

California is burning

There are 8 fires burning in San Diego county right now :(

My home is not in the vicinity of any of these fires; however, I think my supervisor's being evacuated. I don't have a personal phone number for him, I really hope he is ok. With his recent troubles with his health, i am worried.

It smells of smoke, even inside with all the windows closed. I have a towel in the crack of my front door. My animals are staying close to me, They seem mellow, but I think my anxiety has made them want to stay near me. Does that make sense?

This is scary. I remember how scared I was during the cedar fires in 2003. I could see the fire coming over the hill then. I don't see any fire now, but the smell.

My office is closed for sure today and tomorrow. i would say 90% of our schools are closed either due to the fire or the air quality.

I really hope that everyone gets to where they need to be safely. If anything changes, I do have somewhere to go. My pal Todd said I could come crash, he already has a co-worker of ours and her family.

I want my mommie :(

Saturday, October 20, 2007

No witty title

So while I was parusing my pals on the livejournal and my pal Bran posted a link to a documentary-type film called Zeitgeist. Which he (bran) described as propaganda and conspiracy theories, but states we should watch it anyways. So, I take the two hours to watch it because another person's view on religion and government always interests me. I don't know how much I agree or disagree with, but it was definitely interesting. I have always had a mild agnostic view on politics and religion so anything that sparks my brain a thinking is good.

So if you have some free time, I say watch it. If anything, it is interesting to see what this person's (the director) point of view is on the world and what's going on in it.

I know that some people are offended by talks of religion or government. Please don't look at it as a personal attack on your beliefs, it is just another idea of how another group of people have on how the world works.

One thing I do believe, is that if people took the time to see someone else's point of view, that understanding wouldn't be so hard to come by.

I am also curious on peoples' opinions on this movie. So let me know :)

Friday, October 19, 2007


When I was about 8 years old, I used to watch KIDS incorporated religiously! I was looking for The Never Ending Story song on you tube and find this:

In this video you will see the song stylings of Martika and Stacey Fergeson (AKA Fergie) and the drumming of mr. Mario Lopez! (he's playing during the second song from the goonies)

This shit cracks me up. When I was 8 I used to tell people that this one was my cousin:

She ended up being Jennifer Love Hewitt. hahaha! She's my cousin ;)

I love youtube.

Across the Universe

Yesterday, Derek and I went out for lunch and to see Across the Universe.

Now, I was on the fence about seeing it as i was getting mixed reviews. Some people loved it, some people said it wasn't worth seeing in the theater, some said to skip it all together. I wanted to love this movie. i haven't fell in love with a film since Moulin Rouge!

So we went during bargain hour (woohoo!)

First - I really liked it. I didn't love it, but I really liked it. Visually, it was beautiful, the symbolism, the colors, really great.

The story - I felt there were parts that didn't add anything to the film, if anything, they confused me. It was too long. I felt that the movie had ended three or four times. I hate that feeling. When I'm like ok roll the credits, wait no? I don't go to the movies ever because I can't sit and pay attention that long. I do think that having a Janis type character and a Jimi Hendrix Character wasn't necessary, I think they could have been regular people and it wouldn't have taken anything away from it. I think there were characters created just for the sake of adding in another song.

Eddie Izzard as Mr. Kite freaked me the hell out. That whole song freaked me out. but in a good way

A lot of people loved the Let it be number. Other than saying hey racism sucks ass, I didn't understand it's point of being in the film. I also didn't understand the purpose of having Prudence in the I want to hold your hand part either. I guess they were showing where the characters came from. But to be honest, I don't think it mattered since I was under the impression that it was a story between Lucy and Jude. I think the Prudence aspect of the story could have been removed and it may have helped the film flow better. (And cut out 20 minutes from the movie)

The best part of this whole film was the music of course.

My favorite parts via song...
Come together (when the jimi-esque guy comes to NY)
I want you
Mr. Kite

Out of 5 stars I would give it a 3. I think seeing it in the theater adds to the experience due the surround sound and the colors. If you go purely on story, netflix.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

For my own knowledge mostly

Chiba gets nothing

Elliott Smith (my heart) was tragically taken from us three years ago this month. His "girlfriend" sued his estate to get more than a million dollars. She lost. From what i've heard and read she may have had something to do with it. It's just really sad. I would have to say the majority of songwriters I love are gone too soon.

For those who do not know Mr. Smith, he was nominated for an oscar in 1997 for his song Miss Misery (from good will hunting, written and staring Taylor and my oscar winning husbands, Ben and Matt)


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

more morbid nessa

So I was reading up on the black Dahlia on wikipedia (because I didn't know who she was) and I ended up on a page that taked about Helene Jegado (look her up) and whomever edited her page said This lady was very dumb and gay.

what the fuck?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Where's Kevin?

So In the morning I watch VH1 while eating breakfast and I am watching this video and thinking, this is like a bad boy bad video, but with older dudes....

Then I realize...

It's the backstreet boys

Like a new release...

But no Kevin :(

Shut up!

PS Taylor this is not over.
PSS Ben and Matt say good morning ;)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Oh it's on

My future ex-husband.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Suck it!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Be you and no one else

As said by the Daily Purge and Pod is my copilot

October 11th is National Coming Out Day and for those of you that have chosen this day to do so, I say congratulations! You have a lot of support, love, and hope around you. Be proud of who you are, you have no one to answer to but yourself!

My first experience with a person who was gay was with my mother's best friend growing up named Vance. They were so close, i called him uncle Vance. I don't remember specific things as I very young. But I remember when it became apparent that uncle Vance was gay. I believe I was six years old. My mom took me to his house where he lived with his partner. They were holding hands, doing what any other couple would be doing. I don't remember questioning it, being confused, or anything of that nature.

My uncle Vance was also HIV positive. I don't know if it was from drug use or unprotected sex. My mom didn't talk about it with me. I hear a lot of it was the early 80's and no one knew any better. Vance moved to Alaska in the mid 80's. He committed suicide about 15 years ago. My mom said he just couldn't handle what was happening to him. It really is very sad.

I am appreciative that I had the experience of having Vance in my life. My mother isn't usually accepting of others who are "different." I think that if Vance were straight, I may not have the same feelings or opinions when it comes to the Gay community. But then again, I could have.

I guess what I am saying is that I wish nothing but good things for anyone regardless of who you are, gay, straight, ect. Just be who you are and be proud. There are a ton of people who are proud of you, including me.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Home Sweet Home?

So yes I am home now. Although I had a huge arguement with my mommie (yes I still call her mommie) I miss her horribly and worry about her all the time. Derek and I are seriously considering moving up there, if all goes well with us. So far, so good. We are communicating well and finding little things to do together.

My poor pal April was dumped via email this week :/ It came out of no where from what I can tell. She was talking about spending time with him on the day I left, I come back and my sister says he emailed her and dumped her. It's like dude, grow some balls. Over the phone is better than email. I feel for her because it's her first serious guy in a long time. He's a shithead.

I have 90+ podcasts to catch up on. so many. Most are the Adam Corolla show. I might just delete those.

I'm just babbling now.

Walt, Holly, and Ru the postcards should be arriving shortly. I mailed them before I left. I didn't forget about you :)

Wednesday, October 3, 2007


So yes her I am in cold, windy, rainy Idaho. So far my trip has really sucked ass. My mom and I had a few drinks and she made a comment about how I lie like my father. She meant it in a "funny way." Well, Being that my father abandoned us when i was 6 and called once in a while to tell me he was gay, had aids, had cancer, was dieing. Not of which was true. He is just a mental case that lied all the time. So me being completely wasted, freaked out, and proceeded to scream at my mom, step dad, and husband random things. Mostly my mom. I was so angry because she kept saying I needed to calm down and i was being silly. The more she told me to stop, the angrier I got. My mom continued to say things to me that were hurtful and I retaliated equally. It got to the point where I had my bags packed and I was walking in the rain to the airport.

So yea, I didn't leave. But i am really uncomfortable. I play it off like things are fine, but for reals. I am tired of having this hole in my heart because of my father. I am tired of feeling like my mom resents me for it. I am 29 years old and should be able to get over this :(

I haven't really kept track of what i have been eating. I the worst thing I had was Sonics on the first. It was a hamburger and a cherry limeaid. They don't have a sonics by my house, so it was my treat. Everything else has been on the healthy side. My mom does lo-carb stuff, so there isn't a lot to be pigging out on you know.

I watched Pushing Daisies tonight. It was pretty good. I really don't watch the TV, but i might give this show another shot.

Anyways, I am going to go. Hopefully my next post won't be gloom and despair.

I miss my dog :(

Friday, September 28, 2007

Is it sad that I want a tattoo from a video game

So With the purchase of the wii, Derek bought paper mario. And i see this little character

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Now I have always wanted a butterfly tattoo because my first name (Vanessa) is the genus name for butterflies. But I didn't want the typical butterfly. But I saw this in the game and thought it was purfect. I would of course tweek it to be mine, but I love that it's not a round shape, its more square. And of course I'm a fan of the rainbows :)!

Tomorrow will be a busy day, grocery shopping, packing, cleaning. Blah. I should have really done something constructive, but no I played on the internets and called Qcast's voicemail in a fit of silliness with Holly and Walt. hehehe! Then talked a bit with Ricky from Foul Monkeys.

Derek wants to play wii when he gets home. I am pretty good at the golf one. Bowling psssh...I am a pro now, but that won't last long.

Degrassi comes back next friday! I am almost 30 years old and I am so addicted to this teenage soap opera. God, I love it. Want to see what happens with Marco and Dylan! Want to see what happens with Alex and Page! I'm a nerd.

Today I ate:
a bowl of smart start
vanilla yogurt
graham crackers
roast beef sammie
sun chips
cookies :(
homemade (:)) spinach-cilantro soup with the left over steak from last night
1 diet coke
1 pepsi
35 oz of water (hopefully derek will bring some home :))

Birthday Dinner and Tylenol PM dreams

So last night Keela came over and we headed to the Roadhouse Grill. Never been there, it was interesting. They give you peanuts when you sit down that you can promptly throw on the floor. It was a nice dinner and it was great to see Keela.

I took a Tylenol PM at about 8:30 since I hadn't been sleeping well and fell asleep about 9 ish.

Ok I had some really weird ass dream about a guy I don't know, but looked farmiliar, trying to ride a bike, but he kept falling off. Any interpretations?

Yesterday's menu:
sun chips
half a chicken salad
1 bbq potato thing it was a half of potato with bbq sauce, cheese, and onions.
1 cream cheese eggroll
a green salad
maybe 5 oz of a steak, I ate less than half and it was a 12oz.
1 diet coke
30 oz of water
2 black cherry cream sodas

I have to go get ready for work now :(

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I should be cleaning...

But I'm not hehe! I will after my blarg here.

Yesterday was alright, Work was boring as normal, came home and caught up on the oprahs and then played wii sports with Derek. I whooped his ass at golf, he whooped me at tennis, and we tied at bowling.

Today Derek has a dentist appointment, were gonna run to Target to pick up a few things, then out to dinner with Keela.

Yesterday I ate:
an egg with toast and a piece of pepperjack cheese
turkey sammie
teddy grahams
soy burritos
1 diet coke
90 oz of water

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Dear Alarm Clock

i want to say thank you for not going off this morning. It was a treat to wake up an hour and fifteen minutes late. It was great that I didn't get a good breakfast and a proper walk. If you do this again alarm clock i will throw you against the wall. Hugs and kisses, me


Nothing to much to say today. i am a walking much to time...barrrrrrggggg

Walt, I am going to Idaho for a week to see my mom. April is staying with my babies so they don't get lonely. Plus I think Maggie loves April more than me haha! Good luck on the overtime.

I have to say that Ricky from the Foul Monkeys podcast is awesome. I just started listening on a regular basis because of Taylor TLB and a few mentions on Qcast. I love when people are approachable and down to earth. love it.

So I downloaded AIM (Ricky's fault) so if any of ya'll want to gab with me, my AIM thingy is Missxomisery. Add me! We'll talk, no big whoop.

Food for today:

i had a breakfast burrito for breakfast (duh)
turkey sammie
teddy grahams
vanilla yogurt
field greens salad
lean cuisine french bread pizza
2 diet cokes
66 oz of water

Monday, September 24, 2007

I should take that vicodin

Ok, so last night I was swearing to buddah it was going to be an early night. And by early I guess I meant 11. I know 11 isn't terribly late, but it is when you wake up at 4am. I seriously have not slept more than 3-4 hours a night for the last two weeks. My boss said I should pop some Tylenol PM. I didn't have time to grab any, but I do have a vicodin. I am tempted, but then I'm not. I just got a million things on my mind. But I am going to see my mom a week from today :D

My pal April will be staying here with my babies. Maggie loves April so I know she'll be in good hands.

I will have to share some stories about April at a later time. April has been my best friend for 21 years. I love her a whole bunch :)

Hahah Hootie and the Blowfish are on Emeril Live! hahahah! I liked Hootie back in the day.

Hell yeah! I loved the 90's :X

Today was much better for eating.

I had a piece of toast, an egg, and a piece of pepper jack cheese for breakfast.
teddy grahams
turkey sammie
a giant mixed green salad with black beans, chicken, and avacado.
1 diet coke
66 oz of water

I have a pair of sweat pants I have had for several years that have been more like leggings on me. I am wearing them now and they are def looser in the legs and tummy :) i am still walking and still doing crunches at least 5 times a week. It's not even as hard as it was when I started. I am actually starting to like the walks.

It's nice to feel good you know?

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I must see this film!

It should be playing in LA...I am really thinking it would be worth the drive.

I haven't been so intrigued since Moulin Rouge!

I am sore, damn wii

So after playing wii tennis and bowling, I feel like my arm is going to fall off. I started playing paper mario today. It's cute and fun. I'm happy about having the wii, not happy about the money we spent on it haha.

I'm going to bed early tonight, I need to start getting more than 5 hours of sleep. it's taking it's toll.

Chargers lost :(

i didn't list my food yesterday, was too busy playing :X

yesterday I had
sun chips
potato soup
6 bites of a steak and some fettuccine alfredo
3 diet root bears
16 oz of water

today i had

black bean and egg burrito
a turkey sammie
a hand full of teddy grahams
string cheese
the rest of my alfredo from the day before
two squares of a chocolate truffle bar :X and it was good.
60 oz of water
1 diet coke
1 diet root beer

Friday, September 21, 2007


After months and months of searching we finally have a wii! We can't get it to go online though :X! haha!

So far Derek and I have been playing the sports games. And the boxing! Holy cow, I was sweating like one after like one round. But it is a lot of fun. Once derek figures out how to get it online, he'll be happy.

We're gonna have Chilis for dinner and play Mario Party :D!

Today was a bad day that turned into a good one.

Holly, the fairest princess in all of fairyland! Best of luck on your path to drop the 7!

Walt! please feel better!

Kevin and Michael! Congrats on the house!

Taylor, congrats on the 25!

food for today:
Blackbean and egg burritto
vanilla yogurt
sun chips
turkey sammie
string cheese
pumpkin spice frap
a brownie :x
A buffalo chicken salad
french fries
50 oz of water
1 diet coke

I had junk today. But its ok to have a treat one in awhile. I can't beat myself up about it cause i'll eat more.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Dear Asshole

This will be very reminisant of Robbie's rants on the daily purge.

Dear Asshole driving on the 67 at 5:30 this morning,

It is customary that when it is pitch black outside, that you use your lights. That's right, every car is equipped with them. They are put there so when it is dark, and the road isn't lit, and to top it off it's raining, you can put them on to see and other cars can see you. You see asshole, it is almost impossible to see a black and/or dark blue car if you don't put your fucking lights on.

Thank you!

So i worked the five hours OT today. I went to starbucks on the way home and had a small pumpkin frap and bought derek a java chip frap. Came home and didn't do really anything. I had lunch then took a nap. I have been enjoying the cool weather. I think the high today was 70. I love it. Fall is coming *does a jig*

Food today wasn't so good. I really need to work on a routine for my days off. I didn't eat crap, just didn't drink enough water...I didn't drink any :( I will def have a huge glass before bed. Anyways...

I woke up late so breakfast was a slimfast.
sun chips
turkey sammie
1 diet coke
1 pumpkin frap
1/2 a diet cream soda
1 scoop of ice cream

ahhh-I forgot to eat dinner :/ It's too late to eat now. I will prolly have a scoop of cottage cheese so I can take my vitamin. blarg.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I'm tired is the story of my life

I have been so tired this week. I feel like when anybody asks how I am, I am always saying i'm tired. Blah. Tomorrow, I am working some overtime instead of sleeping all day. I am only working 5 hours, but that will be like an extra $150 bucks on the pay check :)

But for reals...people, when you move...CHANGE YOUR ADDRESS ON YOUR DAMN INSURANCE POLICY. I work in the internet department for GEICO. Once a month we send out emails to customers who report a change of address to the post office asking them to change their address with us. Normally we'll have a steady queue of requests, never getting above 40-50...Yea today 200+ all day ZzZzZz

So, I was looking through the facebook....this is the same for myspace...

Why have a profile if it's going to be private? I understand for kids under 15 and stuff...But for reals? I don't get it. If these are social, networking sites...Why make them private and block anyone from seeing you?

Love and good thoughts going out to Michael from Qcast Connections on his audition! My fingers are crossed.

Food for today was...

a piece of toast with an egg and a piece of cheese
grapes, carrots, sun chips
turkey sammie, string cheese
chicken and black bean salad
fat free chocolate milk
50 oz of water (I'm working on more)
1 diet coke

I have walked every days so far this week, I have also started doing some crunches cause i have a belly.

i tried on a pair of pants I bought 6 months ago last night. When I bought them I couldn't get them buttoned. Now I can get them buttoned and zipped. They are still a little tight for my liking, but I could wear them. It was motivating.

I have to say that my pals Walt, Holly, Mr. Bee, Ru, your words of encouragement have seriously helped and I thank you a million times.

I hope starbucks is open around 5:30am tomorrow so I can get me a pumpkin spice frap before work. Taylor...its your fault i need one!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Johnnie, Mario, ZzZzZ

In high school, my jr/sr year i was pretty much hung out with Janessa and John. I don't know how I met john, he might have had a class with Janessa and it went from there. Anyway, John was the complete opposite of me. his clothes were always clean and well-put together, his hair was always done, i'm pretty sure he showered every day haha. Me on the other hand....Well, I was a grunge child. so you can imagine.

Anyways we were pals. John and I were mean to each other. always out of love. As an example how mean we could be, for my birthday, he got me richard simmons cookies. Cause I was a big girl then too. But you know, my feelings could have been hurt, and probably would have been if it were anyone else but John. I called him a bitch and we ate the cookies.

After we graduated, he came and saw me at work a few times. Then he dropped off of the face of the planet. I thought about John often, I mean he was my pal.

Well this is a reason I love the internets. I found Johnnie on the myspace. he lives in NYC and not to my surprise had come out. When we were kids, I knew he was, but i never said anything for a couple reasons. 1) I didn't care and 2) In my mind, you don't confront a teenage boy on his sexuality because what if I was wrong and he stopped being my friend.

But that's not the point of my post here. After not speaking for years, i still feel like were great friends. He has talked to me about some of my concerns with my marriage and has been so great. I'm just so grateful for his friendship and the caring people around me.

Now, i have to thank the Daily Purge a million times over for introducing me to Mario Spinetti. Holy Shit his voice makes me cry. I have listened to his album 20 times today and I HIGHLY recommend you check his work out on the itunes or his myspace.

Create your own banner at!

Today I ate:
an apple
cottage cheese
a piece of toast with peanut butter
vanilla yogurt
turkey sammie
string cheese
green salad
one turkey dog
one scoop of ice cream
66 oz of water
1 diet coke
1 diet cream soda
1 sugar free rockstar (I was tired yo!)

Monday, September 17, 2007


It was a long day. I am totally stoked because it was under 80 degrees today. I really want to take my walks outside instead of on the machine. Maggie will love a long walk instead of the little ones she gets. I have started walking 5 days out of 7. My goal is to do all seven days, it's my days off that throws off my motivation. But I will get there. I feel better physically already which is helping with me to continue.

I was browsing The Foul Monkeys blog and saw a click for Gore Vidal's Caligula trailer. Courtney Love was in the trailer. You know, I am not a huge fan of Hole, but Courtney as an actress...I love her. I thought up until she got her face done, she was gorgeous...but she looks pretty in this clip.

She looks a little twacked out, but I think she looks pretty. I know, i'm weird.

Food for today
Mushroom, spinach omelet with left over portabello sausage
Vanilla yogurt
harvest cheddar sun chips
turkey sammie
string cheese
green salad
one of them lean cuisine paninni
1 diet cream soda
1 diet coke
66 oz of water

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Tori is my love

a tough patch, i hope


Yesterday Derek and I discussed separating. A very hard conversation to have. The truth of the matter is we haven't been happy for awhile. It was like we were both trying really hard to meet the same goal, but in different places. Lack of communication basically. So we have decided that we will try very hard to communicate better and to do things together. If things don't feel better by February, well we'll discuss it when the time comes.

It's very scary. I love Derek very much, and he loves me but we almost live as roommates. It's not making for a healthy marriage you know. So were gonna try. really hard. Cause if it doesn't work, I don't know what i'll do.

Walt, you'll have to clean out your comic book room heh. kidding of course.

I feel better today. kind of optomistic. Still very scared.

Food for today:
Onion and mushroom omlette
turkey sammie with some cheddar harvet sun chips
Whole wheat pasta with zuchinni and portobello mushroom sausage
scoop of ice cream
1 diet cream soda
1 diet coke
66 oz of water

Quick food thingy

Yesterday was bad...I had a bad day yesterday and I will write why later. I wanted to jot down my food before I forgot.

Cottage cheese
1 diet cream soda
Southwestern Cobb Salad with an Avacado Ranch
A caramel Kit Kat bar
Mango Tea

Today will be better.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

The rainbow room at O'Hare

Is this Chapter 4? -Nigel

When I got my first computer in 1999(a teal imac cause it was pretty) I had AOL. While cruising around the chat rooms, I spotted a nirvana chat room. This room was full of regulars. I soon became one of the regulars. It was fun to escape from the crap I had going on in my own life. In 2001 (i think)I started talking to Nigel. He lived in Chicago and we talked about a lot of things. Talking to nigel was different then talking to anyone else, we really hit it off. Then it turned into talking on the phone. Then i found out that Nigel was 17. Right off the bat, I was like um I'm too old for you (I was 22 at the time). We kept talking and kept hitting it off, he became my best friend. So I decided to hop on a plane and go met him in person.

His parents, of course, were concerned. What kinda crazy person was coming to meet their son. i talked to his mom and let her know that this wasn't about anything but putting a face to the name and if it was about anything physical, I could stay home for that.

So i went. First I have to say i love nigel's mom and dad. They remind me of young hippies who shower hahaha. Nigel was just so sweet and adorable. We had fun together. I went out a second time and felt right at home. It's wierd for me to feel at home with other people. I just did. It was an innocent kind of relationship. But it was not meant to be anything more than it was. The age difference of course played a part, the distance played a bigger one. I think Nigel is one of the guys I think of and i really don't have a negative feeling towards. I also think that my love for Chicago comes from my love for nigel. Like i couldn't have one without the other.

Nigel, like the majority of my past interests was very into music and makes his own. he uses old nintendo music and mixes them with beats. It's actually pretty good. I don't talk to him very much these days, but hope he's doing good.

I couldn't find anything with the nintendo music in it, but here's a sample of what kind of music nigel does. He did not make the movie, but it's his music.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Not up for a blog

I was gonna do another chapter of Nessa's loves, but i am not in a love mood today. Maybe tomorrow.

Spinach-mushroom omlette
cottage cheese
three bites of an apple, I bit into a mushy bit and it ruined it for me
turkey sammie
turkey sammie
3 diet cokes
48 oz of water

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Comic Book Guy

Chapter 3 - Robert

Robert is another cast off of Janessa's haha! I believe Robert and I were 14 when we met. Janessa and Robert met at school (This is when I attended a different high school). I'm not sure why, but i ended up talking to Robert on the phone. We became fast friends. Then Janessa gave me the wonderful task of breaking up with Robert for her. Hey we were 14 that's what we did. Robert and I still stayed friends through all that. We even dated for one month i believe during the summer before the 10th grade. i know how can you love someone you only dated for one month. it was who Robert became later in life that I adored. Robert ended up dating a girl named Jennifer all though high school and dated a girl Heather after.

Robert and I stayed friends through everything. He was my best friend. He, Richard, and I were always talking, hanging out, it was a good time in my life. One random night, Robert asked if I wanted to come over and watch some movies and hang out. Of course I did. So we rented Boogie Nights and some Al Pacino movie...I don't remember. Anyways, after Boogie Nights I said I had to take off. We big deal, then he leaned in and planted one on me. I was in total shock. Even when driving home, i was asking myself, what the fuck just happened? For several days after I was retarded. I didn't get it. I still don't. Shorty after, Robert and Richard announced that they would be joining the Army. (This, in conjunction with David, is probably why I have an aversion to military men)

Robert and I had been so close for a long time, i had fallen for him hard. He was handsome, creative, talented, and smart. He drew like no one I knew. He was really into comics and could draw sometimes better than the artists in the books. He represented everything I though I wanted in a man. The night before he left, i called and said I could come and say good bye, I couldn't. He hung up on me. My friend Trish drove me to Richards house so I could tell Robert how I felt. We were in the back room of Richards house where I said it. That I loved him and I hated that he was leaving. He looked at me and said that first, he was sorry that he had his head down, something about only pigs put their heads down. He told me that although he did care about me, he didn't feel the same as I did, that he appreciated my feelings and was flattered. I actually felt better about how I felt when I left. He wasn't a jerk about it, he made me feel important.

So Robert was shipped to Germany where I would receive the random letter, the random phone call. Richard had come back for leave and Robert was to come shortly after. Richard asked if I would go with him to pick him up. When we finally found Robert, he was upstairs and I was down, he saw Richard runs down. Richard and Paul (another friend) give him hugs and chat away. He finally realizes that I was standing there and hugged me so hard, then apologized for smelling bad cause the air on the airplane was broken. We took Paul home and I dropped Richard and Robert off at Richard's house.

Robert called a few days later and asked if we could hang out. I don't recall what we did, I just remember him asking if he could stay the night cause Richard was driving him nuts. He slept on the floor and I laid on my bed. He had reached up and grabbed my hand and just held it for awhile. I had my guard up like whoa cause he had said a year earlier that I wasn't the one for him. He kissed my hand and sucked on my fingers...OK I don't know why and I don't remember if anything else happened because of that. i don't recall that we and talked about it, and he went back to Germany.

After Robert got out of the Army, he came back to dear old San Diego. There was a question of him coming over for ice cream and a movie. By this time, I was no longer with Tim. He came over, we had ice cream, talked about his art and video games. We decided that it was too late to take him home so he would stay. So he was laying next to me and asks if he can kiss me. I look at him, part in disbelief and part in um YES! So Robert and I made out. When it came time to do more than that, i chickened out. I was freaking out because emotions were coming up that I wasn't ready to deal with.

When he left the next morning, I was confused as all hell. So I wrote him an email and asked what the hell was going on. Robert said that his time in Germany had isolated him from physical touch for so long and he needed it. He said I was the only one he felt comfortable enough to express that need with. Then asks if he can come over later in the week so we can try again. I said yes right off the bat...I wanted it that was for sure. But after a few days, I was thinking about somethings he had said. In our conversation he stated I don't want a relationship with you, even when we dated I had a hard time because i had to get used to your fat. Now why I didn't hang up on him when he said it is beyond me, let alone agree to fuck him. He just wanted to be with me because I was accessible. I almost feel that he used my feelings for him to his advantage.

I called him the day of and cancelled our "meeting." As my friend Mark said so poetically, "I would have probably given it up to you if you didn't make me feel like a whore first."

These days, I have come to terms with that situation. I still talk to Robert randomly. He is making a living off his artwork and i believe works for a T-shirt design company. Last i talked to him he was living with an art school girl who he adores. He is still handsome, still talented, still Robert.

My first tattoo I got was actually because of Robert. I met in person at a movie theater to see Aladdin. Aladdin to this day is one of my favorite movies. I have the genie tattooed on my right shoulder blade. When I first got it, it was because he was my best friend and I knew he would impact my life forever. Now a days, it still rings true. Because he said he had to get used to me the way I was ie: fat, i won't let anyone get used to me. If they don't like me, then they don't. If they do, great. I am not going to pain myself to have someone get used to how I am. Does this even make sense? It does to me.

So every time I catch a look at my genie in a mirror I think about people in general. I hope I never find myself saying I need or had to get used to you.

Food today was:

chocolate slim fast
spinach and mushroom pannini with a side of cucumbers
I liked lunch so much I had the same thing for dinner
51 oz of water.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

a younger guy

Chapter two of Vanessa's loves...Tim

Tim was 17 and I was 20. Not a horrible difference. Tim and I grew up together. I was friends with April and Tim was friends with her younger brother.

Tim was the first person I had sex with, the first guy i lived with, the first guy I had a bank account with.

Tim and I had date nights where we would go to Family Fun Center and play all those kiddie games for tickets. We were saving the tickets for one of those lame gifts. As lame as it sounds it was honestly very sweet. We would walk amongst the screaming brats er kids hand in hand.

We were together for 2 years....6 months longer than we should have been. i have a soft spot in my heart for him.

We didn't really talk after he moved out. He randomly instant messaged me after he moved to Idaho and said:

McChit3: hey I want to let you know that you are a great person and I still love you

McChit3: i still care bout what happens to you though i might not say it or act like it

McChit3: i just wanted to let you know that I still care bout you

I had saved that convo on a diary I had back them. very sweet. He isn't a bad guy, we were too young for that mature of a relationship.

He still talks to my mom all the time. My mom says he's doing great.

Tonight I went out to dinner with Kevy. We had a good time :) He was flirting with the cashier at Office Depot and had to point out 6 times I was married to her. I had to go outside cause I wanted to laugh really hard. He needs a how to pick up chicks for dummies book

I bought the Labyrinth soundtrack today! I am listening to it right now! i love David Bowie. Love him. Here is David Bowie with one of my new favorite bands Arcade Fire

and then

So damn hot...This man ages so well.

smartstart cereal w/ soy milk
cheese sammie
bruchetta burger from Applebees
2 long island ice teas
51 oz of water
2 diet cokes
one scoop of ice cream

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

First Loves - Chapter 1

and by loves i mean loves, plural. I fall in love hard and often Some harder then others. In my nostalgia, I have decided that i want to write about my loves in this blog.

The first guy I ever felt in my heart I loved was David. I met David when I was 13 and he was 15. He was dating my friend Janessa and somehow I ended up talking to him on the phone. He and our friend Mike used to skateboard to my house all the time. David was 6'5 I think, brown hair, so cute. He and Janessa didn't last of course because what jr.high/high school relationship does. I will always remember him because he was the first guy I felt so strongly about. You never forget your first one do you?

I could write a million things, but David and I were in and out of each other's lives off and on for 12 years... There are a lot hazy memories. He is worth mentioning cause he was the first serious crush. I wonder how he is.

food for today:
cottage cheese and pineapple
vanilla yogurt
cheese sammie
spinach salad
half a swedish meatballs lean cuisine
67 oz of water
1 diet coke

Monday, September 10, 2007

No motivation

I just could not get my ass moving today. I did walk this morning, but work dragged, I came home and didn't do anything but watch TV. I don't normally do that, but today, I did.

My new pal Walt is in Florida right now and I am living vicariously through him. He has taken some neat pictures and is listing his meals in his blog. Although most of it is fish (barf), it's neat to hear about what other people eat when on vacation. Plus he went to fraking Walt Disney World! I'm wierd.

Speaking of what people eat:

The rest of my firtatta
2 vanilla yogurt
half a sammie
tomato and Cheese sammie for dinner
68 oz of water
1 diet coke

Dude my pal Todd at work bought me a Huey Lewis and the News concert video. Its so great! I love it! I love Huey Lewis. Love him. My pal Danny and I said there is no way you can't like this song cause chances are he sings your hometown hahahaha!

ok, I'mn taking my nerd ass to bed.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

just call me chef

As part of my goal to be healthy, I have started to cook a whole lot more and avoid processed food as much as possible. My husband loves it since he will have cheerios if I don't cook and I mean you can only eat so much cheerios. I started with breafast this morning. I actually made it last night. I made a Spinach and mushroom Fritatta. A thin layer of potatoes, mushrooms, lots of garlic and spinach. Pour the eggs over the top and cook for 20 minutes. i didn't put cheese in it caus emicrowaving cheese makes it greesy. This morning, I heated up a slice, put a little cheddar and salsa on top. Yummzies!

Dinner was a spinach salad and white asparagus risotto. The risotto had onions, garlic, mushrooms, spinach, and white asparagus. Only a tiny bit of parmesean cheese to thiken it up. I made two servings and was more like four. I will take the rest and mix it with some chicken tomorrow. I am going to make a spicy chicken soup on Tuesday. i'm excited. I haven't been excited about cooking in a long time.

Derek and I haven't eaten out in 8 days, which is a huge accomplishment for us. Convenience is seriously our down's either convenience or laziness. I also have walked every day for the past 8 days except for 2. I am proud of myself :)


Today I ate:

my fritatta
half a roast beef sammie
spinach salad
w. asparagus risotto
100 calorie hostess cakes
65 oz of water
2 diet cokes

What what?

First, yeasterday i forgot to jot down what I ate. so it was:
Can of Slimfast
herb salad
a few oven baked fries
chicken sammie
two scoops of icecream
1 diet coke
34 oz of water

My days off throw me off. I really need to figure out a better way of eating when i'm not at work. i'll figure it out.

Now, this song is now burned into my brain...So it shall be stuck in yours! I'm with Mr. Bee, what does a burning cross have to do with anal sex?

Friday, September 7, 2007

I had something I wanted to talk about..

But I forgot :/

Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

Today i feasted on:

Mushroom ommlette
banana yogurt
half a roast beef sammie
80 ish OZ of water
Beef and broccoli lean cuisine

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Moody Nessie

I was in a bad super bad mood today. grrrrr! I feel better now though.

This is super quick since it's bed time.

I was not good today

half a diet coke
20 oz of water
a side salad
roast beef sammie
150-calorie cake

not good at all. I will do better tomorrow since i finally went grocery shopping. And it was only like 85 degrees today which made me happy :) We turned off the air conditioning finally!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

So, to continue my Maroon 5 kick and the quest for a new BFF

I think Taylor from Pod is my co-pilot should be my new BFF. I'm just saying...Sheena Easton, oh my fuck yes!

I took the new album to work so I could listen to it a million times in a row. Now something you all may have already noticed or will notice is I get emotional sometimes and then post a cheesey love-type song. This actually makes me happy because these songs make me remeber a lot of good times. So there is a Marron 5 song that had me all sappy and reminisent. *sigh*

Better that we Break

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby

Menu for today:

Smart start cereal w/ soy milk
Banana yogurt
an apple
can of slimfast
a granola bar
100 calorie hotess cakes
Salsbury Steak Lean Cusine
110 OZ of water

I need to go grocery shopping bad!

Hello Adam!

Ok, I think it was Pod is my co-pilot that mentioned Adam Levine from Maroon 5, but while watching the Vh1s I saw their new video. And I have to say Yum-o! Yum-o and how come he's always getting it on in their videos? Not that I mind :P

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I really love their new album. I loved Songs About Jane also.

In other news, I am in a music funk. I need something new to wake up the ears. Everything is starting to sound the same to me. meh! Suggestions?

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Sicky Sickerton and her pal Kevy

I woke up about 10 times last night throwing my guts up. So needless to say, I was a no-show at work. I came downstairs at 5am choked down a slimfast so I would have something in my stomach. I went back to sleep on the couch watching Saturday Night Fever. When I finally got up I read about 1700 vegetable recipies online. Need inspiration for dinners. I love love love cooking, but I like cooking rich, creamy, cheesey, and all in all bad for you dishes. So I need to re-train myself and experiment a bit. Plus, Derek's mom wasn't exactly into vegetables or fruit, so either is Derek. So it's a matter of hiding things from him so he eats them. I'm good at it :)

i feel 100% times better from this morning. I'm so glad, I really hate calling in.

i talked to Kevy last night for three hours. For those of you who don't know who Kevy is, i will give the short version of this story.

Kevin was a co worker of mine like seven years ago. Kevin and I share the same passion for music and hung out quite a bit. I had a huge crush on Kevin...huge, massive, gigantic. There was a time when I had just broken up with nigel and he had broken up with his girl and be were almost like re-bound buddies. Not in the physical sense, but we were there for one another. It came to a point where I thought things were going to progress to the next level. Kevin ended up getting back together with the ex and I was crushed. Shortly after, Derek and I started talking about being together and the rest is history.

Kevin and I have discussed our relationship on a few occassions. He said that he didn't know that I was that into him and he wishes that things could have been different. But that was then and we have both agreed that our friendship is what's important and we are working on that. It's one of those, what might have been moments I guess. Kevin is extremely important to me and always will be.

This is where it gets hard. I had a roommate named Marcia when Derek and I got married. Derek and Marcia had been drinking and Marcia said something to Derek that made him think that Kevin and I were more than friends and physical things happened, but I don't know what was said. Kevin and I never kissed mind you. So Derek hates Kevin and makes it difficult for us to hang out. I would never cheat on Derek nor would I just stay with him if I wanted to be with someone else. I don't think Derek believes me. So to keep the peace in my home, I would often avoid Kevin. I'm tired of doing it.

Kevin was also a friend of Bryce's. So I called Kevin yesterday and we talked about all kind of things. It was nice to have a conversation with someone who gets me. Derek loves me and I love him, but sometimes I think he just says what he thinks I want to hear and we don't have a great deal of things in common.

Kevin (whom i affectionately call Kevy) sent me a text message this morning that said:

"Thx for the talk yesterday, it was cool 2 talk like we did in the past. It's good 2 have u back around & i just wanted u to realize how much I appreciate your friendship."

It made me feel good.

Well I'm off to do dishes since I feel better, then prolly off to bed since I'm tired.

Food for today:
silm fast shake
cheese quesadilla
macaroni and beef lean cuisine
55 oz of water (I'm working on another 40 oz now) hahaha 40 oz

Monday, September 3, 2007

Dear Internets

I don't understand Labor Day. I should do some reaserch and see what it really means. But today it meant working away for the gecko. But he did pay me well. i get paid for the holiday, plus I get time and a half for working it. So it's like double time and a half. Derek and I are going up to Idaho in October, so we can use the extra money to get my mom an ipod. He is also working today and I thin he is getting the "double time and a half" Being union has some advantages, but not a whole lot.

i am watching Rock of Love...It's Brett Michaels looking for love in a group of girls. I don't think you can find love that way. But what do I know, I met my husband on the internets. I have to say that I have been a big believer in the internets for all kinds of things. I made some really good friends, had a great relationship with with a great guy (not the donkey punch guy Walt haha), been entertained, met my husband, found a better job, and made more new friends. It has allowed me to meet people I would have never met otherwise, It has given me an outlet to express myself, and it has connected me with old friends I may have never talked to again otherwise. It's a very groovy thing.

My husband saw Bryce! Bryce is a guy I used to work with like five years ago and became like a little brother to me. He is who made me believe that love exists and is a beautiful gift. i lost touch with him a couple years ago. He told Derek he's doing well, has a pretty girlfriend, has finished college. He's doing well which is all I ever wished for him. That made me happy. I love Bryce. I'm getting teary eyed thinking about him. He is so genuine and creative. I admire a lot of things about him.

Today's menu-

smart start cereal w/ soy milk
container of yogurt
can of slim fast (really helped the chocolate craving)
chicken carbonara lean cuisine
1 scoop of chocolate chip ice cream
120 OZ of water. ( I have peed a million times today)


Man, I have to go to work and Purple Rain is on TV! Blarg I say!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Get in my bellay!

Day 2:

A bowl of Smart Start Cereal with vanilla flavored soy milk
(I don't care for milk much anymore)

container of key lime yogurt
20 oz vitamin water

handfull of cheez-its
1 diet coke

a patty melt from Carl's Jr
34 oz water

handfull of baby carrots

100 calorie pack of hostess cupcakes

Lean Cuisine mushroom spinach pizza
34 oz of water

I did walk for 20 minutes this morning too :)

I will prolly have a snack at 6. I read that if you eat little meals all day long, it helps your body burn it up better. And I can't eat after 7pm because I got to bed at like 9:30 and I don't want it to sit.

I think I did good considering my current day down a million to go!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

(Ir)responsible fattie

For those of you who have known me (in person)for any amount of time knows that I am fat. Not chubby, not big, plain old fat. I was a siz 12 at the age of twelve and the smallest i've been in the last 5 years is a 22. I have lost weight and gained it back more times then I can count.

Instead of doing anything about it, I would get depressed and stuff myself full of junk. Well, I was watching Oprah. She had Dr. Oz on again and this time I paid attention. The majority of my weight is in my belly, which makes the risk of heart attack or disease higher. I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want my kidneys to fail.

In addition to the obvious health issues, I am miserable all the time. I am always tired, always upset. I thought it was just because my work hours changed, and I was getting up earlier. It's been 2 months. I am still always tired. I have for the past two months waking up early and walking for at least 20 minutes, but it isn't everyday and it has gotten to be as little as two times a week.

I had no motivation. I still struggle with it. But Dr. Oz says you just sometimes have to do it before the motivation comes. So I am determined to walk at least four times a week. I have also cut fast food out. Fast food should not be as convenient as it is. I love convenience. But this is when I kinda realized that my life shouldn't be all convenience. I should have to struggle. I have been reading a lot of articles about food and what foods will help me change my habits and lifestyle.

i have to say some of my motivation to change came from my new pal Walt. He has been brave in sharing his weight and achievements. He posted a before and after picture awhile ago and he looks amazing. I am so glad we met through QCast. I know that it can be done, I just need to work for it.

Another thing that kinda jilted my naive self was a post Rob made on the Daily Purge blog. I know Rob wasn't out to hurt anyones' feelings. He just kinda proved to me that being fat is not only unhealthy, but is humiliating. This picture is "funny" because its a question about diets and the "fat" girl couldn't answer it.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

This girl looks so much like me, only alittle younger. This image is burned in my brain. I almost feel like printing it out and hanging it on my fridge.

So what I need to do is be responsible for myself. I have decided that this here blog will be my go to when I need to vent the frustrations, when I do something well. And the part I dread...the food diary. I have read a few places that you are less likely to eat crap when you have to write it down. So my darling readers will have the joy of knowing everything I eat. Just a warning, I am a creature of habit so I will have probably the same thing for days in a row. i also promise that I will not lie. No point too. starts today! September 1, 2007!

I ate:

Cottage cheese and pineapple
Veggie stir-fry with rice
a 100 calorie bag of grasshopper cookies
half a can of Monster coffee drink
34 oz of water
6" veggie sub from Submarina

Friday, August 31, 2007

Another I don't know why.

Another wonderful story from my youth...

I know it sounds like poor me in all these entries, but you know, its my blog-therapy.

In the 10th grade I met who I thought I met who would be my best friend forever. Miss Gina. Thinking about it now, I'm not sure how we were so close. We really didn't have too much in common. We liked different music, different types of guys, maybe it was our humor. Her and I just kinda clicked. We never had a problem until a mutual friend told me that Miss Gina had sex with our boss (married with 2 kids boss) I couldn't believe that 1) She would do it and 2)She didn't tell me. I confronted her and she denied it, that our friend was just being mean and she had lied to our friend to see if she would tell me. Me, being naive, believed her. I even went so far to confront our friend and threaten to beat her ass for saying such horrible things. So our mutual friend was no longer our friend.

After we graduated, Gina and I moved into our own place. It was great. Loved the freedom, having parties, all those things you do at 18/19 years old. Gina began to have health problems so we moved back home. After that we didn't hang out as much but we still hung out. At one point in my 20's a boyfriend and I lived with her for a few months. I never questioned anything she told me. She was my best friend. After Tim (the boyfriend) and I broke up Gina and I moved in together again. We lived together for two more years. During year two, Gina turned into god knows what.

She met what I can only call the most stereo-typical black man I have ever met. He had 3 (?) children by other women, he did and sold drugs, he lived with another woman. Now this is not the social circle Gina and I frequented. Gina didn't do drugs, she barely drank, no kids, she had her shit pretty much together. Well at least I thought she did. Ok so this dude ends up moving in (without asking me), he had no job, did nothing to contribute to the house, was pretty much an ass. He was also the father of Gina's first son. I honestly don't know what her son's name was because she told me one thing and baby's daddy told me another. I believe it was Brandon. I would come home from work and he would leave the baby there. Didn't ask me to watch Brandon. He would just leave. Gina would come home and not say thank you for watching her son, she would just complain how broke they were.

About one month later, I came home to find someone else living in our place. He was living in the living room and was also pretty stereo typical. I was so glad when our lease was up. I moved out and didn't plan on talking to them again. Gina had turned into someone totally unrecognizable. It makes me sad.

Well about six months later, I get a bill for the last months rent. I call gina at work and she said, no no no, she would take care of it. So I called the management company and they agreed Gina should pay it. A year later, I get a letter from a creditor. They couldn't find Gina and because my name was on the lease I was responsible. Gina had taken my rent money and used it as a deposit for her new place. Gina has had a second child, Jeremiah. From what I understand from a friend of mine, she won't be winning any mother of the year awards.

I also found out from my friend that Gina did sleep with our boss way back when. So she wasn't who I thought she was. Our friendship was based on a whole lot of lies. I am beginning to wonder what it is about me, that makes me so naive. It hurts because I really thought that her and I would be BFFs. But in the long run, I am pretty sure that I am better off.