Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Song of the Day, Kinda

I heard this song on the radio the other day, and for reals, it has been stuck in my head ever since.

Oh yea, Happy New Year.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Vanna-Banana Big Butt

My mother always wanted a dog. Growing up, all she would talk about was when she got her own house, she would get her yard and her dog. When my mom moved to Idaho, she put herself on a breeder's list so she could purchase a Bernese mountain dog puppy. A time later, she came home with Fiona. My mom would call and say to the dog, "say hi to your sister Nessa!" Annoying as hell, but my mom finally had her dog.

Then she decided that she wanted a second Bernese mountain dog and put her name on another list. The "bitch" didn't have enough puppies, so my mom said she would wait until next season. The breeder who sold Fiona to my mom asked if she would consider taking in Vanna, Fiona's mom. From what I understand Vanna was a show dog and did very well in her day, but she was five and they couldn't use her to show or breed anymore. So my mom, not wanting to wait for another puppy, agreed.

Side note - About a year later, my mom purchased Brady, another Bernese mountain dog. My mom didn't train him well and he's pretty obnoxious. A sweetheart though.

That is Fiona on the left, Brady in the middle, and Vanna on the right (and my mom) in her backyard last winter.

Anyway, my mom called to tell me that she had to put Vanna down on Christmas. She had some sort of bone thing that could possibly be fixed, but if successful, she would still have to spend the rest of her life on heavy pain meds and in a kennel. She would be able to run or even really walk much. So my mom decided to let her go instead of having her live out the rest of her life like that. My mom is still heart broken after having to put Scooter down not too long ago. It was extremely hard to listen to my mom sob on the phone. Her way of mourning is to explain every detail that Vanna had gone through, almost like she has to tell herself it was the right thing to do. It really was, but it doesn't make the pain any less.

Vanna was a very sweet-natured girl and I will certainly miss her. She was my cuddle dog when I would go visit and sit her huge ass on me so I could hug on her.

You know, I know the ultimate heart-ache I will have to endure when I loose Sabrina, Jazzmine, and Maggie. I hate to even think it. But the love these babies show me is so worth it.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Top 25 Hits of 2008

According to Billboard...

I thought this vidjo was pretty cool! It's a mash up of all 25 songs and if it were a song separately, I would probably like it.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmastime is Done

So every year for the last five, Derek and I have had a Christmas dinner for my sister, her roommate, and my best pal April. There has been some inclusions and exclusions over the years, but it is something I always look forward to.

This year was no exception, We planned a vegetarian feast for Christmas eve for Derek and I, April and her boyfriend Doug, and April's dad.

So April and I divided up the dishes and can I tell you...I will be catering next year hahahaha! It wasn't that the food was bad, it was fabulous. It was the amount of slicing and dicing we did and having my stove die half way through. haha! So I do not have a stove and we had to finish what we could on the foreman grill and microwave. Last night I was cooking some potato and soy chorizo burritos for dinner last night. I am trying to figure out how I can cook up some past to use up the last of my ricotta cheese and the Italian style "sausage" I have in the fridge. I feel horrible since our landlord just replaced the air conditioner and the garbage disposal. With the economy as shitty as it is, I almost don't want to tell him and cook on the foreman for a month. I know this isn't realistic, but still. But the food that made it through was fabulous and I will probably make the dishes again separately.

So after the company hoisted it out of here, Derek and I went to bed and I passed out. Derek (who needs the 8 hours sleep) woke me up because Santa had come (honk) and he wanted to open the pressies. Derek and his nerdy self haha he got a Mario T-shirt, a Bullet Bill wallet, a few books, some wii points, and the Dark Knight on DVD. He also got some money to be put toward the purchase of his Playstation 3. I got a GPS unit because Nessa does get lost, the third instalment of the Wicked series, all 8 seasons of the Cosby Show on dvd, some vegetarian cookbooks. Derek's parents sent us yummy Cadbury candy and my mom sent some odds and ends. A good time was had by us.

We then had some Carl's Jr for lunch and watched a Christmas Story where I tried to nap. Derek hates when I sleep in the living room so he kept waking me up. We were waiting for Derek's parents to call from the Scotland. Which they did at midnight their time and we chitta chatted about our days and found out my sister in law, Jen, is 3 months pregnant! I am so excited for them! So hurrah!

Today my stupid ass neighbors decided that 8 am was a good time to nail things into the wall. So I got up and curled up on the couch with the cat, drank some coffee, and started catching up on podcasts so I don't have 75 to listen to when I get back to work. I am so excited that the LFC is coming back and I have really enjoyed the shows Big Fatty has done with him. His snowflake skit was hilarious. I loved at the end when Holly said it's always too loud. good stuff!

So I have a favor to ask of you. Between a few people I have $50 in iTunes and of course I have no idea what to purchase. I always have a list in my head, but then I forget what I want. So what's your favorite song or songs. I do need to download some Abba because I have this karaoke game for playstation 2 I am addicted too has a game with just Abba songs. I know maybe 2 Abba songs. Dancing Queen and Take a Chance on me. Derek says that in the UK everyone loves the Abba and he knew more than I did. So I will need to get me some Abba so I can keep up.

So I think I have certainly babbled on long enough! I hope you all had a good holiday and junk and stuff.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Song of the Day 12/25/08

White Christmas, by Bing Crosby

Love to all my friends, new and old. Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Song of the Day 12/24/08

The First Noel, by Elvis Presley

To everyone I had the pleasure of meeting and interacting with this year, I hope that you and yours have a wonderful Christmas! Eat, DRINK, and be Merry! XO

Monday, December 22, 2008

Song of the Day 12/22/08

Little Drummer Boy, by Tori Amos

I love me some Tori Amos.

My sentiments exactly

Thanks Drum!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Song of the Day 12/21/08

O Holy Night, by Bing Crosby

Say what you will about Bing Crosby, this song is beautiful and seriously makes me tear up.

I have met some outstanding people this year and am so happy to call them my friends, and in some cases, family and I hope to add to the list in 2009. Who knew you could have so many dads?

Without getting too long winded and sappy, I would just like to say that for those of you who read my blog, listen to the podcasts I was or am involved with, who take the time to write me, send cards, and make the most wonderful Christmas decor for me, thank you.

I say Christmas is what you make it and hope that, regardless of what you celebrate or believe, you make it special and do what makes you happy.


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Song of the Day 12/20/08

Mele Kalikimaka, by Bing Crosby and The Andrew Sisters

I had a great day today. Last night Christian came down and we had some drinks, some laughs, and a lot of PNS talk. Then today, Miss Wes came and we baked cookies, chatted a bit, and laughed a ton! I am so thankful that Ricky introduced us because Christian is awesome and I can't say enough good things about Miss Wes. Thanks boys for a fun day!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Song of the Day 12/18/08

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, by Andy Williams

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My Heart

My darling Maggie May wearing her Christmas Jacket...

long enough for the picture to be taken and then she shook it off hahaha! I love her!

Song of the Day 12/17/08

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Song of the Day 12/16/08

It Doesn't Have To Be That Way, by Jim Croce

And the windy winter avenues
Just don't seem the same,
And the Christmas carols sound like blues,
But the choir is not to blame.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Sunday, December 14, 2008

So Much For Doing it Everyday

I forgot to post a Xmas video yesterday, oops! So today, I have We're a Couple of Misfits from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. And you know...I relate haha!

Friday, December 12, 2008


I'm not sure how long ago it was, a few days, but Walt did 50 random thoughts. While I was laying in bed watching Sister Act 2 (shut up) I thought I should try and see if I could think up 50 things. So here we go.

1) I have heartburn like whoa right now
2) Whoopie Goldberg's smile makes me smile
3) There are people I wish i were closer to
4) The first thing I said after I got married was "I's married now, I's married now!" a la Oprah from the Color Purple.
5) Derek and I have the same size feet.
6) I hate grocery shopping alone, I am always afraid people will judge me based on what is in my cart.
7) I love karaoke because it allows me to sing for an audience and it's ok that I am horrible, because there is always someone worse.
8) I am an emotional eater
9) My mom thinks I need therapy and I am beginning to believe her
10) My sister and I used to tell people that Jennifer Love from Kids Incorporated was our cousin, who knew she would turn out to be Jennifer Love Hewitt.
11) I am jealous of how my sister always fucks up, but always seems to come out on top.
12) I have never had a brand new car
13) My favorite color is red
14) Derek walks around with his zipper down all the time
15) Derek also spills everything he drinks at least once, my poor carpet
16) I have never developed or kept relationships with girls, I think the majority of us are petty and two-faced.
17) I love cooking for other people
18) When ever I am able to purchase a home, the kitchen will be the deciding factor.
19) I dropped out of college because I was afraid of failing.
20) I am intrigued by live web cams of city blocks, I would rather watch people live then leave my house
21) I sometimes think that Derek resents me because I am so afraid to leave the house.
22) Anytime I start to feel better about myself, I sabotage it
23) Did I mention I think therapy is looking like a good solution
24) Every man I have been in a relationship with has been into video games
25) One of my ex-boyfriends wants to draw comic books
26) Sometimes, I don't want to move to Idaho
27) Tori Amos, Kurt Cobain, and Elliott Smith are the most talented people in my eyes.
28) In high school, I checked out books on suicide from the library to get my mom's attention. It didn't work.
29) I would never commit suicide.
30) When asked if I would harm anyone without anyone ever knowing, I don't say no to look like a good person, I say no because I don't like feeling guilty.
31) I hate scary movies
32) the end of the Sixth Sense made me cry
33) My mother is friends with one of my ex-boyfriends and I hate it, even though he's a good guy.
34) I will watch the Cosby Show, Extreme Home Makeover, or Jackass no matter how many times I have seen the episodes.
35) I always think, "gee, I should get my nails done." But never do.
36) I used to think my middle name was Wyoming.
37) I remember the exact location of where I was when I learned what "fliping off" someone meant. It was in front of the mailboxes at the townhouses I lived in when I was ages four through six.
38) I remember my first phone number.
39) Every year, around my father's birthday, I try to find him.
40) I found out my grandmother died while looking for him two years ago. She never knew that my father and I never spoke, she thought my mother kept us from her. My father thanked me for not telling her the truth.
41) I miss playing Atari 2600
42) Sometimes, a friend's text messages save me from a bad day.
43) I love how when I listen to TWSS and they say "whut?" I say "whut" at the same time.
44) My next tatoo will be the phrase "Butterflies don't belong in nets." Bonus points if you know the song and artist.
45) I love glitter (Not the movie, sorry Ricky!)
46) Ricolla!
47) I love watching Cops
48) I miss my friend Kevin more than he will ever know
49) There was a kid I worked with when I was 18 who ripped his pants at work and couldn't afford to buy new pants, and they wouldn't let him work until he got new pants. I bought him pants. I don't know where that thought came from. I wonder what happened to that kid.
50) I love when Maggie yawns in my face.

It's the Holiday Season!


I have never been so not excited about Christmas ever. I don't know what my deal is, I am trying everything from watching White Christmas twice in one day (once with Rosemary Clooney's commentary...That lady is nuts) to singing obnoxiously loud in the car Andy Williams and Johnny Mathis. I just can't shake this bah humbug feeling. I really hope it passes. Here's hoping!

I would like to thank everyone who left comments or sent me emails regarding Scooter and her passing. I think it has been easier for me since I am not there. I was really more relieved than sad. She was so old and was sick. It was for the best and I know it.

So I was watching ABC Family last night, I guess they are doing 25 days of Christmas. Last night was Rudolph save the New Year and A Year Without Santa. I had never heard of Rudolph and the New Year. It was bizarre. I find a lot of those claymation cartoons a little odd, but strangely comforting. You know what else I find comforting is It's Christmas Charlie Brown. I was watching it the other night and got teary eyed. I really have no clue as to why. I wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed, I just got a little nostalgic I guess.

I haven't done a song of the day in awhile. So I think I will try and do one everyday until Christmas. Since I just say A Year Without Santa last night, how about Snow Miser and Heat Miser.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

No title

A couple things have me down this week.

Found out someone is writing emails and signing my name to them and not being very nice in the messages. I don't know who it is or why they are doing it, well they are doing it to be hateful and cause drama. Well mr. or ms. email writer, Karma will come to you. I do ask that if anyone does get an email and youre not sure it's from me or not, check the IP address (It should tell you where the emails are coming from.)or contact me through twitter or facebook, I will be happy to confirm my email address with you.

The biggest thing that has me down is my mother had to put Scooter down today. We got scooter when I was 12 or 13. (I'm 30 now). She was having health problems and we all knew it was coming. Last week I told my mom she should probably take Scooter in for another check up to make sure she isn't in any pain or suffering. I am guessing the vet didn't give my mom good news. I would normally be crying like a baby right now, but instead, I feel relieved. I knew it was time. When I was up there in October, I knew that Scooter was ready to go. I don't know how I knew, I just got that feeling. So I am very sad, but relieved she won't be in pain anymore.

I know next week will be better, just a little sad that people are dicks and very sad about my Scooter Pie.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Prop 8...The Musical

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Monday, December 1, 2008

World Aids Day 2008

The 1st of December, World AIDS Day, is the day when individuals and organizations from around the world come together to bring attention to the global AIDS epidemic. 2008 marks the 20th anniversary of World AIDS Day. Whilst we have come a long ways since 1988, there is still much more to be done.

For more information on how you can get involved, click here or use your favorite internet search engine.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

I have been thinking all week, what did I want to write here about Thanksgiving. I know that this is the day we express our thanks for things that are good in our lives. I, like so many others, have a a lot to be grateful for. However, I do want to use this moment for two things, one kind of serious, then one silly.

With so many wrong doings in the world, we should work as hard as we can to be kind to one another. There may be people you don't agree with on a number of topics like religion, politics, personal decisions, ect. All any of us want in this life is to find some hapiness and do things that we enjoy. We can spend time being angry and bitter, but that only wastes time. With so many changes on the horizon, and many more we will need to fight for, lets not waste time fighting each other and be kind to each other. Be kind to people you don't know as those people may be helping you later down the line. For those people who can truely live this way, I am thankful.

I wish EVERYONE the best and hope that you have things you are thankful for and that you experience kindness from others and you are able to show it in return.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Thanksgiving countdown

I am watching a Thanksgiving special on the food network. I always thought you should toast the bread you use, huh. Tyler Florence didn't toast the sourdough cubes. Sorry, that's a little random.

So this will be my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. I will admit that a part of me is a little sad because I always associated Thanksgiving with the meal. So this will be a challenge. I am making Derek a turkey breast, but everything else will be vegetarian. Sage and mushroom stuffing, Green beans, potato au gratin, and i have "chicken" breasts that I really like that I am pretty confident they will be very tast smothered in gravy. Plus the ceremonial pickles and olives. My mom would always put out the bread and butter pickles and black olives while she cooked to keep the kids busy. So I continue it because, well because I am :)

What dishes do you all have?

So I am working on getting over a cold or the flu. I had planned on Christmas shopping last week, but I was in a NyQuil coma for the most part. So I am starting now. I am also starting on my Christmas cards. I love sending Christmas cards. So if you are a regular reader of my blog and I don't have your address, email me at

So Derek and I are two weeks into the podcast and it is going pretty well. Derek is pretty excited about how many comments we've gotten on the blog and how many followers. It has been a lot of fun to brain storm with him. I don't say it enough because I try not to be overly mushy, but he really is a good guy. So enough of that hehe!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Friday, November 14, 2008

Here we go...

Stars and Tartan are offical...

Episode one is available on iTunes. The links and stuff are all available at!

A big thanks goes out to my friends who encouraged me to do this, you know who you are :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Johnstons Make a Podcast

After a lot of consideration and thought (and a ton of encouragement from friends), Derek and I have decided to start our own podcast. We will be doing a personal journal style podcast about what we have going on in our lives and what we're interested in. We are both very excited about it and hope to have the ball rolling in the next week or so.

I think this will be a good opportunity for my pals out there in podcast land to get to know Derek and Derek to mingle with the lot of you.

In the mean time, we have a website up, that's kind of bare right now, but we'll be working on it. It is located here

Here's to new starts and junk and stuff.

Boo to the Haters and Song of the Day 11/13/08

A pal of mine shared this web site with a bunch of us on the Twitters. So I am using my blog to share it with the bunch of you.

It's a list of some of the contributors to the Yes on 8 campaign, where they work, and the area they live in. I found it appalling and interesting.

and the song for the day...

All You Need is Love, by the Beatles

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

One of the reasons I love him

borrowed from Qcast and Walt, thanks for posting guys :)

Song of the Day 11/11/08

I borrowed this from the Daily Purge's blog.

It's a New Day, by Will.I.Am

Monday, November 10, 2008

No title because I am not so creative today

this last week has been emotional for me. And when I am overly emotional or stressed, I get to experience the wonderfulness of a migraine. hurrah! So I called in sick and downed some drugs and slept until almost 3 this afternoon. I am now catching up on Chef Jeff Program and CSI Las Vegas.

When I thought about writing more about how I was feeling about what has been going on with the election and everything else, but I strangely feel relieved. Not about the election so much, but my feelings with Robbie, my mother's health, and my parents' job status. I realized that there are things I can't control and things I can. There are things I can fight for and things I can't. Why should I dwell on these feelings, I need to move forward and do what I can to make things better.

Moving on.

Saturday, Derek and I went to see Zac and Miri Make a Porno. Funniest movie I have seen in a long time. I am a huge fan of Kevin Smith and I certainly not disappointed. Plus you see Jay's junk! We then went to the Targets and started purchasing things for Christmas. We went to Souplantation for lunch. Souplantation is a salad, soup, and pasta bar. What I like is they indicate on their labels what is vegetarian friendly. Plus they have a frozen yogurt bar. Fat free dark chocolate yogurt is so good!

I am so very happy that autumn has shown itself finally. Yesterday was raining and dark and today has also been chilly. I know this sounds like crap for those of you in the northwest and the east coast, but really, when you spend May through October in temperatures in excess of 90, 60 feels damn good. And that means soup! I made a yummy corn chowder last week and I have the makings for a mushroom soup. I had planned to make it today, but I still am kind of wobbly so Derek picked me up some La Salsa. The owner knows I am vegetarian and takes care in making my food. I like the taco salad, black beans, rice, a ton of romaine lettuce, avocado, sour cream, salsa, and I drizzle of their avocado hot sauce. So good!

Ok, I am going to finish watching CSI. Yummy Grissom! lol!

Thanks everyone for your emails and comments regarding my last post. It meant a lot.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I Would Have Married Him

I preface this post by saying some of the details of what ocurred in my life during this time are hard to remember, some of them may not be exact, but are close enough for the sake of my entry.

This will be a hard post to write. I don't think I will ever let this go because it is a very big piece of me and I haven't told anyone some of these feelings. This will be my post devoted to Robbie.

When my mother was first divorced she worked at a fabric store called Value Land. My mom can sew the shit out of some clothes. But anyway, she met Sandra. Sandra is about the same age as my mom, married, had three children. For those of you who read often may recall me mentioning my best pal April. Sandra is her mom. She also has two brothers, Timmy and Robbie. April is my age, Robbie was a year younger, and Timmy is my sister's age.

I think I was six when my mom and Sandra started hanging out. Thus started my 20 plus year friendship with their family. We would do beach trips, slumber parties, I spent a lot of time with April, Robbie, and Timmy. A large part of my life was spent on Chambers street.

One of my favorite memories of my time at the Chambers St. home was when April and I were 9 maybe 10, we decided we were going to run away. We were not unhappy kids, we just wanted to live in the clover patch. The clover patch was a small green area about two blocks away from Chambers St. and we would take the dogs there all the time. So we packed up our clothes and some oyster crackers and went outside to get on the bikes and go. We had left a note on April's door letting everyone know we were running away, but we would be back. April's dad came home from work and told us we forgot to say goodbye to everyone. April's mom flipped! She told us to sit on the couch and watch the Mickey Mouse club and "enough of this running away shit!" We fell asleep on the couch bed and never did make it to the clover patch. There is an Albertson's Grocery there now.

So April went to college up north. Although we are about the same age, she was a grade ahead of me. So, I would still go over to Chamber's street and spend time with Robbie. When I would get bored I would call Robbie and we would talk about random junk. I think I talked to Robbie more than I talked to April those two years she was away at school. Then it happened. I started to go you know, I really really dig Robbie. I didn't dream of ever saying anything to him or anyone about it because I was a shy little flower then. So I kept those feelings to myself.

On Robbie's 17th birthday, He and his dad came into the burger king I worked at. He said today's my birthday and I said awesome and told him I would hook him up. I made him a double bacon cheeseburger with a heart attack amount of bacon. He told me that April had sent me something and it was at the house. I went by after work to pick it up and spent a little time talking to Robbie about Halloween that had just passed. He asked if I had a picture of him and I said no I didn't. He said don't move and went into his room and gave me a picture of him dressed like a cap on Halloween. Robbie even drove an old old cop car. He was weird hahah! I took the picture and the stuff from April and went home. This was the last time I saw Robbie alive. Even now, it breaks my heart to say that.

In January, April was down from school and came into the burger kings and said she was picking up some food for Robbie. She said he had some weird cough and couldn't shake it so she wanted to cheer him up. I told her to tell him I said hey and I hooked him up with the bacon. Didn't think anything of it.

The rest of January is a blur to me. When Robbie didn't get better, his dad took him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with leukemia/lymphoma. And it had spread through his body so fast that they could have come in a week earlier, they wouldn't have caught it. I am not sure of the details because I didn't and don't want to know. What is in my head is they placed him in a drug induced coma to put him through crazy chemotherapy. When it was time for Robbie to come out of the coma, he didn't. He was being kept alive by the machines. I had gone in on January 31st and said hello to everyone. I couldn't go in and see Robbie because they were changing tubes or something. I became so uncomfortable, I left and said I would come back tomorrow and see him. Shorty after midnight, His parents has decided that it was time and let him go. My mom had let me sleep because I had to be at work at 4am.

That night I had a dream that Robbie and I had got married and he was happy and healthy and when I woke up on February 1st, I felt in my heart that I needed to tell him how much I really cared for him. I went to work and called home at about 8am and asked how Robbie was doing. My mom said after midnight Vanessa, they let him go. I hung up, walked into the storage room and fell to the ground. I couldn't cry. I was just numb and couldn't get my brain straight. I needed to go home and of course everyone called in sick and I ended up being at work for almost 15 hours. i still don't know how I functioned and kept the store running.

I was a rotten friend to April during this time. The way I grieve, I become very introverted. I need a lot of alone time. I couldn't be a shoulder for her and I have expressed to her that I can never forgive myself for failing her as a friend. Shortly after her and I had that talk and a good cry, my mom took our picture and this puffy eyed, red faced picture is the favorite of us. this may sound weird, but I felt that it was one moment that April and I came back together and we're real friends.

Robbie's school was kind enough to award his diploma and his aunt accepted it on his behalf. His school also held his memorial service in the theater. My mom says it was so amazing that so many people came together for him because he was a tough kid.

So today would have been Robbie's 29th birthday. And usually, I have a little cry and remember him and I waltzing at Nights at Vienna (a Costume Ball), Going to his first violin recital when we were 12 and 13. Going to his first play when we were in high school and him coming to mine. Him telling me what a douche my boyfriend was and how much better I could do and deserved. Sitting in the tool shed and watching McGyver on a portable TV since his mom wouldn't let him watch it in the house. His laugh. I miss his laugh and I hear it when Timmy laughs.

This year was a little harder. When I was in Idaho, Robbie's mom asked me if I had anything of Robbie's. I couldn't participate in the ransacking of his stuff, I knew he would hate that people were going through his things. I told her no and she said she had found something that she felt was appropriate. It was the name tag from his job. A job I had encouraged him to get. I have been thinking a lot about what kind of man would he have been. What would he have done if he had more time. A piece of my heart will always belong to Robbie and I miss him terribly.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I am elated That Obama will be our president! I am so thankful that Americans came together and said yes to change! I am so hopeful and optimistic of our future.

At the same time, my heart is broken. Proposition 8 was passed 52% to 48%. I have been in tears all day long. I honestly believed that I lived in a progressive state that was above this bigoted shit. From what I understand there are already lawsuits in place that they predict will ultimately go to the California Supreme Court and the amendment will be overturned. Why is this even up for vote?! I don't get it, I just don't!

I don't understand why people are afraid of equality.

I am in a loss for words.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Finally, Fall Makes an Apperence and Song of the Day, 11/02/08

So after a month of 98-101 degree weather, today we have dark clouds and a high of 66! Hurrah! I love fall and winter so much. So to celebrate I made a tummy corn-potato chowder. Not entirely from scratch, I used a V8 southwestern corn soup as a base. Added onions, garlic, white wine, more corn, potatoes, and a spoon full of sour cream. It was so good. I have a broccoli soup from V8 I want to use, but am having a tough time thinking what I can put into it to make it my own. Derek doesn't like broccoli so I really have to jazz it up so he doesn't think that's all it is. And Derek reads this so hiii!

Work was pretty busy so the time went by pretty fast. I love when we change the clock back, yay for an hour of sleep! I stayed up watching this show about past presidents. It was actually quite interesting. I love history junk though. I fell asleep about midnight and Derek wakes me up at like 2am and tells me I need to change my clock! Normally I would have been annoyed that he woke me up, but an hour of sleep I didn't think I was going to get made me happy.

Um, I think that's it...Oh Yea, song of the day. No special lyrics, just reminds me of my best pal April. Poison Arrow, by ABC

Saturday, November 1, 2008

yaaaaay lay-offs

On Monday, I was sitting down for the night and my phone rings. It's my mom. The first thing I think is oh no, scooter died. (Scooter is her 15 year old cat who isn't doing so great). She said I just need to talk to someone on my drive home.

As of January 15, my mom will be laid off from her job. Her whole department will be laid off. My stepdad, who works for the same company, has been put on warning that his department could be next unless they show cause to keep them. So both my parents may be unemployed. It stresses me out a bit. I know they will be ok, I have to believe they will.

In other news...

Our air conditioner broke. This might not seem like a big deal to most of you because youre expecting snow, or it's been cooler than normal. All last week...the highs here in the east county was 98 degrees. Today doesn't seem so bad, but it really doesn't get warmer until later in the day. Our air conditioner will be fixed on Thursday. So I am hoping it continues to cool down and we won't need it, but it will be ready for next year.

Now that Halloween is over, I can start concentrating on The big holidays in my house. Well, Christmas. I start shopping now. Because money is so tight, I need to start now so I can cover all my bases. Thanksgiving will be easy since Derek and I both work and I am throwing together a vegetarian Shepard's pie for dinner. I actually learned a recipe for Shepard's pie from Paula Dean, I will need to adjust it to make it vegetarian.

This lady on TV is making peanut butter pancakes. That sounds really good!

That's it for now, other than election day on Tuesday! I know there is a lot of disagreement on the two candidates. I support Obama because he focuses on the things important to me. I am by no means going to preach to you all, but I do ask that you look at what is important in your life and vote for who you think will make our standard of living better. I believe Obama/Biden will do this for us.

Those of you in California. We need to vote NO on Prop 8! Regardless of what you think marriage should be, it discriminatory to not allow all tax-paying Americans to have the same rights. This, to me, is like saying a white man cannot marry a black women. i mean how ridiculous does that sound. You love who you love and everyone should have the same right to marry and live the life most of us strive for.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Song of the Day 10/29/2008

Chasing Pavements, by Adele

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Song of the Day 10/26/08

Dashboard, by Modest Mouse

Well we scheme and we scheme but we always blow it
We've yet to crash, but we still might as well tow it
Standing at a light switch to each east and west horizon,
Every dawn you're surprising,
and in the evening one's consoling
Saying "See it wasn't quite as bad as"
Well, it would've been, could've been worse than you would ever know.

I was patiently erasing and recording the wrong episodes
After you had proved my point wrong,
It wasn't like I'd let it go, oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh.
I just wanted to catch the last laugh of this show.

Yeah, it would've been, could've been worse than you would ever know.
Oh, the dashboard melted, but we still have the radio.
(The dashboard melted, but we ran it good, we ran it good)

Hard-wired to conceive, so much we'd have to stow it
Even needs have needs, tiny giants made of tinier giants.
Don't wear eyelids so I don't miss the last laugh of this show.
(The dashboard melted but we still have the radio)

Friday, October 24, 2008

Catch up and Song of the Day 10/24/08

So I am finally getting back into the swing of things after vacation. i need another vacation for reals.

So, I don't think I ever talked about my pal Erin on here. Erin is a lady I work with who up until the 14th of this month was technically a man. So she is now officially a lady and is so happy. She came into work to pick up her check and she looks amazing. Everytime I would see her before, she always looked beat down and tired. This Erin was so bright eyed and excited, I am so happy for her and I wish her the very best. And she has agreed to indulge me in my curiousity and said I could ask her anything I wanted. Now I can't think of anything to ask because, well, I guess it doesn't matter. She is who she is and I'm glad she's my friend because she is amazingly sweet. We all need good people in our lives and I hope Erin is apart of it for a long time.

I am very excited for New Years to roll around because Ricky is going to be in the Californias and I will get to see him and Christian again! Hurrah! So I have no idea what were going to do, but they will be ringing in 2009 with me! Thats right bitches, be jealous! hehehe! Ohh! Christian maybe we can make that video *wink*

And thanks to PNS Explosion, Ricky, and Taylor I can't stop thinking about this song! So consider this your song of the day!

Single Ladies, By Beyonce

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Song of the Day 10/22/08

Don't Tell Me, by Madonna

Don't tell me to stop
Tell the rain not to drop
Tell the wind not to blow
'Cause you said so, mmm

Tell the sun not to shine
Not to get up this time, no, no
Let it fall by the way
But don't leave me where I lay down

Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not
But don't ever tell me to stop

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Song of the Day 10/21/08

Instant Karma, by John Lennon

Instant Karma's gonna get you,
Gonna look you right in the face,
Better get yourself together darlin',
Join the human race,
How in the world you gonna see,
Laughin' at fools like me,
Who on earth d'you think you are,
A super star,
Well, right you are.

Well we all shine on,
Like the moon and the stars and the sun,
Well we all shine on,
Ev'ryone come on.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Saturday, October 18, 2008

"Vacation" roundup

I am home from the Idahos finally! Normally I really enjoy being with my mom, but this trip was very stressful.

My mom has some cough that she hasn't been able to shake. He doctors think it might be an acid reflux thing, but after six months, don't know why. So the whole trip was spent with a less than stellar attitude, doctor appointments, and sleeping. The person we spent time with wasn't my mom, it was a miserable old lady and it made me super sad. I know once she gets the cough taken care of, she'll be her old self, it is just sad to see her not well.

I was successful in not eating meat or drinking soda in the Idahos, was easier than I expected. They have this cool place called the Pita Pit and they had a pita that was all vegetables and was so good. I cooked a lot. And can I say mincing almost two pounds of mushrooms sucks when you don't have a food processer! But all the meals went over great with the family. My stepdad loved everything I made and said he was actually feeling pretty good. They did have a steak BBQ day, but I just had a burger made from portabello mushrooms, soooo good.

Have you ever noticed how well you sleep when you in your own bed when you come home from vacation. I love my bed. I love my sheets. Today Derek and I will be recouperating from the horrible flight home. You know in the movies when people yell is there a doctor on the plane? It happened to us last night. The airvents were not working very well and it was a tad warm. A poor old man started to overheat and had a siezure. We had a nurse on board that got him to calm down and cool down. When we landed an ambulance was racing down the runway. It was so weird.

The best thing I saw was an asian guy in a bright purple "leather" jacket. I tried to take a picture with my phone, but it didn't turn out, but the following picture is pretty much the same, except bright purple!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Small Town Idaho

So I am here in the IDs and it is a wonderful 60 degrees! Heaven! Considering it was 102 degrees at my house, I am certainly in heaven. The flight was ok, nothing great.

My mom let me drive her new car to go get vegetarian-friendly food and I got lost...With a GPS...and the place is seriously a mile away. I have no sense of direction at all. So I am gonna make my stepdad take Derek to Sonics and to the Super one to pick up the items I couldn't find at the Walmarts.

Ok, I think I am going to take a nap. Yay vacation!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Song of the Day 10/08/08 and Vacation Has Started

Well, kinda...

Derek and I are heading up to the ID for about a week to see my mom and pops. And that means lots of grilled cheese sandwiches! hurrah! Something about the way my mom makes them is better than anyone else's. I am a firm believer that a sandwich made by someone else is always better.

Visiting my mom will also mean I will be lectured on my health and in turn will lecture my mom on voting and nagging my stepdad. You gotta love your family right?

In all seriousness, I do love my family, even if we are all a bunch of misfits.

Today was the last day I had with my supervisor Fred. He is honestly the best boss I have ever had and I had to bolt out of the building so I didn't cry. I wish him all the best in his new position!

Shout out to my lil' bro Adrian for getting 10 stars at school and ice cream for dinner rules!

Here is a song of the day. It came on my iPod while I was reviewing my ballot booklet thingy.

Changes IV, by Cat Stevens

Don't you feel a change a coming
from another side of time
breaking down the walls of silence
lifting shadows from your mind
Placing back the missing mirrors
that before you couldn't find
filling mysteries of emptiness
that yesterday left behind

And we all know it's better
Yesterday has past
now let's all start the living
for the one that's going to last
Yes we all know it's better
Yesterday has past
now let's all start the living
for the one that's going to last

Monday, October 6, 2008

Song of the Day 10/06/08

Get it Faster, Jimmy Eat World

I don't care what you do
I'm getting out
No nothing ever shames me
Don't wanna thing from you
I'm going out
I don't care if you're angry

I should've thought things through
I'm holding out
But not getting an answer
I wanna do right by you
I'm finding out
Cheating gets it faster

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Song of the Day 10/05/08

When Youre Gone, by the Cranberries

But I'll miss you when you're gone, that is what I do. Hey, baby!
And it's going to carry on, that is what I do. hey, baby...

Friday, October 3, 2008

Song of the Day 10/03/08

Stupid Girl, by Garbage

You pretend youre high
You pretend youre bored
You pretend youre anything
Just to be adored
And what you need
Is what you get

A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Cindy's a Cunt

Thanks VJ for sending this my way, sooo funny!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Song of the Day 10/01/08 and an update

Frozen, by Madonna

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open

First, I want to send a huge hug to my darling Kim Beaver. I hope your father recovers quickly.

Yesterday we had a BBQ for my supe who is going to another department on the 10th. I'm sadzies because he is a really cool guy. He's moving on to better things and I wish him the best. I'm gonna miss him being around.

I am leaving for ID a week from tomorrow. My best pal April and her boyfriend Doug are going to stay here with Maggie while Derek and I are gone. We are actually going to her house on Saturday for a BBQ. hopefully it won't be so hot. Today was 101 degrees and I thought I was going to die. Come on fall!

Derek got a well deserved raise and we are hoping it will be on the next paycheck. I love when Derek gets all assertive and sticks up for himself. His boss is still a nozzle, but at least Derek is paid more to tolerate him.

I want a pumpkin spice frappachino. That sounds so good right now! Ok bye.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Song of the Day 09/30/08

How to Disappear Completely, by Radiohead

In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah it's gone
And I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here

Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Song of the Day 09/28/08

Violet, by Hole (Back when courtney was pretty)

And the sky was all violet I want it again, but violent, more violent
and i'm the one with no soul
one above and one below

might last a day yeah
mine is forever
might last a day, yeah
mine is forever

well they get what they want, they never want it again
well they get what they want, they never want it again

go on, take everything take everything i want you to
go on, take everything take everything i dare you to

i told you from the start just how this would end
when i get what i want i never want it again

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Song of the Day 09/27/08 and some ramblings

Maybe I'll Catch Fire, by the Alkaline Trio

this house is full of ears, but i can't talk to anyone. they've heard this one a thousand times. most exciting thing i do, hang half way out a third floor window, maybe throw lit cigarettes down. and maybe i'll catch fire. something warm to hold me, something pure to burn away the darkness that hides inside my mind. all that evil shit's not hard to find. i guess i only claim to be nice.

this house is full of eyes, but i can't look at anyone. they've seen this face a thousand times. most relaxing thing i do, hang half way out a third floor window, and look at rocks if i fall out. and maybe i'll fall hard. something tough to break me, something sharp to rip into my insides and bleed out all that pain. sorry i don't even know your name. i guess for me it's easy this way.

Today I did something I haven't done for months. I watched DVDs. I am notorious for having Netflix movies for months at a time before I watch them. I watched P.S. I love you. Can I tell you that I think I cried through the whole thing. It is a total chick flick, but I loved it. Then I watched Flight of the Conchords. I think it was six episodes on the disc. It was pretty funny. A lot to watch at once, but pretty good.

So right now the food network is on and they are talking about Paula Deen's resturant she opened in Harrah's Casino. Her employees wear a shirt that say "Get some south in your mouth." Is it bad that I want one? hahahaha! When I get old I want gray hair like Paula.

I am getting pretty excited about Christmas already. All my pals at work know I love a catalog. Todd and Beth's kids are doing the findraisers and I am a sucker for them. So I have wrapping paper and red plates with snowflakes on them coming :D! Every year for Christmas, I try to do a color theme and special drink and this year is going to be red and white. And the flavor is going to be peppermint. I will need to find a drink that isn't to overwhelming, maybe peppermint hot chocolate. Last year was pale blue and purples and the drink was a 357 Magnum (rum, vodka, ameretto, and 7-up). I have to talk to April who is my co-chef for this event. I promise I will try to keep my Christmas talk to a minimum until at least Thanksgiving.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

It's not even Holloween yet!

So over the past week or so, a couple things have happened.

First thing is my supervisor has a new position and will no longer be my supervisor effective October 11. The person taking his spot is a night time supervisor whom I didn't have many good interactions with. Although I am happy for Fred's new position, I am kind of scared what is going to happen. I am looking at it as it could be so much worse. It could be my old boss who was a complete and utter piece of work...and by work I mean shit. I am also on job burn out. This happens from time to time. I get bored pretty easy and need something to spark my interest in it again. Maybe the new supervisor will do that.

Second is kind of some good news. Our landlord has agreed to extend our lease for at least another 18 months with no Rent change for now. Ultimately, Derek and I will be moving up to the Idahos to be near my mom. With all the crazy junk going on I have been in a state of worry. So I will be able to keep an eye on her and Derek will be in a city that is more like home to him. plus, buying a house for under 150K is appealing.

My sister has been in Idaho for a few months getting her life in some sort of order. She spent the last three years flushing it down the toilet. She wants to come back to San Diego, so she maybe spending a couple months with me since we have the extra bedroom. I never wanted anything for her other than to be happy. I hope she finds what she's looking for. I am happy she will be here for Christmas. That a big deal to me. This year's theme is red and white snowflakes. Yes i have already started planning. I want to make sure Christmas is a special time for Derek and I. We don't have any family in the area, so we spend this time with people we hold close. My pal April, her mom and dad, and this year we will have her boyfriend Doug joining us! And I love Christmas music soooo much. i know it's only September and I am already planning Christmas, I'm sick. But it really is the most wonderful time of the year for me.

Thanks for all the emails and comments on my songs of the day thing. I will continue to do it. It gives me something to look forward to. If anyone wants to email me directly, it's You can even tell me your song of the day and I'll use it if I can't think of one.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Song of the Day 09/24/09

We Won't Get Fooled Again, by the Who

The change, it had to come
We knew it all along
We were liberated from the foe, that' all
And the world looks just the same
And history ain't changed
'Cause the banners, they all flown in the next war

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
No, no!

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Song of the Day 09/23/2008

Good Things, by Sleater-Kinney

got this feeling when i heard your name the other day
couldn't say it, couldn't make it go away
it's a hard place, can't be friends, we can't be enemies
it's just too much, feel the weight crushing down on my face

the hardest part is things already said
getting better, worse, i can not tell
why do good things never wanna stay?
some things you lose, some things you give away

Monday, September 22, 2008

Song of the Day 09/22/08

Not David Bowie, by Tori Amos (the video was selected for sound quality, the live versions are hard to hear)

vultures in my garden
figures that I know them
and it is what it is
you were good once
now you're filled with bitterness
and it is what it is

I cannot forget
that he can't forget her
or that some friends just
change like the seasons
take me back to the fact
that you still blame me
but I am not the reason
you are Not David Bowie
Not David Bowie

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Song of the Day 09/21/08

Get Off of My Cloud, by the Rolling Stones

There are no particular lyrics. I think I might have had a dream with this song in it because I woke up singing it. I don't remeber the dream. bwa bwa!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Song of the Day 09/19/08 and a small update

It's a Hit, by Rilo Kiley

Any chimp can play human for a day.
Use his opposable thumbs to iron his uniform
and run for office on election day
fancy himself a real decision maker
and deploy more troops than salt in a shaker.

But it's a jungle when war is made,
and you'll panic and throw your own shit at the enemy.
The camera pulls back to reveal your true identity.
Look, it's a sheep in wolf's clothing.
A smoking gun holding ape.

So the dentist...The hygienist asked me as I griped onto the sides of the chair so hard my hands were white...Do you want to try this without the gas?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I looked at her and she said oh, it looks like you're in trouble already. Derek warned me that she would try to get out of using it. I don't think so! Otherwise, the cleaning went pretty fast and i don't have to go back for 6 months. Derek is so mad because he has to go back every three. I told him if he flossed and stopped drinking so much coffee, it might be six. He refuses to floss. bleck!

Today was kind of a hard day. I had a mini breakdown when I got home, but I feel tons better after I had a good cry and talked about it with Derek. Now I am going to listen to music and relax with my dog who is hitting me with her paw for attention right now.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The dentist text messaged me!

So I was at work, trying not to pass out from lack of sleep and boredom, as I do, and I got a text message from my dentist reminding me I have an appointment tomorrow! Waaaaaaaaa! The receptionist called and assured me the gas would be waiting. I think she figure it would panic me a little. I don't know if i like getting random text messages from the dentist. It's like...GET OFF MY BACK, I FLOSS! but that could be just me.

My pal Andrea came in with her baby girl Madie (Madaline) and I held her. I normally shy away from holding babies. It hurts my heart, but in a good way if that makes any sense. I always imagined i would be a mommie and it's a little heartbreaking that I'm not. Derek and I talk about adopting all the time, but we need to get established somewhere first. Most likely in Idaho. Here's hoping.

Today, they had a representative from an organization that deals with Aids in the GLBT community come into our work for a presentation. I was so upset i didn't get to go because I remembered too late. It would have been educational. I was also very happy that my company did this. Normally they have presentations on Weight Watchers and Autism which is important, but thats not all there is in this world of ours. and Congratulations to Babaloo for meeting his fundraising goal for the Aids Walk he and Taffy did! That's awesome.

Now that i have some time on my hands, I think I may start reading again. Ricky has mentioned a book to me and Archerr is always mentioning one on his show. So, I may walk to the Barnes and Noble tomorrow and pick something up. I am a huge fan of the books Gregory Mcguire wrote (Wicked, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister, ect) Anyone else familiar with those and know of ones that are similar?

Ok, off to make dinner.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Song of the Day 09/16/2008

Dark Center of the Universe, by Modest Mouse

I might disintegrate into the thin air if you'd like
I'm not the dark center of the universe like you thought
Well, it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am
And I'm real damn sure that anyone can, equally easily fuck you over

Well, God sayin' somethin', but he didn't mean it
Everyone's life ends, but no one ever completes it
Dry or wet ice, they both melt and you're equally cheated
Well, it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am
And I'm really damn sure that anyone can, equally easily fuck you over
I'm sure you'll tell me you got nothin' to say
But our voices shook hands the other day
If you can't see the thin air then what the hells in your way?

Monday, September 15, 2008

Song of the Day 09/15/08

Where Did You Sleep Last Night, by Nirvana

Unplugged in New York is possibly the most beautiful performance I have ever seen.

My girl, my girl, dont lie to me
Tell me, where did you sleep last night?
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun dont ever shine
I will shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will ya go?
Im going where the cold wind blows
In the pines, the pines
The sun, the shine
Ill shiver the whole night through

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Trying to write take two

You know, I wrote a whole post about how angry I was. Then I realized that what I had written was just out of anger and it wouldn't solve anything.

You know people, when you put your trust in someone and find out that they are saying horrible things about you, it really hurts. When someone is supposed to be your friend, but turns around and just lies...Well, I think my judgement in people maybe completely wrong. So maybe there are people i didn't think I liked, but I never took the time to really get to know them. Shame on me.

I have been thinking a lot today about where I fit. And somedays, I just don't feel like I belong anywhere and somedays I feel like I found my place. Its so bizarre how easily I can flip/flop from one to another.

I did receive a very sweet email today from a podcaster who I really admire and think is just so lovely. There are a few of those podcasters of which I admire because they are sweet people that just don't get involved with the crap that can happen in this community. i need to be that mature.

I am still very angry, but I feel a bit better now that I have written all this stuff down and the post that no one will see.

I recorded with Tim C and Eric for Meat Free Radio. Tim said something happened with the file so we will need to record it again. We were a bunch of giggling fools on that recording. It felt good to laugh. Eric, I hope your looking for my sugar daddy, so he can take me to NYC to have yummy vegetarian food with you.

My dear old dad's play is opening, I think Friday, Tim, Ron, Ryan, Kevin, and Jason are going to the SC's to see it and hang out with Dad and Larry Klye. I hope they all have a great time.

Speaking of podcasters, I sent an email to one that I trust a great deal and asked their opinion on me doing a show on my own. I knew the answer I got from them would be honest. I agreed with what they said for the most part. My confidence is shot, so I couldn't honestly judge for myself. I would like to keep podcasting because I really enjoy it. I don't really want to do one alone unless it was very short. I will just give it time. Think about what I really want to do. Any ideas out there?

For anyone who has things to say that don't feel comfortable commenting here, please feel free to email I have gotten quite of few facebook and myspace messages, but to be honest, I lag on checking those.

I think I am so tired I am babbling.

Song of the Day 09/11/08

Paper Thin Walls, by Modest Mouse

These walls are paper thin
And everyone hears every little sound
Everyone's a voyeur, their watching me
Watch them, watch me right now
They're shakin' hands, they're shakin' in their shoes
Oh Lord, don't shake me down
Everyone wants two of them
And half of everyone else who's around
Its been agreed, the whole world stinks
So no ones taking showers anymore
Laugh hard it's a long way to the bank
I can't be blamed for nothin' anymore
It's been a long time since you've been around
Laugh hard it's a long ways to the bank

Tow the line to tax the time, you know
That you don't owe
I can't be a fool for everyone that I don't know

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Song of the Day 09/09/08

Big Wheel, by Tori Amos

I've been on my knees
But you're so hard
Hard to please
Did you take me take me in
So you are a superstar
Get off the cross we need the wood

Somehow you will rise
But without a tool
I know honey you're a pro
But BABY I don't need your cash

Mama got it all in hand now
Big Wheel turn my
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinkin' down your pain
Gonna turn that whiskey into rain

Monday, September 8, 2008

Nessa's Song of the Day 09/08/08

A lot of the time I will be listening to the iPod and a song will come on that reminds me of someone, something, or a situation. So I figure I would start posting vidjoes of the song and the lyrics that struck me. So today is:

Death on Two Legs, Queen

Feel good are you satisfied?
Do you feel like suicide?
(i think you should)
Is your conscience all right
Does it plague you at night?
Do you feel good feel good?

Insane you should be put inside
You're a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride
Should be made unemployed
Then make yourself null and void
Make me feel good i feel good

My Thoughts On the VMA's

You know, I must be getting old.

I remember when the VMA's (MTV Videos Music Awards) were a big to-do. Where there was an equal spread of Rock, R&B, and pop. Where is my rock MTV? And does Disney own MTV? The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus were nominees?! You would have thought for a 25th anniversary, MTV would have a huge blow out. Who the hell was the host with his caterpillar eyebrows?! The only good thing he did was to tell people to vote for Obama! Was Arsenio Hall busy?! And all while Lil' Wayne was performing, I just wanted him to pull up his pants and stop grabbing the crotch of his pants. YES IT'S STILL THERE! Jeez! I mean really? Did his entire ass need to be hanging out the back of his britches!

This isn't from the VMA's...but guess which one is Lil Wayne?!

I did enjoy Rihanna, Pink, and Paramore. I would have liked to see entire performances by the Ting Tings and Katy Perry. Kanye West did nothing for me other than I liked the drums in the song. Also, I liked what they did with DJ AM and Travis. And Britney looked really good and I say good for her.

I don't know what happened MTV. When the biggest name you have performing is Kid Rock, I think it's time to reevaluate the show. I found it a touch boring. Bwa bwaaaaa!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

For Bjorn

We talked about this song about a week ago and neither of us could find it. Well I finally did on the youtubes!


Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Things that were good/funny today

My pal Izola brought me her yummy mac and cheese, but also brought me a mix cd full of david cook and NKOTB!

Beth remembered to bring in the movie she was going to let me borrow 3 months ago.

My pal Keela came back from vacation!

Told Ricky to scrapbook about his mussy!

I received the sweetest email from one of the greatest people! He will never know how special his words were to me. For reals!

Received the following video via email from a pal who knew I was in a Dresden Dolls mood and I love Amanda so hard:

and this one too:

Was on Archerr's gang bang show and DQYDJ with Melanie, Patrick, and Stacey! (Missed you Jerry)

Found out my sister and I have something in common with Chip Coffey!

and no one was in the ER!

All I have to say to the above is Hurrah!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

What a week

I have had an interesting week. I am still reeling over WMBYS. I go from being angry, to sad, to frustrated, to whatever. It is hard to put a lot of yourself into a project and then be told you can't do it anymore. I am so appreciative of the emails, phone calls, comments I have received. At first, I really thought that I could be ostracized from the community I love so much, but I was so wrong. I have never been so happy about being wrong. And yes I am very sad things happened how they did. But you know, I have learned that I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes and that's ok. I would rather be emotional then a cold person with no feelings you know? I will probably still be sad about WMBYS for awhile, but I am ready to move on. I don't want to be surrounded with negative feelings or thoughts when the whole experience was the complete opposite for me. I had a very good time doing it and i have met some fucking awesome people through it. That can never be bad. I may venture out on my own, but I am taking a break for now. Not sure what I want to do.

Moving on...

From what I gather from my mom's cryptic description, my stepdad has some weird growth on his stomach. They are gauging his symptoms and it could be nothing or something more severe. My stepdad takes crap care of himself, so I am hoping it's just him being fat. We'll see. No news is good news.

My mom's hand looks so gross. The whole top of her finger that she cut off is black and bleck. She's ok for the most part, but she can skip the ER this week.

I thought my air conditioner broke this morning and I was scured! September is the hottest part of summer for the East County and I was not having that. Derek fixed it because he knew what was good for him. I am a grouchy bitch when I am hot.

I have been doing great with the vegetarian diet this week. I am an emotional eater, so i was concerned I would be like, fuck it I don't care. But I stayed on track and I feel so good about it.

Ok I am off to play Sims. I know i'm a dork!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

No title

I will keep this brief.

I will no longer be participating with the We're Mean Because You're Stupid podcast. I was asked to leave because of my behavior regarding the situation I blogged about before.

I do not have anything bad to say about Holly or Walt, I won't say anything negative about them, and I wish them luck with continuing the podcast on their own.

I am very thankful for the people I have met through this show who i would never have met otherwise. I hope that I can continue my friendships with you all and that you keep in touch.

Thank you so very much for making me feel included in this community when I didn't feel at home anywhere else.


Saturday, August 23, 2008

Update Vomit

Junk that has happened in the last week or so:w

My step-dad has some weird hard spot in his stomach and they can't figure out what it is. So they shoot him full of whatever it is they shoot you full of to do a cat-scan and turns out he's allergic to it. To top it off, my mom was already in the emergency room because she didn't feel right.

My mom was fine, they still don't know whats wrong with my step dad.

Last night, my mom was in the emergency room again because she tried cutting her finger off. She is fine, just a few stiches and having to be creative when she wipes her ass.

And my mom's 51st birthday was thursday. My step-dad forgot. Drina, mom said that she would love for you to call her. She doesn't want a gift. If you need her phone number, email me

So last night, the NYC group of podcasters thought it would be funny to play out a fight on Twitter. At first, I freaked out because Holly is out there alone and when I texted her and asked if she was ok, she didn't say i'm fine it was a joke, she led me to believe someone had been inappropriate with her. When the pictures started posting, I realized that this was supposed to be funny. i didn't think so. I still don't. I thought I had overreacted because I was already having an off day because I was tired, then my mom calls talking about cutting her finger off, and a few other matters going on. But after some discussion with a few people, they could understand why I was upset.

Wes, I am sorry I cancelled on you. I wouldn't have been very good company. I owe you, I really do.

I have been successful in not eating meat for about a month now. I have been cooking a whole lot more, which I love. What is weird is I thought I would be going crazy with meat craving. I really haven't. i have been sleeping a whole lot better and not so irritable. Besides this week stressing me out, I have been pretty good. Normally this amount of stress would result in migraines, but I don't even have a headache. I just need to keep up on the bike.

Today I made mushroom raviolli with a pea pesto puree thingy. It was so good! Tomorrow, depending on how adventurous I am feeling, I will make gnocchi with a sage butter sauce or tacos. hahaha! I will probably make the tacos because my avocados are ready. I made Avocado Brushcetta last week and Derek liked it enough that he said I should make it again. I have a recipie for a taco soup and I am thinking I will tweek it to make it vegetarian friendly that will be excellent with the Brushcetta.

Ok I am done babbling. I really need a good night's sleep because on top of everything else, I am being a girl this week! Hurrah!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I love this so hard

This was made by a listener of the WMBYS! Tim in AK is my new husband, he just doesn't know it yet.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Podcasting junk and stuff

I know that many of my readers are listeners of WMBYS. Well I made some appearances on other shows this week that you should go check out.

I was on episode 69 of my boyfriend's podcast, Pod is My Co-Pilot. They share a gross story of a "friend" of theirs. very funny!

Not to long ago I did an interview with Tom from the Ramble Redhead show. I know a lot of us tease Tom about shameless promotion, but I really believe his show does some good and I have learned a lot from it. He posted our show this morning. If you want to take a listen you can by going to his web site or through iTunes.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

A Dedication to my Father

The only purpose of the video is so you can hear the song if you want to. This song grabbed my heart today...Someday, I will elaborate on my father...not right now though

There's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes
I threw them to sea, but a gust blew them backwards
And the sting in my eyes that you then inflicted
Was par for the course just as when you were living

It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father
But a donor of seeds to a poor single mother
That would raise us alone, we never saw the money
That went down your throat through the hole in your belly

Thirteen years old in the suburbs of Denver
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner
At the Catholic church; the servers wore crosses
To shield from the sufferance plaguing the others
Styrofoam plates, cafeteria tables
Charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
And I'm thinking of you, I do every year
When we count all our blessings
And wonder what we're doing here

You're a disgrace to the concept of family
The priest won't divulge that fact in his homily
And I'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet
You can deck out a lie in a suit but I won't buy it
I won't join in the procession that's speaking their peace
Using five dollar words while praising his integrity
And just because he's gone, it doesn't change the fact:
He was a bastard in life, thus a bastard in death

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Up too early

So Derek finally comes to bed at 2:45am. He tosses and turns to get comfortable, three minutes later gets up to go to the bathroom and tosses and turns again. This goes on for the next 15 minutes because Derek is mental! He has some deep seeded fear that he will piss himself while he sleeps or something. And this isn't the first time his up and down for 20 minutes has kept me awake. So I have been awake since 2:45am. (which is a good Elliott Smith song)

Anyways. I did get somethings done this morning. I purchased some birthday pressies for Dad. Read up on all the blogs I have let slip over the week, updated the iTunes, and started to listen to the 30 plus podcasts that have built up since Wednesday.

I have a new obsession. I have always been intrigued by Mediums and ghost hunting and junk. There are two shows I LOVE on the A&E's. The First one is Paranormal State and the second is Psychic Kids. The common thread on these two shows is Chip Coffey. Something about him is interesting and certainly entertaining. And he looks a little like Big Fatty, which I am listening to out of order, I just realized.

WMBYS' 50th show is going to be recorded on Tuesday. i think that is so exciting. I also get to be a guest on PIMC's 69th episode with my boyfriend Taylor, Taffy, Rodan, Tom, and someone else. So that will be fun.

Can you tell that I am just talking to take up time? I wonder what time Starbucks opens on Sundays. I will for sure need it.

Did I mention that I love Eddie Izzard?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

One of my husbands

So tonight I got to see my husband Eddie Izzard. This is the tail end of his Stripped tour when he is going back to his blokey roots. He was so fantastic and so funny. And he looked amazing. Even though he wasn't in girl garb, he still wore the eyeliner and frankly makes Nessie a happy girl.

After the show we met my pals April and Doug out front and were just chatting and something told me to look in the lobby of the theater. There was Eddie doing a little impromptu Q & A! I was like 5 feet away from him. And he is striking in person. April has pictures, so once I get them, I will post.

Man oh man. I want to jump on him and wiggle!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Boo to teeth

So last thursday, I went to the dentist for the first time in 19 years. Yea I know, gross. So I went and when they called me back, I had a mini panic attack. Crying, can't breath. So the Dr. Dentist says, do you know what laughing gas is? We're going to give you a sample. So, he puts on the mask and tells me my fingers will tingle when it's kicking in. No finger tingles. But the lights were becoming very pretty. I compare it to doing E. Yes, I did it a long time ago, don't judge me. So the lights are pretty and Dr. Dentist puts dark glasses on me. Derek says something like, go get in your plane goose or top gun or something. I start laughing and Dr. Dentist says yea were turning it off.

So today the receptionist lady calls and says that my bottom tooth that I had chipped has a small cavity in it and they want to get it taken care of asap since the longer I wait the more my enamel will wear away and the cavity could get larger. So This thursday, I will be going in and getting my tooth taken care of. The only thing left is a series of cleaning and my wisdom teeth on the bottom pulled. Other than that, they say my teeth are in good shape.

In other news...bad segway

Sweetie Southern Boy Eric's fur baby is in the animal hospital :( You all need to send good puppy vibes to the boogs! No one wants their babies to be sick and I know I would appreciate the well wishes!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Beach Time With (F)reddy

Today I got to meet Freddy and his partner Jed, and their two sons, Adrian and Nathan.

Miss Wes and I met everyone at a burger place called Hodads, which was on an episode of Diners, Drive ins, and Dives. I had the grilled cheese :)

We took a stroll down to Ocean Beach where Freddy and Jed tried to convince his kids to go in the water. We also saw a very nice lifeguard who was sooo yummy. Freddy has video of him. So yummy. It was a great time and Freddy and his family were just adorable. I hope we get to hang out again. Here are a few pictures, the last one of me wearing my present from Freddy :)

On the back of the shirt it says :)