Friday, July 2, 2010

So here it begins...

Well, my pals that read this on a regular basis will know the news. Derek and I are divorcing. With this divorce is coming a number of changes. I am trying to remain positive in this new journey. I still have bad days and I am entitled. Today was a rough one. Made the mistake of listening to a song, but I need to cry sometimes. I am not a robot.

I miss my podcast and I have missed interacting with the lot of you. So I am making plans for a new show. Not sure how it will work, what I will do, what I will talk about. But I am determined not to become the bitter divorcée and deepen my inability to leave my house. When I do release anything, I will post announcements via twitter or facebook. I am hoping some of my podcasting pals will help me spread the word too. This blog will not be related to whatever show I decide to do. I want to keep them separate. So I won't be making any further announcements here.

You would be proud of me, I have been out walking. Not a terrible amount of distance, but I take the dog out every day for at least 20 minutes. This used to be Derek's job. Now I do it. Sometimes, I will drop Maggie back at home and keep walking. A HUGE accomplishment for me. Last week, I walked 17 miles. That is amazing for me.

I went to the San Diego Fair with my sister. I walked around with her and ate deep fried butter! I didn't really care if anyone was looking either.

I went to my friend Sarah's and she waxed my eyebrows. We hung out and talked and I had a great time. I am working on changing this shut-in quality I gained during the last seven years of my life. It is still hard, but I have made myself go and do things I haven't had to do for a long time. I washed my car for the first time in like 3 years. Gross I know. It sounds so silly that I am proud that i go grocery shopping, or I go to the bank. But I am.

The big news besides my divorce is I am making a move. In March of next year I will be on my way to Idaho. My parents have graciously offered me a place to stay until I get on my feet. A new state, a new job, new people. I am scared to the point of tears, but if I can do this, i can do pretty much anything. I have spent my entire 32 years in San Diego. I have never known anything other than here. But I long to have my family close and to make a real home for myself. I will so much about California, but it's time. I am a little excited, I already have Erik in Seattle promising drinks and Nicole and Christina will be like an hour away. Walt, you will need to come visit since Erik is an hour plane ride away from my new home. Erik should be reason enough ;)

I am hoping that i can save enough money to go to Florida in the winter. I need to get away and I have a group of people I need to meet. I have found so much support during this hard time from all corners of the earth. I can't even thank y'all enough. Even though I have not been very public about the goings on here, It is so comforting to know I could contact someone if I need to.

I think this is all I can do right now. I am getting emotional and I need to walk it off. I plan on writing more often. I need to purge my emotions. I want to remain positive and hope y'all will forgive the occasional bad day.

Nessa XO


Michael Sage said...

I know it may seem like an uphill battle some days but when I read this entry all I saw was my friend who is having a new awakening, a rebirth and I was smiling the entire time I was reading. I'm so proud of you. I really am so very proud of you. You have everything you need right now to make it though every rough day. One day you'll look back on these bad days and see how much stronger you've become. One day you'll be able to visit CA whenever you want & who knows? maybe you'll end up here again... by choice. One thing is certain and that is that no matter where you live, settle or travel you will be surrounded by love. It's who you are & I think you're slowly remembering that. It's okay... we all forget from time to time.

Have I mentioned how very proud I am of you? :-)



erik98122 said...

Rock on sister! You can do ANYTHING!!! These dark days will be behind you once and for all!

Love ya
your soon to be new neighbor!! :D

Jerry said...