So here it begins...

Well, my pals that read this on a regular basis will know the news. Derek and I are divorcing. With this divorce is coming a number of changes. I am trying to remain positive in this new journey. I still have bad days and I am entitled. Today was a rough one. Made the mistake of listening to a song, but I need to cry sometimes. I am not a robot.

I miss my podcast and I have missed interacting with the lot of you. So I am making plans for a new show. Not sure how it will work, what I will do, what I will talk about. But I am determined not to become the bitter divorcée and deepen my inability to leave my house. When I do release anything, I will post announcements via twitter or facebook. I am hoping some of my podcasting pals will help me spread the word too. This blog will not be related to whatever show I decide to do. I want to keep them separate. So I won't be making any further announcements here.

You would be proud of me, I have been out walking. Not a terrible amount of distance, but I take the dog out every day for at least 20 minutes. This used to be Derek's job. Now I do it. Sometimes, I will drop Maggie back at home and keep walking. A HUGE accomplishment for me. Last week, I walked 17 miles. That is amazing for me.

I went to the San Diego Fair with my sister. I walked around with her and ate deep fried butter! I didn't really care if anyone was looking either.

I went to my friend Sarah's and she waxed my eyebrows. We hung out and talked and I had a great time. I am working on changing this shut-in quality I gained during the last seven years of my life. It is still hard, but I have made myself go and do things I haven't had to do for a long time. I washed my car for the first time in like 3 years. Gross I know. It sounds so silly that I am proud that i go grocery shopping, or I go to the bank. But I am.

The big news besides my divorce is I am making a move. In March of next year I will be on my way to Idaho. My parents have graciously offered me a place to stay until I get on my feet. A new state, a new job, new people. I am scared to the point of tears, but if I can do this, i can do pretty much anything. I have spent my entire 32 years in San Diego. I have never known anything other than here. But I long to have my family close and to make a real home for myself. I will so much about California, but it's time. I am a little excited, I already have Erik in Seattle promising drinks and Nicole and Christina will be like an hour away. Walt, you will need to come visit since Erik is an hour plane ride away from my new home. Erik should be reason enough ;)

I am hoping that i can save enough money to go to Florida in the winter. I need to get away and I have a group of people I need to meet. I have found so much support during this hard time from all corners of the earth. I can't even thank y'all enough. Even though I have not been very public about the goings on here, It is so comforting to know I could contact someone if I need to.

I think this is all I can do right now. I am getting emotional and I need to walk it off. I plan on writing more often. I need to purge my emotions. I want to remain positive and hope y'all will forgive the occasional bad day.

Nessa XO

12/16/09

Chrima 2005

Gearing up for Chrima has got me running through the normal (for me) emotions. Of course, The guilt, stress, excitement, happiness, nerves, all kick in the week before Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving dinner was a huge success, but that is easy when there are only two of us. Derek put up the chrima decorations as he has in years past. I don't think either of us are feeling it this year. Derek's annoyance at putting up the tree was very apparent. I still haven't decorated out first tree (the 3ft fake tree that was our first tree when we got married) and I haven't had the motivation to do so. I can't shake the funk I have been in, although I have been trying.

I am done chrima shopping, was done rather quickly. With money being as tight as it is, I think I did rather well and only had one mishap with Amazon that was corrected quickly. My mother received their gift box and we received hers. It made me sad cause I haven't had a chrima with my mom in six years. I don't dare cry about it to Derek as he hasn't had a holiday with his parents either. Derek is supposed to fly to London next year to see his grandfather. I don't know if Derek has filtered in his head that this may be the last time he sees him. That makes me sad. I wish I could get him over there more often, it's just so expensive.

On the good side, I will get to spend some time with Wes, Christian, Frank, and Brian this weekend. The 2nd annual cookie party where we won't really bake cookies hahaha! These boys, although I don't get to talk to or see them as much as I'd like, mean the world to me. Love them tons! Derek does too, even though Christian sometimes makes him nervous with this "it's all the same in the dark" talk. hahah! Sorry Derek.

Then chrima eve we will be having breakfast for dinner and some fun times with April, Doug, and her parents. April came over on Saturday and we just talked for hours. It's weird to think that April and I have been friends for almost 25 years. I wish I saw her more often. I hope she likes her pressies for chrima.

As it stands right now, I have 1,448 chrima songs left to listen to. My pal Walt sent me about 3,000 chrima songs and plus the 300 or so I had, I have been listening to 60-150 songs a day. At one point, the ipod decided I needed to hear Frosty the snowman 9 ways in a row. It made me giggle. i think Walt is down to 700 to listen to, so we are racing to the finish line. In order for me to finish by Chrima, I have to listen to 160 songs a day. I may make it by new years :)

We have received so many chrima cards and you know what, I love these end of the year news letters. i may never meet some of these folks in person, but I love that they sent them. It gives Derek and I a little insight to who listens to S&T. Great people, I will have you know. I am so very thankful for them. Derek said he wanted to do one of the news letters next year. I guess that means we actually have to do stuff.

We did a few things this year, Ricky and TWSS were here for a couple days, Derek and I participated in pride 48, Our first trip to Vegas with the in-laws, Derek and I went to Gay Days at Disneyland, We had dinner with Wes, Tim, and Ron, and we had our first podcast anniversary.

2010 is right around the corner, and Derek and I are focusing on finances and our health. Our goal is to be in ID by the time I am 35, homeowners at 37, and adopt a child by 40. I'll be 32 in May. here's hoping these procrastinating, lazy, unorganized people can do it. haha!

Since I may not post until after the new year, I hope my friends and family out there have a great chrima and 2010 brings you nothing but joy and love.

So I started a band!

Thanks Qcast!

What would your own album look like if you were in a band?

Follow the directions below and find out…Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select “random quotations”or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.

Here’s mine:

The good stuff

I really should have updated this when it happened, but I couldn't find the motivation to write it out. Plus when I do write, I tend to focus on the negative and I did not want to loose my good mood since they are sometimes far between.

So hopefully I can remember everything that happened this week.

-Monday-
This was a pretty big deal for our company. Warren Buffett who owns (?) Berkshire Hathaway, GEICO's parent company, was coming to our office since we had the highest something. He does it every year, but it is normally an office back east that has the highest something. This is a pretty big deal. After his speech to the higher ups, he took pictures with everyone in the building, all 1500 of us. I didn't get to shake his had or anything, but the 8 of us got our picture taken with him and the CEO of GEICO. So Mr. Buffett puts his arms around two of my co-workers and Mr. Nicely (CEO) puts his arm around me, gives me a squeeze, asks how I am. And there were three (I think) photographers walking back and forth taking pictures. And as silly as it sounds, I wasn't sure where to look, so I am pretty sure I will have a dumb look on my face. Afterwards, Mr. Buffett patted me on the back as he walked by. I thought it was cool. And they gave us ice cream afterwards. Can't beat that.

-Tuesday-
I have been trying to make an effort to stay in a better mood at work. It's hard when I go in all tired and really bored. But I am so very thankful I have my job so I need to make the best of what I am blessed to have. This became so much easier when my pal Sarah wrapped her arms around me and scared me half to death! She is back from maternity leave and was coming to days! I am so happy because Sarah feels like she could be a sister from another mother. She makes me smile like no other. I may not be the sappy sort, but I love it when she tells me I'm adorable and she loves me. I adore her, and her children are so beautiful. I think she is one of the few girls who hasn't had an agenda. I use agenda for lack of a better term. I don't bond with females well at all. But Sarah and I have a bond that I hold near and dear to my heart. She's a beautiful girl!

-Wednesday-
I got to do our taxes! Now I know Tax time isn't fun time for most. Well, Derek and I don't own anything and we're poor by California standards, We normally get a fat refund. This year was more than expected. When I get the final numbers, I felt like a load lifted off my shoulders. After we get the money, the credit cards will be paid off, Both Derek and I can get our eyes checked, take the car in, new phone for Derek and I, and finance the trip to Vegas with the in-laws. Both Derek and I hugged and both felt some relief. It will rule to see clearly again heh!

-Thursday-
Derek and I went To Grossmont to look around, did a little shopping, saw Last Chance Harvey (eh), then came home and did podcasting junk. Not a whole lot, but was so fun. A Good day for sure.

-Friday-
Just a good day at work with my work husband that consisted of way too much caffeine. I was deleting things off my computer and found a folder that had Phreddy's birthday video in it. It made me cry. Not because I was sad, but because I was really grateful that I met him in person, and his beautiful family. He's good people. And now I am watching Kevin Smith and texting that slut Christian whose about to gay it up haha!

So to add to this long ass post, this song is hot, and I love this video.

Christmastime is Done

So every year for the last five, Derek and I have had a Christmas dinner for my sister, her roommate, and my best pal April. There has been some inclusions and exclusions over the years, but it is something I always look forward to.

This year was no exception, We planned a vegetarian feast for Christmas eve for Derek and I, April and her boyfriend Doug, and April's dad.

So April and I divided up the dishes and can I tell you...I will be catering next year hahahaha! It wasn't that the food was bad, it was fabulous. It was the amount of slicing and dicing we did and having my stove die half way through. haha! So I do not have a stove and we had to finish what we could on the foreman grill and microwave. Last night I was cooking some potato and soy chorizo burritos for dinner last night. I am trying to figure out how I can cook up some past to use up the last of my ricotta cheese and the Italian style "sausage" I have in the fridge. I feel horrible since our landlord just replaced the air conditioner and the garbage disposal. With the economy as shitty as it is, I almost don't want to tell him and cook on the foreman for a month. I know this isn't realistic, but still. But the food that made it through was fabulous and I will probably make the dishes again separately.

So after the company hoisted it out of here, Derek and I went to bed and I passed out. Derek (who needs the 8 hours sleep) woke me up because Santa had come (honk) and he wanted to open the pressies. Derek and his nerdy self haha he got a Mario T-shirt, a Bullet Bill wallet, a few books, some wii points, and the Dark Knight on DVD. He also got some money to be put toward the purchase of his Playstation 3. I got a GPS unit because Nessa does get lost, the third instalment of the Wicked series, all 8 seasons of the Cosby Show on dvd, some vegetarian cookbooks. Derek's parents sent us yummy Cadbury candy and my mom sent some odds and ends. A good time was had by us.

We then had some Carl's Jr for lunch and watched a Christmas Story where I tried to nap. Derek hates when I sleep in the living room so he kept waking me up. We were waiting for Derek's parents to call from the Scotland. Which they did at midnight their time and we chitta chatted about our days and found out my sister in law, Jen, is 3 months pregnant! I am so excited for them! So hurrah!

Today my stupid ass neighbors decided that 8 am was a good time to nail things into the wall. So I got up and curled up on the couch with the cat, drank some coffee, and started catching up on podcasts so I don't have 75 to listen to when I get back to work. I am so excited that the LFC is coming back and I have really enjoyed the shows Big Fatty has done with him. His snowflake skit was hilarious. I loved at the end when Holly said it's always too loud. good stuff!

So I have a favor to ask of you. Between a few people I have $50 in iTunes and of course I have no idea what to purchase. I always have a list in my head, but then I forget what I want. So what's your favorite song or songs. I do need to download some Abba because I have this karaoke game for playstation 2 I am addicted too has a game with just Abba songs. I know maybe 2 Abba songs. Dancing Queen and Take a Chance on me. Derek says that in the UK everyone loves the Abba and he knew more than I did. So I will need to get me some Abba so I can keep up.

So I think I have certainly babbled on long enough! I hope you all had a good holiday and junk and stuff.

Thanksgiving countdown

I am watching a Thanksgiving special on the food network. I always thought you should toast the bread you use, huh. Tyler Florence didn't toast the sourdough cubes. Sorry, that's a little random.

So this will be my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. I will admit that a part of me is a little sad because I always associated Thanksgiving with the meal. So this will be a challenge. I am making Derek a turkey breast, but everything else will be vegetarian. Sage and mushroom stuffing, Green beans, potato au gratin, and i have "chicken" breasts that I really like that I am pretty confident they will be very tast smothered in gravy. Plus the ceremonial pickles and olives. My mom would always put out the bread and butter pickles and black olives while she cooked to keep the kids busy. So I continue it because, well because I am :)

What dishes do you all have?

So I am working on getting over a cold or the flu. I had planned on Christmas shopping last week, but I was in a NyQuil coma for the most part. So I am starting now. I am also starting on my Christmas cards. I love sending Christmas cards. So if you are a regular reader of my blog and I don't have your address, email me at missxomisery@aol.com.

So Derek and I are two weeks into the podcast and it is going pretty well. Derek is pretty excited about how many comments we've gotten on the blog and how many followers. It has been a lot of fun to brain storm with him. I don't say it enough because I try not to be overly mushy, but he really is a good guy. So enough of that hehe!

Here we go...

Stars and Tartan are offical...

Episode one is available on iTunes. The links and stuff are all available at starsandtartan.com!

A big thanks goes out to my friends who encouraged me to do this, you know who you are :)

The Johnstons Make a Podcast

After a lot of consideration and thought (and a ton of encouragement from friends), Derek and I have decided to start our own podcast. We will be doing a personal journal style podcast about what we have going on in our lives and what we're interested in. We are both very excited about it and hope to have the ball rolling in the next week or so.

I think this will be a good opportunity for my pals out there in podcast land to get to know Derek and Derek to mingle with the lot of you.

In the mean time, we have a website up, that's kind of bare right now, but we'll be working on it. It is located here starsandtartan.com

Here's to new starts and junk and stuff.

Catch up and Song of the Day 10/24/08

So I am finally getting back into the swing of things after vacation. i need another vacation for reals.

So, I don't think I ever talked about my pal Erin on here. Erin is a lady I work with who up until the 14th of this month was technically a man. So she is now officially a lady and is so happy. She came into work to pick up her check and she looks amazing. Everytime I would see her before, she always looked beat down and tired. This Erin was so bright eyed and excited, I am so happy for her and I wish her the very best. And she has agreed to indulge me in my curiousity and said I could ask her anything I wanted. Now I can't think of anything to ask because, well, I guess it doesn't matter. She is who she is and I'm glad she's my friend because she is amazingly sweet. We all need good people in our lives and I hope Erin is apart of it for a long time.

I am very excited for New Years to roll around because Ricky is going to be in the Californias and I will get to see him and Christian again! Hurrah! So I have no idea what were going to do, but they will be ringing in 2009 with me! Thats right bitches, be jealous! hehehe! Ohh! Christian maybe we can make that video *wink*

And thanks to PNS Explosion, Ricky, and Taylor I can't stop thinking about this song! So consider this your song of the day!

Single Ladies, By Beyonce

Trying to write take two

You know, I wrote a whole post about how angry I was. Then I realized that what I had written was just out of anger and it wouldn't solve anything.

You know people, when you put your trust in someone and find out that they are saying horrible things about you, it really hurts. When someone is supposed to be your friend, but turns around and just lies...Well, I think my judgement in people maybe completely wrong. So maybe there are people i didn't think I liked, but I never took the time to really get to know them. Shame on me.

I have been thinking a lot today about where I fit. And somedays, I just don't feel like I belong anywhere and somedays I feel like I found my place. Its so bizarre how easily I can flip/flop from one to another.

I did receive a very sweet email today from a podcaster who I really admire and think is just so lovely. There are a few of those podcasters of which I admire because they are sweet people that just don't get involved with the crap that can happen in this community. i need to be that mature.

I am still very angry, but I feel a bit better now that I have written all this stuff down and the post that no one will see.

I recorded with Tim C and Eric for Meat Free Radio. Tim said something happened with the file so we will need to record it again. We were a bunch of giggling fools on that recording. It felt good to laugh. Eric, I hope your looking for my sugar daddy, so he can take me to NYC to have yummy vegetarian food with you.

My dear old dad's play is opening, I think Friday, Tim, Ron, Ryan, Kevin, and Jason are going to the SC's to see it and hang out with Dad and Larry Klye. I hope they all have a great time.

Speaking of podcasters, I sent an email to one that I trust a great deal and asked their opinion on me doing a show on my own. I knew the answer I got from them would be honest. I agreed with what they said for the most part. My confidence is shot, so I couldn't honestly judge for myself. I would like to keep podcasting because I really enjoy it. I don't really want to do one alone unless it was very short. I will just give it time. Think about what I really want to do. Any ideas out there?

For anyone who has things to say that don't feel comfortable commenting here, please feel free to email me...missxomisery@aol.com. I have gotten quite of few facebook and myspace messages, but to be honest, I lag on checking those.

I think I am so tired I am babbling.

What a week

I have had an interesting week. I am still reeling over WMBYS. I go from being angry, to sad, to frustrated, to whatever. It is hard to put a lot of yourself into a project and then be told you can't do it anymore. I am so appreciative of the emails, phone calls, comments I have received. At first, I really thought that I could be ostracized from the community I love so much, but I was so wrong. I have never been so happy about being wrong. And yes I am very sad things happened how they did. But you know, I have learned that I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes and that's ok. I would rather be emotional then a cold person with no feelings you know? I will probably still be sad about WMBYS for awhile, but I am ready to move on. I don't want to be surrounded with negative feelings or thoughts when the whole experience was the complete opposite for me. I had a very good time doing it and i have met some fucking awesome people through it. That can never be bad. I may venture out on my own, but I am taking a break for now. Not sure what I want to do.

Moving on...

From what I gather from my mom's cryptic description, my stepdad has some weird growth on his stomach. They are gauging his symptoms and it could be nothing or something more severe. My stepdad takes crap care of himself, so I am hoping it's just him being fat. We'll see. No news is good news.

My mom's hand looks so gross. The whole top of her finger that she cut off is black and bleck. She's ok for the most part, but she can skip the ER this week.

I thought my air conditioner broke this morning and I was scured! September is the hottest part of summer for the East County and I was not having that. Derek fixed it because he knew what was good for him. I am a grouchy bitch when I am hot.

I have been doing great with the vegetarian diet this week. I am an emotional eater, so i was concerned I would be like, fuck it I don't care. But I stayed on track and I feel so good about it.

Ok I am off to play Sims. I know i'm a dork!

Update Vomit

Junk that has happened in the last week or so:w

My step-dad has some weird hard spot in his stomach and they can't figure out what it is. So they shoot him full of whatever it is they shoot you full of to do a cat-scan and turns out he's allergic to it. To top it off, my mom was already in the emergency room because she didn't feel right.

My mom was fine, they still don't know whats wrong with my step dad.

Last night, my mom was in the emergency room again because she tried cutting her finger off. She is fine, just a few stiches and having to be creative when she wipes her ass.

And my mom's 51st birthday was thursday. My step-dad forgot. Drina, mom said that she would love for you to call her. She doesn't want a gift. If you need her phone number, email me missxomisery@aol.com.

So last night, the NYC group of podcasters thought it would be funny to play out a fight on Twitter. At first, I freaked out because Holly is out there alone and when I texted her and asked if she was ok, she didn't say i'm fine it was a joke, she led me to believe someone had been inappropriate with her. When the pictures started posting, I realized that this was supposed to be funny. i didn't think so. I still don't. I thought I had overreacted because I was already having an off day because I was tired, then my mom calls talking about cutting her finger off, and a few other matters going on. But after some discussion with a few people, they could understand why I was upset.

Wes, I am sorry I cancelled on you. I wouldn't have been very good company. I owe you, I really do.

I have been successful in not eating meat for about a month now. I have been cooking a whole lot more, which I love. What is weird is I thought I would be going crazy with meat craving. I really haven't. i have been sleeping a whole lot better and not so irritable. Besides this week stressing me out, I have been pretty good. Normally this amount of stress would result in migraines, but I don't even have a headache. I just need to keep up on the bike.

Today I made mushroom raviolli with a pea pesto puree thingy. It was so good! Tomorrow, depending on how adventurous I am feeling, I will make gnocchi with a sage butter sauce or tacos. hahaha! I will probably make the tacos because my avocados are ready. I made Avocado Brushcetta last week and Derek liked it enough that he said I should make it again. I have a recipie for a taco soup and I am thinking I will tweek it to make it vegetarian friendly that will be excellent with the Brushcetta.

Ok I am done babbling. I really need a good night's sleep because on top of everything else, I am being a girl this week! Hurrah!

I love this so hard

This was made by a listener of the WMBYS! Tim in AK is my new husband, he just doesn't know it yet.

Podcasting junk and stuff

I know that many of my readers are listeners of WMBYS. Well I made some appearances on other shows this week that you should go check out.

I was on episode 69 of my boyfriend's podcast, Pod is My Co-Pilot. They share a gross story of a "friend" of theirs. very funny!

Not to long ago I did an interview with Tom from the Ramble Redhead show. I know a lot of us tease Tom about shameless promotion, but I really believe his show does some good and I have learned a lot from it. He posted our show this morning. If you want to take a listen you can by going to his web site or through iTunes.

Breakdown, party of one

Ok, so i usually am not a high strung person. I am pretty good about letting things go. If something annoys me, I say my piece and let it go. I am not angry at anyone, just kind of sad.

My sister left for Idaho yesterday. My sister is a pain in my ass. I mean, really. But I still have a feeling of responsibility for her and I worry constantly. This passed month, I have been so worried and stressed about her. Awhile ago she was let go from her job. She has slowly sold off all of her belongings and it got to where she had nothing left. My mom said the only way she would help her is if she moved. So my step-dad flew in yesterday and they started driving up this morning. I told my sister that I hope she can get herself into a better place. Sometimes the people we think are our friends are actually poison to our soul. I feel that some of my sister's friends were her poison. I feel a little relieved and also a little sad. Ultimately being up in Idaho is my goal, maybe in the next two years.

With the stress of my sister and concern over other aspects of my life, I haven't slept more than 5 hours a night. I finally exploded into a ball of tears at work. My poor supe thought I was being bitchy at first because I was being so disespectful, and finally he just asked why I was so angry. I just lost it. So he said I could take Wednesday off and I always have thursday off, so my days have consisted of sleep, mario kart, dinner with the step dad, and researching the veggie diet. (kudos to the meat free radio boys for their emails!) I feel ok now, I think my mom was right about me needing therapy. Bwa bwa.

In other news...Everyone has returned home from the Orlandos gaydays and I have enjoyed the pictures and videos :) I got a little misty when I watched PIMC's video because I so wanted to go. I am going next year. I need me some Taylor love ;) hahah! And who knew Rodan was so cute! And from I hear, everyone got along with everyone and that makes me so grateful to be part, even if it's a tiny one, of this community.

Speaking of podcasting. I will be meeting Ricky around the 4th of July, I may be able to meet Dad aka Big Fatty the following weekend with other special guests (I hope). Something may be happening with Wes and Mary around the 21st and Phreddy is later in the week. And my 5 year wedding anniversary is the 7th of July. I will have a busy month.

Who wants to win the lottery and be my sugar daddy or momma? And you botches need to cough up your MarioKart codes, hahaha I said botches.

Venting about podcasting

I preface this by saying this is my personal blog and has no reflection on the opinions of others. So if you all want to talk garbage, talk it this way. Cause podcasters are good for some shit slinging. This is my venting room, if you don't like it, don't read.

After attempting to catch on podcasts, I must have heard 5 times that we (WMBYS) podcast too much. Now listen here, I have grown to love each of you for your own shows. And yes there was a point where I said I liked the group shows, but this is when you were doing your own and your own was your priority! So those of you pointing fingers at my ( I say my, because this is my opinion) show saying we podcast too frequently, yes youre not doing your own show twice a week, but if you count all the "guest spots" youre doing...

I guess what I am trying to say that yes I can appreciate the cross-overs and the group shows because everyone wants that exposure to new audience members. And yes I can admit that I have been a guest on other shows once in awhile. But there is such a thing as overkill. I would like to listen to people on their own show for awhile. Because really, do I need to listen to four group shows, from four different podcasts, with the same people? No.

I still adore all of my podcasting pals, but really...even if it's a joke, it's not so funny when it's said three or four times by the same people on different shows. That puts a negative spin on our show and the work us three put into it.

So either email your opinions to us, well me because I am asking for it, or don't say anything at all. i have learned from personal experience that even if you had the best intentions in what you say or even if it's a joke, it's not always understood in that context and if you don't have anything nice, shut your face.

And Wes, I apologize for barking at you on the Skypes...You were not the subject of my frustration that day. And youre hot.

No Title

i am happy to report that as of now, the podcast will be chugging along. I will not lie when I say it was hard to see my pal be so upset and couldn't do anything to make it better. But in the grand scheme of things, I love what podcasting has brought into my life and I love my co-whores a ton.

Right now I have a large amount of respect for Tim C., Archerr, John Ong, and Chef Mark. They have all said a lot of things regarding this past weekend that have made a lot of sense and helped me understand that podcasting isn't always candyland and chutes and ladders. I think that we had so much support when we started that we couldn't imagine or even thought that any aspect of what we were doing would be attacked or one of us being personally beat down.

I guess what I am trying to say if I am thankful for Holly and Walt. I am thankful for our FABULOUS fans and friends (who are one in the same for me) who have been so vocal in their support. And though I didn't like seeing Holly hurt, I am thankful this happened early on in our podcast endeavor, I think we are little more prepared in what might happen down the line.

So I'm brushing the dirt off my knees (shut up) and I am going to continue.

And how much do I love Ricky, Mary, and Melanie from the last group show?! I havent laughed so much in awhile. Thanks you guys!

Rain, We're Mean, and Sleep

It seriously has been raining all week. My san diego blood can't handle it!

So My co-whores and I recorded episode 2 of We're Mean and we had a good time and the show turned out pretty good. A litle longer than last time, but I think because Walt, Holly, and I are really getting to know each other better, we bring up things we really don't know about one another. We have gotten a lot of support from our podcasting friends and it was kind of overwhelming. But in a good way. And as sappy as it sounds, I have not felt so part of something important. I feel like I belong and I am making some awesome friends. I am also meeting new people all the time. I love it.

I was asked by the lovely Taylor to be a guest co-host while Taffy is in Europe (bitch) and I was happy to accept. So thats coming up.


Now I am eating my dinner and gonna go night nights and junk

Skype Me Baby

XO_Nessa <-- That's me on the Skype. Add me bitches!

Also, Just for research sake, what programs do you all use for recording and editing your podcasts? (I have a PC)

Taylor, I don't know how you read this dummies book, I am lost in it. haha!

Ok I'm gonna go play with this thing.

I hate being a Representative of my Company

sometimes...But I will get back to that.

April has been my best friend since I was 6 years old. I love her like family. I love her family like family. her family will be coming to my house for Christmas. For her 30th birthday (which is on new years eve) Derek and I are taking her to Disneyland.

In 1997, April's brother Robbie passed away from cancer at the age of 18. We were all devistated. The thing is, when I mourne, I like to be alone. i have one gigantic emotional fit then continue to face the world. April on the other hand needs to be around the people she loves. I couldn't be there for her. I dunno, his 28th birthday was last week and April still doesn't got to work, watches all of his favorite movies, does what she needs to. I remember after we went to his graduation (Aunt Peggy accepted his diploma) April said she always imagined Robbie and I getting married. That was probably the first and only time we grieved together. My mom has a picture of us after our cry, sounds wierd I know, but I love that picture. I miss Robbie, a lot. He was funny, had a great laugh. Very handsome. I hate that I am not remembering as much as I used to. But I will always remember his laugh. I know it's been ten years, but you know, I don't want to forget. With that being said, next subject.

Of course everyone knows that gay men and women can't be legally married. Some states, like California, have passed laws granting Domestic Partnerships that give the couples the same rights are married people and in my industry that means we can list them as spouses and married. I guess in Washington state they passed some similar laws granting some rights for domestic partners. A gentleman wrote in to my company two weeks ago and said hey these laws were passed, what does that mean for me and my husband. I told him I would look into it. Our "legal" department states that the laws passed do not require us to give same sex couples the married rate and we wont.

So i have to write this man and tell him that the only thing I can do is list him as a domestic partner on their policy, but he can't have a married rate. This is where I had to separate my work persona from what I really wanted to say to this guy. My email to him was more personalized then I am supposed to write and if my boss read it, I would more than likely be "talked to."

I had an emotional day and needed to vent. I love my blog. I would love my blg more if it gave me ice cream and washed my car...but i'm not picky.

I have been thinking...I was actually inspired...but I think it would be fun to be on a podcast. But then I think, oh yea, I don't do the computer so well and oh, yea...what the fuck would I talk about. oh well, I shall continue to be a loyal participant. It's a random thought.

Ok my brain is tired. i think i'm done. yup.