12/16/09

Chrima 2005

Gearing up for Chrima has got me running through the normal (for me) emotions. Of course, The guilt, stress, excitement, happiness, nerves, all kick in the week before Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving dinner was a huge success, but that is easy when there are only two of us. Derek put up the chrima decorations as he has in years past. I don't think either of us are feeling it this year. Derek's annoyance at putting up the tree was very apparent. I still haven't decorated out first tree (the 3ft fake tree that was our first tree when we got married) and I haven't had the motivation to do so. I can't shake the funk I have been in, although I have been trying.

I am done chrima shopping, was done rather quickly. With money being as tight as it is, I think I did rather well and only had one mishap with Amazon that was corrected quickly. My mother received their gift box and we received hers. It made me sad cause I haven't had a chrima with my mom in six years. I don't dare cry about it to Derek as he hasn't had a holiday with his parents either. Derek is supposed to fly to London next year to see his grandfather. I don't know if Derek has filtered in his head that this may be the last time he sees him. That makes me sad. I wish I could get him over there more often, it's just so expensive.

On the good side, I will get to spend some time with Wes, Christian, Frank, and Brian this weekend. The 2nd annual cookie party where we won't really bake cookies hahaha! These boys, although I don't get to talk to or see them as much as I'd like, mean the world to me. Love them tons! Derek does too, even though Christian sometimes makes him nervous with this "it's all the same in the dark" talk. hahah! Sorry Derek.

Then chrima eve we will be having breakfast for dinner and some fun times with April, Doug, and her parents. April came over on Saturday and we just talked for hours. It's weird to think that April and I have been friends for almost 25 years. I wish I saw her more often. I hope she likes her pressies for chrima.

As it stands right now, I have 1,448 chrima songs left to listen to. My pal Walt sent me about 3,000 chrima songs and plus the 300 or so I had, I have been listening to 60-150 songs a day. At one point, the ipod decided I needed to hear Frosty the snowman 9 ways in a row. It made me giggle. i think Walt is down to 700 to listen to, so we are racing to the finish line. In order for me to finish by Chrima, I have to listen to 160 songs a day. I may make it by new years :)

We have received so many chrima cards and you know what, I love these end of the year news letters. i may never meet some of these folks in person, but I love that they sent them. It gives Derek and I a little insight to who listens to S&T. Great people, I will have you know. I am so very thankful for them. Derek said he wanted to do one of the news letters next year. I guess that means we actually have to do stuff.

We did a few things this year, Ricky and TWSS were here for a couple days, Derek and I participated in pride 48, Our first trip to Vegas with the in-laws, Derek and I went to Gay Days at Disneyland, We had dinner with Wes, Tim, and Ron, and we had our first podcast anniversary.

2010 is right around the corner, and Derek and I are focusing on finances and our health. Our goal is to be in ID by the time I am 35, homeowners at 37, and adopt a child by 40. I'll be 32 in May. here's hoping these procrastinating, lazy, unorganized people can do it. haha!

Since I may not post until after the new year, I hope my friends and family out there have a great chrima and 2010 brings you nothing but joy and love.

11/08/09

Creative title, no?

Early October Derek and I went to Disney for Gay Days. Was such a good time and I always love seeing Wes, Christian, Brian, and Frank. Disneyland aside, it was just good to be there in support of the event. I hope we go again next year. The dates are October 1-3, mark your calendars!

Derek and I have been seriously talking about the purchase of a house and what we need to do to get there. All the decisions that were made and discussed really seem attainable. Only bad part is less casina trips. I'm kidding, well, kind of. heheh! I have been watching a lot of first-time buyer programs and looking at ads online. Realistically, it won't be for a few years, but it keeps me motivated and on task for the most part.

I am excited for Thanksgiving because I am going to try some new recipes for the side dishes. i normally make potatoes au gratin and mushroom sage stuffing. But I want to mix things up. I will need to dive into the cook books and online.

I have also been hitting the bike. The past week I have averaged 4-5 miles a day. I am slowly increasing it and have done 5.5 the last two days. I am working on going outside and walking, but I still have a hard time thinking people are looking at me. I know it's silly, but I am trying to suck it up. It really sucks to be afraid to leave my house, but I have made some progress and I hope to make more. I just need to keep at it.

Stars and Tartan will be one next week! I can't believe it has already been a year. I very much enjoy doing it. I met great people through it and it gives Derek and I something to do together. And the listeners are the best.

I think that's everything...Oh wait, there's this:




I love this!

Been Caught Stealin'

I stole this from Walt, who stole it from other guy. I love these things!

How many total songs? 5,338 items in my library. That’s 13.8 days, and 21.21 GB of music.

Sort by song title – first and last… First: A-Punk by Vampire Weekend. Last: 99 Luft Ballons by Richard Cheese

Sort by time – shortest and longest… Shortest: Whose Knocking on the Wall by TMBG. Longest: Burger Queen by Placebo

Sort by Album – first and last… First: Abbaesque by Erasure Last: 19 by Adele

Sort by Artist – first and last… First: Abba Last: 50 Cent

Top five played songs - Well, I just got this computer, so it may not be so accurate.
1)Barely Breathing by Duncan Shiek
2)Hope for the Hopeless by A Fine Frenzy
3)Only Happy When it Rains by Richard Cheese
4)She's My Man by the Scissor Sisters
5)Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet by TMBG

Find the following words. How many songs show up? Sex: 46 items Death: 25 items Love: 298 items You: 635 items Home: 83 items Boy: 80 items Girl: 147 items

First five songs that come up on Party Shuffle…
1)White Light Generator by Ladytron
2)Relax by Calvin Harris
3)Get Together by Wilson Phillips
4)Train by 4 Non Blondes
5)Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul

Disney, Pre-Chrimbal, and a Random Memory

So I am so excited about this weekend. Derek and I are hoisting up to Disneyland for the Gay Days. On Friday Derek and I are having dinner with Wes, Christian, Brian, and Frank. We sent invites to a couple other folks and hopefully they will show. If not, it's ok. We will have a great time regardless.



April and Doug are graciously watching the house for us and taking care of Maggie. She really is a great friend. We are in the beginning stages of planning Chrimbal festivities. We already decided breakfast for dinner would be the food. We are decorating the house in green and gold and bells will be the pattern. Her mom is coming down from Idaho, which I am apprehensive about, but I am sure it will be ok.



Earlier this month I cut my hair. Prior to the hair cut, I always kept my hair up. Now that I am wearing it down, I can smell my conditioner. It reminded me of a guy that I used to adore. He liked to sit behind me at this picnic table in the courtyard of his apartments and write things on my back. I asked him why he did that once and he said he liked the way my hair smelled. That is one of the times in my life I felt content. That memory makes me happy.

Happy Anniversary Stacey

In 1999, I was 21 years old and a shift leader at Burger King. I had a co-worker named Stacey who I just adored. All year we joked about how we would be getting married on 09/09/99. On that day she presented me with a rubber band to wear around my wrist and she had a matching one. We wore them until they fell off.

I got transferred and she quit. Saw her maybe two years later at a payless where she worked. We both dropped the shoe boxes we were carrying, squealed, and hugged for a long time. I introduced her to my mom as my wife. I didn't she her again until a year later when she announced she was pregnant. She looked scared out of her mind. I gave her my number and said if she needed anything, call me. I never heard from or saw her again.

Every time 09/09 passes, I remember Stacey and a lot of laughs we had and our rubber band marriage. I hope whatever she is doing now, she is happy.

What's Motivation?

For some reason, I have decided to not write in the blog. I have a million things going on in my head and I should be writing them down. I guess I felt the need to torture myself and Derek.

I have been so down the last month and so quick tempered. A combination of working long hours, not a whole lot of sleep, and not seeing Derek just turned me into a bag of mush. I am trying to change that and Derek is trying too. He is trying to work more days so I can see him more often.

Got a new computer cause the laptop decided it didn't like working anymore. I got a desktop with a 22 inch monitor. It's pretty. I forgot what a fast computer was like. Plus I can play Sims 3 on it cause I am nerdy like that.

Um, the work husband almost got fired because some ass went to HR and said he was selling drugs, which he wasn't. They let him keep his job because there was no proof. That was a relief, I mean shit, he's got kids.

I got a pressie from Walt which I am enjoying right now. I just rocked out to Milli Vanilli and Debbie Gibson. Love it!

Derek and I are going to Disney the 2,3, & 4th of October. I need to get in touch with Mr. Stone and see what he wants to do as far as a meet and greet. I was hoping Ricky was coming, but the new boy has all his attention, so I am guessing not. I hope my TWSS boys (yes they are mine) show up on Friday or Saturday. I would love to see them.

Oh, my new favorite band....



The Airborne Toxic Event - The whole album is GREAT!

Lets Start Again

Plus some updates.

First...

So at work they are "encouraging" us to have people call for quotes. Because the economy is so horrible, people are looking to cut their costs, GEICO wants people to call to see if we can save them money. I am not a sales person and I feel weird asking anyone in particular to call. Well this lack of participation has gotten me a slap on the wrist, so now I need help. Can one of my readers, pretty please, call for me? You can call for auto, home, and renters. I think you can call for motorcycle, but I'm not sure. You do not have to buy anything for me to get credit!

Anywho, if one of my darling readers could call 1-800-841-3000 and give the the code 113038, I would be forever grateful. Thanks in advance!

Second...

Derek and I are hoisting up to Disneyland in October. We will drive up on the 2nd and are hoping to do a meet and greet on the 3rd. So if any of you will be able to got to Disneyland on October 3, leave a comment or email me at missxomisery at aol.com. The 4th we will still be there, but our pals April and Doug are coming up to spend some time with us, so we made Saturday listener day :)

Third...

So last July (08) I had made the decision to be a vegetarian. I did really well at first. During the holidays I hit a bump. Because food is an emotional thing, I felt like Christmas wasn't the same unless I had my usual type of meal. So I tried with the vegetarian way again. Did ok for awhile and hit another bump. Then I gave up. I got so tired of people making such a huge deal out of it and Derek wasn't to thrilled with the lack of meat in his diet. I did a little soul searching and decided that I can't give up. Not only do I feel like crap physically, I actually have been somewhat depressed when I started eating meat again. Now that i am armed with more knowledge on how I will be mentally when situations arise, I have a new look on it and plan on not hitting those bumps. I'm pretty excited this time around. My mom gave me a "make my own recipe" cook book. So maybe I'll have a cookbook someday. who knows. I am really trying to be optimistic.

i think that's all for now. I am hoping to get more into blogging. I lost my inspiration for awhile, but i'm feeling good about what's to come.

Paypal, Michael Jackson, and Six Years

I know the majority of my blog readers listen to Stars & Tartans, so this story may be a repeat. Those of you who don't well it will be new to you.

Derek and I are trying to be a little less spendy these days because we would like to purchase our own home, adopt a baby or two, and grow old. The biggest obstacle isn't so much debt, it's putting the money away. So we, derek especially, tried to not spend as much and get some money put away. Derek asked me to go over the bank account balance with him and I see that both our checking and savings account had been wiped out. With all the NSF fees, our account was $2,ooo overdrawn.

Turns out, someone had hacked my email account, obtained my ebay password, and purchased a macbook and used my paypal account to pay for it. So for three weeks, we had to wait for paypal to complete their investigation so we could get our money back. And although the people that work for paypal were sympathetic and nice, no one seemed to really know what was going on and how long I had to wait. It was also frustrating that the seller of the computer was emailing me. Hey all you ebay sellers. If your buyer tells you that another ebay account is going to contact you and gives you an address that paypal does not provide to you, maybe you shouldn't go through with the transaction. I'm just saying.

So Michael Jackson. I loved Michael Jackson when I was a child into my teenage years. Around 1991 my musical tastes changed as grunge entered my life, but I still secretly enjoyed MJ. I have a lot of memories that have an MJ soundtrack. My sister and I used to sing man in the mirror with her boyfriend's kids during our living room performances. Listening to Bad as I played with my new hula hoop on Christmas morning. Singing The Way You Make Me Feel with Joe at work because it annoyed William. My sister singing Black or White and dancing like Michael. I also remember Robbie singing Black or White in the front yard. I learned to tell time because of Thriller.

Thriller scared me. I was five, maybe six when it started playing on MTV. My mom and dad thought that it would be good to have me watch the making of Thriller so I could see that it was pretend and I wouldn't be so scared. Back then, bedtime was 7pm. Just as they were to play thriller, I magically could tell time and said said it's my bed time, I can't watch anymore. I don't think I was brave enough to watch it until the 4th grade.

I watched the memorial on TV and cried the whole time. I feel like a piece of my childhood is gone. But I am very thankful for my memories. Regardless of what anyone's opinion is, MJ was a force in our history and was the best entertainer and will be missed. I hope his children will grow up to be great and people will let them be.

On the 7th, was Derek and my 6th anniversary. I have found that as time goes by, I like Derek more. Does that make sense? I never didn't like him, I am finding that no matter what a pain in my ass he can be, I like having him around and actually get a little sad when he's not. So i guess I will keep him around for another year. Maybe next year I will trade him in :P.

Other than that, I have been working on being more physically active. I went from only being able to walk for 15, 20 minutes to walking for an hour. I have been a little more aware of what i am eating. I'm very instant gratification and would give up if I had no results after a week. This time, I have been a little more patience and have seen results after a month. I am going to continue because I feel better.

Here is a Michael Jackson song I love, a Song of the Day if you will.

Father's Day and other things

Or other things and father's day.

First, I want to say that I appreciate everyones' comments on my previous post. I know that it was a decision I needed to make on my own, and the general consensus just confirmed that I need to trust my instincts. I am ok with not speaking with her, I am sad that anyone would have to experience cancer, but I don't contact everyone who does. For her childrens' sake, I hope all goes well for her.

My sister-in-law has a baby on the 14th. I know have a niece named Heather. I haven't seen a picture yet, but i am sure she's a cutie. Pretty soon, she and her husband will be moving to North Carolina for work so I may make it to the east coast finally. i have a feeling Jen will come here as soon as possible, she loves the zoo.

So Father's Day. Always a sore subject with me, well until this year it has been a very sore subject. For those who have read my blog for a long period of time will know that I have issues with my father and have had a hard time dealing with not having answers. In the last few months, I have come to the realization that there is no point to beating myself up over things i can't change.

There are people in my life who have give me things that I could and never receive from my father. They have shown me patience, love, acceptance, and respect. So instead of being depressed that my biological father isn't in my life, I am going to be thankful that I have more than most people have.

Of course I am not a robot and I will always have a soft spot around this time of year, but the time i spend crying over it will be less and less.

No Title

First, I apologize for how disorganized this post might end up, I am in a weird place right now.

I found out that one of my friends from high school has breast cancer. I am in shock. Up until now, I hadn't known anyone who had breast cancer. This friend from high school and I haven't talked in six years and our friendship really just fizzled out and then ended when she stole my rent money. If she were to walk down the street, I wouldn't give her a second glance. And after our friendship ended, I found out that she lied to me about a lot of things. It made me sad because I really felt like she was my best friend, I mean we lived together for years.

But now I have come to a point where I am not sure where to go. If she didn't have breast cancer, I would have no reason to talk to her. I don't hate her, I just have nothing to say to her and there is no potential for her and I to be friends again. Because she has cancer am I supposed to talk to her? I am genuinely sad for her and her children. Is it wrong that I don't feel the need to contact her? I care if she's alright, but I would have that hope for anyone.

I feel conflicted because I feel sad about what she is having to go through, but I don't feel bad about not wanting to call her. i feel bad because I don't feel bad if that makes sense. And in a selfish way, I am afraid this makes me a bad person. I don't expect people out there to give me the answer, I have to come up with that on my own. I guess I needed to get some things off my mind.

Sorry Ricky, Birthdays, and Viva Las Vegas!

Pictures a go-go! So it has been so busy, but so fabulous! I will start from the beginning and hopefully make it short and sweet.

So the the 21st, Brian, Frank, & Christian from the TWSS podcast, Ricky from Foul Monkeys, and Miss Wes from Live it up came to Case de Nessa & Derek for dinner and drinks. I think Ricky and I were the only ones who drank to the point of drunkenness, hence the picture of us above. We played rockband, watched TV, recorded a show, and hung out. Can I just say that I love those boys. All of them are as sweet as can be and I am so lucky to have met them all and maintained a friendship. It was probably the most fun I have had in forever. And as silly as it sounds, I miss them. Bwa bwa sorry ME!

Ok, Derek and I left for Vegas the following Tuesday and spent my birthday there. It also coincided with the in-laws being in Vegas. We stayed in the Venetian and OMG! it was gorgeous. I am lame and didn't take hardly any pictures, but my father in law did. When he sends me copies, I will put some up here. I had a great time! I didn't even gamble that much. There was so much to do otherwise. Derek's 2nd cousin Janice lives in Vegas and she and her husband Bob drove us through Red Rock Canyon and it was so pretty. Vegas gets 5 stars for sure. However, the next time I go, I am going during Fall or Winter. I hate the heat.

Also, Over on the facebook, I got so many happy birthday wishes. I felt loved, so thank you all who did that. :)

So, i hate to beg, but I want to make sure I help my friend Izola as much as I can. She is raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Her fundraising page is up and she is accepting donations. Her goal is $6,500 and she is 25% there! You can read all about what she is running for by clicking the picture below! THANK YOU!!

Fundraising Hurrah!

So in my last post, I talked about my pal Izola doing a marathon to raise money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Her fundraising page is up and she is already accepting donations. Her goal is $6,500. You can read all about what she is running for by clicking the picture!

And if you do decide to donate, thank you. This cause is near and dear to my heart, that's why I wanted to help her out.

I've been meaning to write...really

I meant to write when I put up the new blog background on May 1st, but something shiny grabbed my attention and I kinda forgot. So let me see here.

I have been to the eye doctor at least once a week for the last 5 weeks. I had swollen corneas and it went away. Came back. Changed lenses, cleaner, lenses again. Swelling came back. Steroids again, eyes pretty much back to normal. Changed lenses again and have final (fingers crossed) appointment on Saturday! I have never had a problem with my eyes except for pink eye in my youth. This is frustrating as hell!

I am bored at work. I feel bad because I am. With everyone losing their jobs, I should be chomping at the bit to get to work. Am I selfish because I'm not? I guess if I had to ask I am. meh.

Ricky and Christian will be here soon! A little more than a week! I think the boys want to go to bars. I told Ricky I didn't want to go and be a cock block. So we may just drink at my house, maybe record a show, something. I think that's a better idea since I am sure the TWSS boys will be taking him to bars like whoa. and there wont be a lame straight girl there to prohibit them getting bootie. Can I just say i love those boys. I know I love everyone, but I have a genuine affection for them, wished we all lived closer together. Move to California RICKY!

After the boys leave, I get to go to Las Vegas!!! I get to see mum and dad Johnston and gamble! I love Casinos! I have gone to Barona like four times since I last wrote. Loves it!

My pal Izola is going to run a marathon for leukemia/lymphoma in October in IRELAND! She wants to raise $6500 and I told her I would help out on the podcast since Robbie passed due to that. When I told her that, I had to kinda bite my lip so I wouldn't cry. I think it will be a good charity to promote since the money won't go into my or Izola's hands, it will go directly to the charity. When I know more, I will post something here. I am hoping that Derek and I can raise $1,000 for her. I know it's a lot, but if I get 200 people to donate $5, there you go.

I think that is all for right now. I will try...really hard to be a little more regular writing. And let me know if you have any ideas for raising money for Izola's marathon!

Photographs

So i was browsing the internet, as you do, and came across Erwin Olaf's photography. So I followed some links to get to his web site and WOW! Some of his work is so stunning, not all of it safe for work or little ones. But what caught me was his gallery of Royal Blood. This is my favorite picture of that collection:



He has quite a few galleries, I enjoyed looking at the majority of them.

15 Years

"Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster's terms, 'nirvana' means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that's pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock."
Kurt Cobain

This week brings us to the 15th anniversary of one of the events that changed my life. Music has always been very personal to me. But music didn't effect me as strongly as it did when I watched the video for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on MTV for the first time.

In 1992, I was 13 and finally breaking free of my NKOTB obsession. I had become bored of the pop music being jammed down my throat and my mother was on this country kick that I did not dig. So I am watching MTV and I heard the opening of SMTS and I was mesmerized. As cliche as it sounds, the song made sense to me. This was how I was feeling. And it was very raw.

Being the days before CDs were cheap and buying ca-singles was still very common, I took my $1.99 and purchased my Smells Like Teen Spirit/Been a Son cassette tape. I still have it. All my friend were moving into the rap genre of music and I stood my ground singing the praises of Kurt Cobain and preaching how his music has saved me from going crazy. Trying to get my friends to listen to Nirvana, Sound Garden, Pearl Jam. Seattle Grunge made me feel at home. Listening to Nirvana now still makes me feel at home.

Then it happened. I was 15, I came home, turned on the television and hear Kurt Loder say that Kurt was gone. This was more than my mind could comprehend. I have never lost anyone in my family, so dealing with death of someone I, in my heart and soul, felt changed my life was devastating. I didn't understand and became almost obsessed with suicide. Not committing it, but why others did. I checked books out from the library and read and read. I was sad that Kurt was in that much pain and cringed when I heard on the news that someone followed in his footsteps.

Five Years ago, there was still a lot of conspiracies going around regarding Kurt's death. Mainly that Courtney had something to do with it. It made me angry. I found the journal entry I wrote in 2004 at the 10 year mark.

So coming upon the 10 year anniversary of his death....It is plastered everywhere.
Local radio stations doing all day vigils *with no commercial interruption*
Dateline making a huge marketing deal out of it, just to go over the same crap everyone else has in years past.
Watching some balding man with a cheesy radio voice ask some nobody who wrote a book questions about how someone died...It's so old and boring. wasn't interesting. highly irritating.
It would have be cool to have him around, cool to see what kind of music came around . (if any at all)

It's easier for most to leave it at a suicide, and who knows, maybe she did fucking do it.

Why put ourselves through heartache and wonder. Just remember what we have now and who gave it to us. It is probably best that way.

I, being older then most of the people who claim to be fans, was 15 when it occurred. Old enough to comprehend the impact, old enough to understand the loss. These kids who were 3 or 4, thought they can claim to be fans, they will never appreciate the true impact of the music and the man. And as cheesy as it may come across, I still feel a pain, I still listen to the music, I still appreciate what it did in my life and the society around me. Ten years is a long time. Maybe he would have influenced the music in a different way, maybe retirement was the road ahead. Would we have given a shit if he were still alive? Or was it the death that made the appeal? The point I guess of my little rant here is we will never know for sure what might have been, but why continue in conspiracy theories and bullshit. It was about the music and nothing else. And I, with some of the other people who might read this, can appreciate what we have.

KDC
67-94

I still get a pain when I see a 12 year old running around in what may have been their parent's T-shirt. Those of us old enough to know and remember are really lucky. It was always about the music for me, it still is. So this week, I will remember that time with a little less anger I had five years ago, be thankful I was a part of it in my own little way, and continue to listen. As years have gone on, songs have changed meanings, some stand out more than they used too. That to me is signs of genius. It doesn't stay the same, it grows with you.

"The duty of youth is to challenge corruption."
Kurt Cobain

Pass it on

So at the beginning of this year, a hottie in front of Target grabbed my attention for Greenpeace. My mother, when I was 11/12, was into it and in turn I was. I wrote letters to the president, had my classmates sign petitions, did speeches on animal cruelty and tuna fishing. I am happy to get involved in it again and thought, I have some readers here, maybe some of the info would be of interest to you.


MONTHLY NEWSLETTER, MARCH 2009

Save the Polar Bears, Save the Planet!


Before leaving office, the Bush Administration passed last-minute regulations designed to weaken the protections afforded to polar bears and other wildlife under the Endangered Species Act. However, President Obama recently signed a law passed by Congress on March 11th that gives Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar special authority to rescind the dangerous Bush regulations.

The new law only gives Salazar this authority until May 3, so it's imperative that we act now! Sign our petition opposing the Bush Administration's illegal and illogical regulations!


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The Power of Sunlight will be Rolling across Vermont


Tomorrow, March 28th, marks the 30th anniversary of the Three Mile Island meltdown and the kick-off of our month-long tour of Vermont with the Rolling Sunlight, Greenpeace's solar-equipped, biodiesel-fueled truck.

Right now Vermont has a unique opportunity to shut down Entergy's aging nuclear reactor, Vermont Yankee, and to choose clean, safe renewable energy. The Vermont legislature has given itself the authority to accept or reject the relicensing of the reactor. The Rolling Sunlight and Greenpeace will visit farmers' markets, universities, film screenings, and galleries throughout the state to engage Vermonters about the risks of running Vermont Yankee for another 20 years and the benefits of replacing the nuclear reactor with renewable energy. Read more about the tour here.
And on this 30th anniversary of the meltdown, it's important that we remember Three Mile Island and the dangers posed by nuclear power and its deadly wastes. You can read our blog, "Remembering the Three Mile Island Meltdown," on Huffington Post.


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The Road to Copenhagen

We recently kicked off our Road to Copenhagen campaign in China, where Greenpeace activists projected some stunning images calling on the Chinese president and the chief executive of Hong Kong to attend the UN climate talks in Copenhagen this December. Over the next ten months Greenpeace will be holding similar actions in countries across the globe, including right here in the U.S. We need strong leadership from the U.S. and China, the world's largest emitters of global warming pollution, at the Copenhagen talks. This might be the last chance we'll get to put an effective, global solution into place in time to avert the worst effects of climate change. Check out a slideshow from the China projections, and read more on our staff blog about why it's so important for the U.S. and China to lead the world's response to global warming.

I still love the twitters

inspired, too bad it's bad

So this week, I have had a few things happen that have inspired me to write. The sad thing is that what has affected me enough to actually write was a bad thing.

I was at work and a co-worker gets a phone call from her oldest daughter's school. No on has come to pick her up. Turns out dad fell asleep and her daughter was so upset. I immediately feel the worst anxiety and fought back what could have been a panic attack.

When I was in the first grade, a girl named Shae used to walk me home from school. I think she was in the fourth grade. I don't remember why she didn't walk me home that day, but I remember panic setting as I ran from her classroom back to mine, only to find no one was there. I made my way to the front of the school and waited at the crosswalk. The guards let us cross and I ran the two blocks down Lincoln Avenue to the townhouse my parents rented. The door was locked. My mother was a stay at home mom during those days and should have been home. I went to the neighbors house and knocked. By this time I was petrified and crying so hard i could barely see. No answer. I crouched down in front of our front door and sobbed.

I heard a car horn, unmistakeably belonging to my parents 1964 Ford. I run to the car so thankful that they were there only to find my parents laughing. They had followed me home and watched me break down and let me sit in front of the house for a good 5 minutes and laughed.

This wasn't the first time they did something that would still effect me so strongly. My father thought it would be funny to throw me in the trunk of the 1964 Ford and leave me in there. He sat on the trunk lid listening to me scream for help. Thinking about it now makes my heart race and I am fighting off tears.

From what I understand, my father's dad used to do similar things to him. He would drive him and my grandmother to random places and drop them off and let them find their ways home. My mom told me there was a visit my grandmother had with us when I was a baby where they laughed at drugging my grandfather so they could go to a movie. My grandfather abused my father mentally and physically. This wonderful trait was passed on down to my dad. I missed a chunk of school and the police were called. He never touched my mom or my sister, just me. As an adult I understand that he was sick and it wasn't me that set him off. As a daughter, I don't understand why he hated me so much.

So this phone call my coworker received has given me two nights of horrible nightmares and I have this horrible fear that Derek won't come home. It's so stupid that things that happened to me 25 years ago can mess me up.

And even though this man who was my father was nothing but horrible to me, I still feel pain in my heart like i'm missing something. I haven't seen him since I was 12 and I haven't talked to him since I was 16. Apparently you can disappear if you really want to. I have looked for him, I even called the place my grandmother was cremated to see if they could tell me anything.

I just want 10 minutes with him, I just have one question. Why?

Here I come to save the day!

i would love to have a huge pink gun...HONK!

And to continue with my new obsession

Again & Again, by the Bird and the Bee



Love them TONS!

Song of the Day 03/15/09

More like song of the month! Deicated to my pal Walt who text messaged me that he loved this song while I was listening to it!

Love Letter to Japan, by the Bird and the Bee



I love this song so hard!

So I started a band!

Thanks Qcast!

What would your own album look like if you were in a band?

Follow the directions below and find out…Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select “random quotations”or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.

Here’s mine:

Music Junk and Stuff

So my pal Bjorn issued a challenge. For the month of March he challenges people to not play their top 15 artists. We found ours via last.fm. My top 15 are:

1 Tori Amos
2 Modest Mouse
3 Elliott Smith
4 Bing Crosby
5 Queen
6 The Dresden Dolls
7 Nirvana
8 Radiohead
9 Jimmy Eat World
10 Garbage
11 Sleater-Kinney
12 Frank Sinatra
13 Weezer
14 The Suicide Machines
15 Madonna

So I decided that I would do it. So while Derek and I were out yesterday, I spent some money on some new music. I purchases Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Adele, The Bird and the Bee, and The White Stripes. I also have some Rufus CDs that I haven't paid proper attention to. So challenge extended! Find some new music and if you find something good, hook a sister up!

A Semi-Purge

It has been quite awhile since I have had the want to update. What is weird is I feel like writing, but have nothing to say. I have found myself in a gloomy state of mind. Everything seems to hurt my feelings or have me questioning peoples' intentions. I guess I am having, as I like to call them, low self esteem days.

I just need to re-focus and keep my mind clear. i need to figure out what is important to me and work through it. Maybe my mom is right, maybe I do need therapy.

Not to rub it in to some, but I have been very blessed with my employment. We received our annual profit sharing check and it was so much more than expected. I had planned on shopping today, but I couldn't get the motivation to go. Plus I have the "buy it cause I can" syndrome. I need to plan out what I want to purchase before I run out and spend money I don't normally have.

Speaking of work, they moved Todd's desk to see if his numbers will improve. They said it had to do with all the talking that happens in our area, which I can understand, but it makes me sad because he's my pal, more than a pal, my work husband. I tell him things I don't tell a lot of people and now, it will be hard to carry on that friendship when he is on the other side. He said it won't change anything, I hope it doesn't. And I hope they don't put a douche nozzle in his spot!

Although I love My Phone

This is some funny shit

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Updates on Valentines

The funny thing about blogs is, well at least for me, is that sometimes I am all about writing, and sometimes, I can't be bothered. I am going through a can't be bothered. Not for anything bad, just really don't have anything to say. So this will be a tiny update, just so I keep it going.

I finally got a new cell phone. After 3 years of waiting for the right one to come along. The blackberry curve comes along and I am ready for it. After an hour in the AT&T store, I walk out with a shiny black iPhone. hahaha! It really does suit me and makes the things I care about accessible to me. It has made things so easy for me. Loves it.

Derek purchased his playstation 3 and we have played guitar hero tons. I sing, he plays and my throat is shot and Derek has carpal tunnel. haha not really, but we have played so much I'm surprised it hasn't gotten that bad.

I think those are the big things for now. Nothing bad to report thank goodness. Oh wait...there is kinda.

I fell off the vegetarian train. I was so frustrated with food related things that I said I didn't care and there I go. The problem is I really do care and I felt horrible afterwards. So I am going to work my way back to where I was. I really want to be. i felt good about the choices I made and need to get my head back in the right place.

Ok, I am off to eat my dinner and find something to watch on TV. Happy VD to my pals new and old.

The good stuff

I really should have updated this when it happened, but I couldn't find the motivation to write it out. Plus when I do write, I tend to focus on the negative and I did not want to loose my good mood since they are sometimes far between.

So hopefully I can remember everything that happened this week.

-Monday-
This was a pretty big deal for our company. Warren Buffett who owns (?) Berkshire Hathaway, GEICO's parent company, was coming to our office since we had the highest something. He does it every year, but it is normally an office back east that has the highest something. This is a pretty big deal. After his speech to the higher ups, he took pictures with everyone in the building, all 1500 of us. I didn't get to shake his had or anything, but the 8 of us got our picture taken with him and the CEO of GEICO. So Mr. Buffett puts his arms around two of my co-workers and Mr. Nicely (CEO) puts his arm around me, gives me a squeeze, asks how I am. And there were three (I think) photographers walking back and forth taking pictures. And as silly as it sounds, I wasn't sure where to look, so I am pretty sure I will have a dumb look on my face. Afterwards, Mr. Buffett patted me on the back as he walked by. I thought it was cool. And they gave us ice cream afterwards. Can't beat that.

-Tuesday-
I have been trying to make an effort to stay in a better mood at work. It's hard when I go in all tired and really bored. But I am so very thankful I have my job so I need to make the best of what I am blessed to have. This became so much easier when my pal Sarah wrapped her arms around me and scared me half to death! She is back from maternity leave and was coming to days! I am so happy because Sarah feels like she could be a sister from another mother. She makes me smile like no other. I may not be the sappy sort, but I love it when she tells me I'm adorable and she loves me. I adore her, and her children are so beautiful. I think she is one of the few girls who hasn't had an agenda. I use agenda for lack of a better term. I don't bond with females well at all. But Sarah and I have a bond that I hold near and dear to my heart. She's a beautiful girl!

-Wednesday-
I got to do our taxes! Now I know Tax time isn't fun time for most. Well, Derek and I don't own anything and we're poor by California standards, We normally get a fat refund. This year was more than expected. When I get the final numbers, I felt like a load lifted off my shoulders. After we get the money, the credit cards will be paid off, Both Derek and I can get our eyes checked, take the car in, new phone for Derek and I, and finance the trip to Vegas with the in-laws. Both Derek and I hugged and both felt some relief. It will rule to see clearly again heh!

-Thursday-
Derek and I went To Grossmont to look around, did a little shopping, saw Last Chance Harvey (eh), then came home and did podcasting junk. Not a whole lot, but was so fun. A Good day for sure.

-Friday-
Just a good day at work with my work husband that consisted of way too much caffeine. I was deleting things off my computer and found a folder that had Phreddy's birthday video in it. It made me cry. Not because I was sad, but because I was really grateful that I met him in person, and his beautiful family. He's good people. And now I am watching Kevin Smith and texting that slut Christian whose about to gay it up haha!

So to add to this long ass post, this song is hot, and I love this video.

Thanks Lola!

So my pals over at The Sweet Bitterness blog (and soon to be podcast ahem) also did the itunes game in my previous post and how much do I love that Miss Lola had this on her list?



This will be stuck in my head all day long. haha!

Laid

Stolen from Sexy Bjorn, yes I said sexy

INSTRUCTIONS
-Put your music player on shuffle.
-skip to the next random song to get your answer for each question...
-Write it down, even if it sounds silly (no cheating!)

1. How would you describe your personality?
"Amber Waves" Tori Amos

2. What is your best quality?
"Communist Daughter" Neutral Milk Hotel

3. What do you look for in a lover?
"White Rabbit" Jefferson Airplane

4. What is your life's motto?
"New Age" Tori Amos

5. What do you think about all the time?
"Automatic" Weezer

6. What do other people think of you?
"Destroy Everything You Touch" Ladytron

7. What do you like to do when no one else is around?
"Life is a Highway" Tom Cochrane

8. What is your favorite hobby/interest?
"Ode To My Clothes" Tori Amos

9. What is your biggest secret?
"I Just Can't Stop Loving You" Michael Jackson (hahahaha)

10. What is your life story?
"The World At Large" Modest Mouse

11. How will you die?
"Perfect Obligation" The Myriad

12. What will they play at your funeral?
"Autumn" Paolo Nutini

13. What is the one thing you regret?
"SOS" Rihanna

14. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
"You've Been Flirting Again" Bjork

15. What makes you laugh?
"Little Sister" Jewel

16. What makes you cry?
"Mary" Tori Amos

17. What scares you the most?
"Aside" The Weakerthans

18. What's the worst thing that could happen?
"Brimful of Asha" Cornershop

19. What is the meaning of life?
"Portions For Foxes" Rilo Kiley

20. What title will you give this post?
"Laid" by James

Yay, I love these games!

Good

So I wake up this morning and it is dark outside. The sky is full of gray clouds and it has rained or is now raining. My house is completely silent. There is no noise coming from outside except for the occasional plane or car. I grab my coffee and sit on the loveseat next to the window. I have Sabrina on one arm on my right and Jazzmine and Maggie curled up by side on the left. I feel good right now. No drama, no chaos, no stress.

These were the kind of days my mom would listen to the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack. I don't think my mom liked the movie, but for some reason, I got her the soundtrack for Christmas one year. I tie a lot of my memories of my mother to music or film. On the gloomy days like today was Sleepless in Seattle. On Saturday mornings while she was cleaning, we would wake up to the smell of pine-sol and the sound of Cat Stevens. When my mom was feeling down she would watch the Color Purple and An Officer and a Gentleman. She said it was because she needed a good cry and those always worked. Easter was Jesus Christ Superstar which I have only recently found an appreciation for.

Days like today are good times for me to reflect on things. No distractions, just clear thoughts and memories.

Catch Up

I have been a lazy blogger. Sometimes, I have so many things going on in my brain, I am not sure how to address it. Right now, I have a nice migraine and the meds are making me feel right as rain with a large touch of the drowzy. So after this little ramble, I am going back to bed.

Went out with Kevy last friday. Had our usual date at the Applebees where the only thing vegetarian was their drinks, so I did just that. Caramel Appletinis are my new best friend! We played cath up and discussed how I disapproved of the new girlfriend (who is actually an ex-girlfriend who cheated on him with three or four guys, now she's got a kid and baby daddy ran out. hmmmm, red flag!)

While we were at the park we saw some drunk guy playing Mike Tyson's punchout with a payphone. A cop showed up later and said we should probably move a long sing it's not a good place to be that late.

I get to meet Warren Buffett on Monday. That's kinda cool. They sent us emails at work on what we were allowed to do and stuff. No cell phone pics, no autographs, I don't remember the other thing. He is having his picture taken with our team though and I will be getting a copy. Maybe I can figure out how to post it.

How excited am I about President Obama! I had to work yesterday and missed pretty much everything, I did get to hear a bit on the radio. And was happy to see that he has a lot of LGBT friendly items on his agenda that you can check out here :
http://www.whitehouse.gov/agenda/civil_rights/

I have a very positive outlook on things concerning our country. I think we picked the right man for the job!

Ok, I am about down for the count. Ni ni's for Nessa

Song of the Day 01/13/09

Dizzy, by Jimmy Eat World

You close your eyes and kiss your hand then you blow it.
But it isn't meant for me, and I notice
If the choice was ours alone,
Then why'd we both choose letting go?
Does it end like this?



Respectfully, so honestly I'm calling out
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
Back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it off.

I told you as I hovered, I never felt this way
You said I have the shot that stops my clock
Baby it's OK
You said you'd never have regrets
Jesus, is there someone yet
Who got their wish; did you get yours, babe?

Song of the Day 01/11/09

One of my dear friends is having a moment of reflection and this song always reminded me of looking back and feelings it can bring to the surface. There was a point in time when I couldn't even listen to this song without crying, but now it just reminds me of a good person and a good time that wasn't meant to be anything but that.

Blue and Yellow, by the Used

and it's all in how you mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole
through everyone that feels it

well your never gonna find it
if your looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if your looking for it



should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

My father and Elvis

Around Elvis' birthday, I get a little reminiscent of my youth. I know Elvis passed away before I was born (or did he?!) but when I was 12, I found and immersed myself in his music and his movies.

When I was 12, my father was committed to a mental hospital after taking tons of heroin and driving his car through the emergency room doors. At least this is how I remember my father telling me this story. He lied a lot so it could be true, or it could be that he was in rehab. What I do know is true is that my father was into drugs and he was in a facility that I did visit him at twice. This is the last time I saw him in person. He looked weird. He had a beard and was wearing a blue jumpsuit that resembled scrubs. He had glasses on and I remember his hair being long. A big change from the last time I saw him when he was clean shaven, hair cut, and didn't have glasses. Of course things happen when you don't see someone for four years. I don't remember anything about the visits except the way he looked and the feeling of dread. The one thing my father was good at was letting me down, I knew it was coming, and he didn't "disappoint."

So the way I coped with how I was feeling was two things, food and music. This is where Elvis came in. I really don't know where I found him or where I heard him, I just remember that I was hooked. A co-worker of my mom's ex boyfriend had made me a mix tape and recorded some movies for me. I listened to that tape more times than I could count in my sony walkman. Over and over again until I felt better. If that didn't work I would watch Girl Happy again and again.

So when January 8th rolls around or when August 16th rolls around, I don't think necessarily of my father and the bad feelings, I think of Elvis and how he made a 12 year old's heart heal, one song at a time.

Happy Birthday Elvis

Elvis in 1968 was hot!

ps, I know I am a day late, I was busy

So...

I'm a nerd and think this is funny.

New Years Hurrah!

I thought about doing a run down of 2008, but it can be summed up in a short sentence. Things were good, bad, and all things in between. As life is I guess. I think what I am most thankful for is the people I was lucky enough to meet either in person or through the podcasting endeavor. I am very happy about that.

So New Years was fun! I normally don't do anything for New Years because I usually have to work New Years Day and that means up at four in the morning. But this year I managed to get it off and plans were made for Ricky to come to the CA. Well things came up that prohibited Ricky from coming, so Christian, Brian, & Frank and I got drunk and recorded a show for That's What She Said. The only thing that would have made that better was me being up in the LAs or they being here in the San Diegos. I had a blast bringing in the new year with new friends. whut?

I am still without a stove. We have an appointment to have the new one delivered on Tuesday, but because the wiring for the old one is, well, old we have to have an electrician come in and re-wire the outlet or something...I don't know. So it looks like another two weeks until we will have a functioning stove. I can't wait because I am tired of using the Foreman grill.

So Derek and I are going to Las Vegas in May/June to see the in laws. I am very excited because I have never been and I get what QCast calls ding ding fever. Let's hope I don't get it too badly haha! I should be looking at where to stay and stuff, but I haven't had the motivation. All I have wanted to do is sleep and read. I get into these moods where I like reading and tune out the rest of the world. I am going to start reading the third installment of the Wicked series plus I have two new vegetarian cookbooks I need to go through :)

And a huge shout out to Bjorn for the music! I am so in love with Ra Ra Riot (Robot), Vampire Weekend, and Fleet Foxes!

So yea, resolutions...I normally don't make them because I think that in my mind resolutions are made to fail. But this year, I think I will try to keep them. But they will also go into effect after we have a stove because one of them is not to eat out (heeey) more than once a week and it can't be at a place with a drive thru. My other ones are no candy and I will get back on the no soda deal. So maybe my year will start on Feb 1st. haha!