Saturday, September 1, 2007

(Ir)responsible fattie

For those of you who have known me (in person)for any amount of time knows that I am fat. Not chubby, not big, plain old fat. I was a siz 12 at the age of twelve and the smallest i've been in the last 5 years is a 22. I have lost weight and gained it back more times then I can count.

Instead of doing anything about it, I would get depressed and stuff myself full of junk. Well, I was watching Oprah. She had Dr. Oz on again and this time I paid attention. The majority of my weight is in my belly, which makes the risk of heart attack or disease higher. I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want my kidneys to fail.

In addition to the obvious health issues, I am miserable all the time. I am always tired, always upset. I thought it was just because my work hours changed, and I was getting up earlier. It's been 2 months. I am still always tired. I have for the past two months waking up early and walking for at least 20 minutes, but it isn't everyday and it has gotten to be as little as two times a week.

I had no motivation. I still struggle with it. But Dr. Oz says you just sometimes have to do it before the motivation comes. So I am determined to walk at least four times a week. I have also cut fast food out. Fast food should not be as convenient as it is. I love convenience. But this is when I kinda realized that my life shouldn't be all convenience. I should have to struggle. I have been reading a lot of articles about food and what foods will help me change my habits and lifestyle.

i have to say some of my motivation to change came from my new pal Walt. He has been brave in sharing his weight and achievements. He posted a before and after picture awhile ago and he looks amazing. I am so glad we met through QCast. I know that it can be done, I just need to work for it.

Another thing that kinda jilted my naive self was a post Rob made on the Daily Purge blog. I know Rob wasn't out to hurt anyones' feelings. He just kinda proved to me that being fat is not only unhealthy, but is humiliating. This picture is "funny" because its a question about diets and the "fat" girl couldn't answer it.

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This girl looks so much like me, only alittle younger. This image is burned in my brain. I almost feel like printing it out and hanging it on my fridge.

So what I need to do is be responsible for myself. I have decided that this here blog will be my go to when I need to vent the frustrations, when I do something well. And the part I dread...the food diary. I have read a few places that you are less likely to eat crap when you have to write it down. So my darling readers will have the joy of knowing everything I eat. Just a warning, I am a creature of habit so I will have probably the same thing for days in a row. i also promise that I will not lie. No point too.

Ok...it starts today! September 1, 2007!

I ate:

Cottage cheese and pineapple
Veggie stir-fry with rice
a 100 calorie bag of grasshopper cookies
half a can of Monster coffee drink
34 oz of water
6" veggie sub from Submarina

7 comments:

Walt said...

I have to be honest here and tell you what a big ol' girl I am. My eyes watered up when I read my name. Seriously. I'm such a 14 year old girl sometimes... :-)

Congrats on taking the first step. It really was a wake up call for me weighing in at 300 pounds last year at the doctor. If I was 299, the impact wouldn't have been as big. And like I've written about before, it was all the little things I did that made such an impact on me. I didn't just jump head first into something. I spent a good few weeks trying to fine tune things slowly but surely. What foods I should and shouldn't eat. What kind of exercise to do.

To share again, my doctor told me that in order to lose weight, I would need to cut my calorie intake, cut my carb intake and exercise. The carb part was the hardest and easiest for me. Easy because Ken had been on Atkins before and so I knew what foods were carbs (basically 97% of my dietary intake!), hard because all I ate was carbs.

Exercise was weird. I'm not an athletic person. I knew walking would be a good start. It took a while to build up strength. My legs couldn't handle too much to start. I'd barely get 10 houses up the street before my shins would burn. Take it slow and steady. Don't overdo it at the start or you'll hurt yourself and become frustrated.

Here's a typical day for me:

Breakfast - hard boiled egg white (one or two, depending on how hungry I am. I'm not a big breakfast person, so it's usually one)

Lunch - Boloney sandwich, bag of Smart Food and an apple. Most of my carbs are at lunch. Also, two pieces of sugar free chocolate for dessert. That's a fairly recent addition.

Dinner - usually some sort of dinner salad.

Snack time - lately it's been sugar free Jell-O.

You need to look up what your calorie limits are per day to lose weight. Mine is somewhere around 2000 a day, which I thought was a lot until I figured out that my lunch is about 1000.

Now I'm rambling. I just want to tell you I'm proud of you and you have my full support!!! And you're my hero because I didn't know they made 100 Calorie packs of Grasshoppers. I can't wait to go grocery shopping now!

Walt said...

God damn, that was long.

Nessa said...

Thank you Walt.

I really mean it when I say that you have inspired me. I honestly don't know anyone brave enough to put themselves out there like you had. I am starting slow. A lot of my issues is not moving around and I eat once a day and it's usually crap. So I am trying to eat more often during the day and not crap.

100 calorie snacks are great! They also make 100 calorie hostess cupcakes. It's my sweet snack for the day and it isn't as horrible as eating the "real" ones.

Malchera said...

Good luck

I bought my excercise bike. It was such a bitch getting it home, and assembling it. Its too big for my room. Which turned out was a good thing. I can't ignore it. I do an hour a day. Its boring, even with TV, and music. Yet you keep at it after a while. Also all the money I would have spent on smokes. I had spent already. Sometimes you have to force your own hand.

Good luck Nessa

Nessa said...

Thanks Ru!

Walt said...

I saw the Hostess 100 Calorie packs today at the supermarket. I stared at them for a good long time and then left them. I felt naughty enough picking up the Grasshoppers, but I did it. I didn't realize how many things come in the 100 Calorie pack now.

Just remember that slow and steady wins the race. I'm proud of you.

Holly said...

Sorry that you got your feelings hurt by the podcaster. I think a lot of us start our weight losses that way. Mine happened in St. Martin. I was lounging at the beach when a horrible French woman asked if I was pregnant! And this was AFTER I lost 12 lbs to go on the cruise. Bitch! Now, unless you actually see a baby coming out of someone, DON'T ask that! I guess it was what I needed to get going. Had she not said that, I probably would have never gone back to my diet when I got home from vacation.

So, I stuck with it and am in pretty good shape now. I still fight daily with my food choices. I really want to have an all chocolate and fast food diet. I would love nothing more, but reality is I have a lot of health issues I can't control. Diet and exercise are the things I can control. Good luck to you! Be strong!

xoxo!! ~Holly